Manners of the Age by H. B. Fyfe (snow like ashes .txt) π
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- Author: H. B. Fyfe
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Sneering, he turned toward the nearest exit from the house. The gaily striped robot hastened after him.
he door failed to swing back as it should have at Robert's approach. Impatiently, he seized the ornamental handle. He felt his shoulder grasped by a metal hand.
"Do not use the front door!" said the robot.
"Let go!" ordered Robert, incensed that any robot should presume to hinder him.
"Only Marcia-Joan uses this door," said the robot, ignoring Robert's displeasure.
"I'll use it if I like!" declared Robert, jerking the handle.
The next moment, he was lifted bodily into the air. By the time he realized what was happening, he was carried, face down, along the hall. Too astonished even to yell, he caught a glimpse of Marcia-Joan's tiny feet beneath the hem of her pink robe as his head passed the curtained doorway.
The robot clumped on to the door at the rear of the house and out into the sunshine. There, it released its grip.
When Robert regained the breath knocked out of him by the drop, and assured himself that no bones were broken, his anger returned.
"I'll find it, wherever it is!" he growled, and set out to search the grounds.
About twenty minutes later, he was forced to admit that there really was no swimming pool. Except for a brook fifty yards away, there was only the tiled bathroom of the cottage to bathe in.
"Primitive!" exclaimed Robert, eying this. "Manually operated water supply, too! I must have the robots fix something better for tomorrow."
Since none of his robots was equipped with a thermometer, he had to draw the bath himself. Meanwhile, he gave orders to Blue Two regarding the brook and a place to swim. He managed to fill the tub without scalding himself mainly because there was no hot water. His irritation, by the time he had dressed in fresh clothes and prepared for another talk with his hostess, was still lively.
"Ah, you return?" Marcia-Joan commented from a window above the back door.
"It is time to eat," said Robert frankly.
"You are mistaken."
He glanced at the sunset, which was already fading.
"It is time," he insisted. "I always eat at this hour."
"Well, I don't."
Robert leaned back to examine her expression more carefully. He felt very much the way he had the day the water-supply robot for his pool had broken down and, despite Robert's bellowed orders, had flooded a good part of the lawn before Blue One had disconnected it. Some instinct warned him, moreover, that bellowing now would be as useless as it had been then.
"What do you do now?" he asked.
"I dress for the evening."
"And when do you eat?"
"After I finish dressing."
"I'll wait for you," said Robert, feeling that that much tolerance could do no particular harm.
He encountered the pink-and-blue robot in the hall, superintending several plain yellow ones bearing dishes and covered platters. Robert followed them to a dining room.
"Marcia-Joan sits there," the major-domo informed him as he moved toward the only chair at the table.
obert warily retreated to the opposite side of the table and looked for another chair. None was visible.
Of course, he thought, trying to be fair. Why should anybody in this day have more than one chair? Robots don't sit.
He waited for the major-domo to leave, but it did not. The serving robots finished laying out the dishes and retired to posts along the wall. Finally, Robert decided that he would have to make his status clear or risk going hungry.
If I sit down somewhere, he decided, it may recognize me as human. What a stupid machine to have!
He started around the end of the table again, but the striped robot moved to intercept him. Robert stopped.
"Oh, well," he sighed, sitting sidewise on a corner of the table.
The robot hesitated, made one or two false starts in different directions, then halted. The situation had apparently not been included among its memory tapes. Robert grinned and lifted the cover of the nearest platter.
He managed to eat, despite his ungraceful position and what he considered the scarcity of the food. Just as he finished the last dish, he heard footsteps in the hall.
Marcia-Joan had dressed in a fresh robe, of crimson. Its thinner material was gathered at the waist by clasps of gleaming gold. The arrangement emphasized bodily contours Robert had previously seen only in historical films.
He became aware that she was regarding him with much the same suggestion of helpless dismay as the major-domo.
"Why, you've eaten it all!" she exclaimed.
"All?" snorted Robert. "There was hardly any food!"
Marcia-Joan walked slowly around the table, staring at the empty dishes.
"A few bits of raw vegetables and the tiniest portion of protein-concentrate I ever saw!" Robert continued. "Do you call that a dinner to serve a guest?"
"And I especially ordered two portionsβ"
"Two?" Robert repeated in astonishment. "You must visit me sometime. I'll show youβ"
"What's the matter with my food?" interrupted the girl. "I follow the best diet advice my robots could find in the city library."
"They should have looked for human diets, not song-birds'."
He lifted a cover in hopes of finding some overlooked morsel, but the platter was bare.
"No wonder you act so strangely," he said. "You must be suffering from malnutrition. I don't wonder with a skimpy diet like this."
"It's very healthful," insisted Marcia-Joan. "The old film said it was good for the figure, too."
"Not interested," grunted Robert. "I'm satisfied as I am."
"Oh, yes? You look gawky to me."
"You don't," retorted Robert, examining her disdainfully. "You are short and stubby and too plump."
"Plump?"
"Worse, you're actually fat in lots of places I'm not."
"At least not between the ears!"
Robert blinked.
"Wh-wh-WHAT?"
"And besides," she stormed on, "those robots you brought are painted the most repulsive colors!"
obert closed his mouth and silently sought the connection.
Robots? he thought. Not fat, but repulsive colors, she said. What has that to do with food? The woman seems incapable of logic.
"And furthermore," Marcia-Joan was saying, "I'm not sure I care for the looks of you! Lulu, put him out!"
"Who's Lulu?" demanded Robert.
Then, as the major-domo moved forward, he understood.
"What a silly name for a robot!" he exclaimed.
"I suppose you'd call it Robert. Will you go now, or shall I call more robots?"
"I am not a fool," said Robert haughtily. "I shall go. Thank you for the disgusting dinner."
"Do not use the front door," said the robot. "Only Marcia-Joan uses that. All robots use other doors."
Robert growled, but walked down the hall to the back door. As this swung open to permit his passage, he halted.
"It's dark out there now," he complained over his shoulder. "Don't you have any lights on your grounds? Do you want me to trip over something?"
"Of course I have ground lights!" shrilled Marcia-Joan. "I'll show youβnot that I care if you trip or not."
A moment later, lights concealed among the trees glowed into life. Robert walked outside and turned toward the cottage.
I should have asked her what the colors of my robots had to do with it, he thought, and turned back to re-enter.
He walked right into the closed door, which failed to open before him, though it had operated smoothly a moment ago.
"Robots not admitted after dark," a mechanical voice informed him. "Return to your stall in the shed."
"Whom do you think you're talking to?" demanded Robert. "I'm not one of your robots!"
There was a pause.
"Is it Marcia-Joan?" asked the voice-box, after considerable buzzing and whirring.
"No, I'm Robert."
There was another pause while the mechanism laboriously shifted back to its other speech tape. Then: "Robots not admitted after dark. Return to your stall in the shed."
Robert slowly raised both hands to his temples. Lingeringly, he dragged them down over his cheeks and under his chin until at last the fingers interlaced over his tight lips. After a moment, he let out his breath between his fingers and dropped his hands to his sides.
He raised one foot to kick, but decided that the door looked too hard.
He walked away between the beds of flowers, grumbling.
eaching the vicinity of the cottage, he parted the tall shrubs bordering its grounds and looked through carefully before proceeding. Pleased at the gleam of water, he called Blue Two.
"Good enough! Put the other robots away for the night. They can trim the edges tomorrow."
He started into the cottage, but his major-domo warned, "Someone comes."
Robert looked around. Through thin portions of the shrubbery, he caught a glimpse of Marcia-Joan's crimson robe, nearly black in the diffused glow of the lights illuminating the grounds.
"Robert!" called the girl angrily. "What are your robots doing? I saw them from my upstairs windowβ"
"Wait there!" exclaimed Robert as she reached the shrubs.
"What? Are you trying to tell me where I can go or not go? IβYI!"
The shriek was followed by a tremendous splash. Robert stepped forward in time to be spattered by part of the flying spray. It was cold.
Naturally, being drawn from the brook, he reflected. Oh, well, the sun will warm it tomorrow.
There was a frenzy of thrashing and splashing in the dimly lighted water at his feet, accompanied by coughs and spluttering demands that he "do something!"
Robert reached down with one hand, caught his hostess by the wrist, and heaved her up to solid ground.
"My robots are digging you a little swimming hole," he told her. "They brought the water from the brook by a trench. You can finish it with concrete or plastics later; it's only fifteen by thirty feet."
He expected some sort of acknowledgment of his efforts, and peered at her through the gloom when none was forthcoming. He thus caught a glimpse of the full-swinging slap aimed at his face. He tried to duck.
There was another splash, followed by more floundering about.
"Reach up," said Robert patiently, "and I'll pull you out again. I didn't expect you to like it this much."
Marcia-Joan scrambled up the bank, tugged viciously at her sodden robe, and headed for the nearest pathway without replying. Robert followed along.
As they passed under one of the lights, he noticed that the red reflections of the wet material, where it clung snugly to the girl's body, were almost the color of some of his robots.
The tennis robot, he thought, and the moving targets for archeryβin fact, all the sporting equipment.
"You talk about food for the figure," he remarked lightly. "You should see yourself now! It's really funny, the wayβ"
He stopped. Some strange emotion stifled his impulse to laugh at the way the robe clung.
Instead, he lengthened his stride, but he was still a few feet behind when she charged through the front entrance of the house. The door, having opened automatically for her, started to swing closed. Robert sprang forward to catch it.
"Wait a minute!" he cried.
Marcia-Joan snapped something that sounded like "Get out!" over her shoulder, and squished off toward the stairs. As Robert started through the door to follow, the striped robot hastened toward him from its post in the hall.
"Do not use the front door!" it warned him.
"Out of my way!" growled Robert.
The robot reached out to enforce the command. Robert seized it by the forearm and put all his weight into a sudden tug. The machine tottered off balance. Releasing his grip, he sent it staggering out the door with a quick shove.
hasty glance showed Marcia-Joan flapping wetly up the last steps. Robert turned to face the robot.
"Do not use that door!" he quoted vindictively, and the robot halted its rush indecisively. "Only Marcia-Joan uses it."
The major-domo hesitated. After a moment, it strode off around the corner of the house. First darting one more look at the stairs, Robert thrust his head outside and shouted: "Blue Two!"
He held the door open while he waited. There was an answer from the shrubbery. Presently, his own supervisor hurried up.
"Fetch the emergency toolbox!" Robert ordered. "And bring a couple of others with you."
"Naturally, Robert. I would not carry it myself."
A moment after the robot had departed on the errand, heavy steps sounded at the rear of the hall. Marcia-Joan's robot had dealt with the mechanism of the back door.
Robert eyed the metal mask as the robot walked up to him. He found the color contrast less pleasant than ever.
"I am not using the door," he said hastily. "I am merely holding it open."
"Do you intend to use it?"
"I haven't decided."
"I shall carry you out back," the robot decided for him.
"No, you don't!" exclaimed Robert, leaping backward.
The
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