Haunted by Jay Mirano (the reading list book txt) 📕

eyebrows. “But you need some more paint on your face.”
   “No, don’t you dare!” I squealed, putting my arms up to shield myself against her. “I don’t want any more makeup on!”
   “Aw c’mon, just some blush at least. You look like a vampire.”
   I huffed. “Fine, just don’t make me look like a stripper.”
   “If you looked like a stripper you’d get more dates.”
   “Cassie!”
   “Haha okay, okay. Pretty and subtle, I get it.”
   I watched Cassie with suspicion as she laid out various tubs and brushes in front of me. She stuck her tongue out in concentration as she slicked a layer of blush on my cheekbones, followed by a sweeping of eyeshadow and a lick of colour on my lips. Nervously, I checked out my reflection. I’ll admit it, she did a good job. The purple eyeshadow brought out the green in my eyes, as well as accenting my silver dress. And the nude lipstick made me look sophisticated and grown-up.
   “What do you say?”
   “You did gud,” I said, an inside joke.
   “You did gud, kid!” she let out a scream of laughter. “Alright, we need to go. Places to be, guys to wow. You know the drill.”
   Cassie barely stopped talking during the drive to the dance. She was going on about Kyle and music and adding a special ingredient to the punch, but I barely paid attention. My find was fixated on Ryan, on having to see him there with Sabrina, having to watch them dance together, his hands on her waist, her head on his shoulder. No amount of eyeshadow or lipstick in the world could make me feel better about the Ryan situation.
   The hall seemed to be pulsating from the outside, scores of people milling about in the parking lot, or filing through the double doors. I scanned the crowd for Ryan and, thankfully, didn’t see him. I felt Cassie’s hand close around mine, and she was tugging me out of the car and into the biting night air. I rubbed my arms to try and generate some kind of warmth, but still the goosebumps sprung up, undeterred.
   The dance was a blur of limbs, of flashing neon lights and pounding music. It was so dim I could barely make out the faces a few feet away, and I let out a small sigh of relief. As long as I kept my eyes on the floor, I might not have to see Ryan.
   Cassie wrapped her arms around my shoulders, swaying to the music. “See anyone you like?” she half-said, half-yelled into my ear. I shrugged her off, shaking my head. “Stop obsessing over Ryan, please! It’s depressing.”
   Cassie walked around to my side, giving me a quizzical look. “Please try to have fun tonight. Promise me.”  
  “I promise,” I lied. The more time I spent here, the more I regretted it.
   Cassie squealed. “Kyle! Kyle, we’re over here!” She waved her arms, disappearing into the throbbing crowd. I hung back, standing awkwardly by myself, pretending to dance and failing. So much for not abandoning me, Cassie.
   I fiddled with my necklace, trying to look busy or at least, less bored. Still no sign of Cassie, typical. I tried to make my way through the crowd, but by now dance floor was so packed I couldn’t get through. I admitted defeat and made my way to the drink stall, digging around in my clutch for my mobile phone. Cassie wouldn’t hear her phone ringing in here, but with some luck she’d check for texts when she realized I was gone. Hopefully.
   “Look what the cat dragged in.”
   I would recognize that voice anywhere. It’s the same voice that used to call me Smelly Aly all through middle school. The same voice that always had a sarcastic remark about any outfit I wore. Sabrina.
   “Seems kind of weird to come to a dance without a date, don’t you think?” Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, eyebrow cocked, her posse of bitches spread out behind her. “Shouldn’t you be at home with your cats or something?”
   “Maybe I’d have a date if you didn’t steal him,” I said, trying to blink away the misting of tears that was already forming. “But, as they say, once a cheater, always a cheater.”
   “What’s that supposed to mean?” Her perfectly rouged lips formed into a scowl, but even then she was still beautiful. Her jet-black hair was dead straight, hanging down to the middle of her back. As much as I despised the girl, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous.
   “It’s supposed to mean, don’t expect Ryan to stay faithful to you when he didn’t stay faithful to me," I was trying to muster up all the courage I could, puffing up my chest and looking Sabrina dead in the eye. Oh god, where was Cassie. Cassie would have something smart and bitchy to say.
   I heard a low chuckle from behind me, and I spun around, face-to-face with a smirking Ryan. I tried to shrink away, and bumped into Sabrina, who pushed me forward again.
   “I didn’t cheat on anyone,” Ryan drawled, that stupid smirk contorting his features. “We were never actually together, since you don’t put-out," his eyes were boring into mine, roaming my face, my chest, my legs. I'd never felt so scrutinised before in my life. It was like he was surveying a slab of meat, not his former girilfriend... His first girlfriend. His slicked-back blond hair made him look like a villain, and that damn smirk wasn't helping, either.
   I felt like he’d slapped me. Weren’t together? We dated for almost a year. He was my first kiss. First boyfriend. First love. He used to tell me he loved me, too. Was that all a lie? I forced away the lump in my throat as I watched Ryan wind his arms around Sabrina’s middle and plant a wet kiss on her lips. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Suddenly it was like the whole world was pressing down on me, squeezing the air out of my lungs. I stumbled backward, tearing my eyes away from Ryan and Sabrina, who were still sucking face. I pushed my way through the crowd, hot tears slipping down my cheeks and falling down into the unknown.
   I burst out of the gym, into the cold night and into the stinging rain. I didn’t know when it had started raining, and I didn’t care. I needed to get away from that place, I needed to get as far away from Ryan as I possibly could.
   My heels splashed in the rain puddles as I ran, water seeping through the straps and making my feet slip against the soles. I bent my head against the rain, trying to shield my face with my clutch and failing. Rain was falling in from all directions like spears; cold, sharp spears.  
   The thumping music from the dance faded away until it was just a dull throb in the distance. I blindly fumbled my way onto the footpath, setting off in the direction of home. I knew it would be a fair walk away, but the walk would give me a chance to clear my head. To forget, maybe. I pulled my phone out, scrolling down to Cassie's name. I opened a new text, tears blurring my vision so much I could barely see what I was typing.
   Suddenly a flash of bright white flared in front of me, burning starkly against the inky black of night. I was aware of the screech of tyres on wet tar, of a searing pain bursting to life, taking over my whole body, of being flung up into the air like a doll. And then, nothing. Darkness

 

 

   Darkness. All around, crushing down from all sides. Palpable, tangible, darkness. I was suspended in it, surrounded by suffocating darkness and silence. And then the memories started to trickle through, dim at first, then bright and loud, like a train screaming through the empty night.
   I'm pushing Julia Sidwell over, her tiny child's body crashing through her sandcastle, destroying it. She cries in its ruins, and I can still remember how strong I had felt, how in control. Sand clung to the wet tears on Julia's face, bright blue eyes staring up at me in wonder. I'd laughed as she scurried away, head bent against the sun, to hide beneath the branches of a large oak. And I hadn't felt a shred of shame or regret as I laid claim to the sandpit, making my own castles and grinning at Julia as she watched from afar.
   Fast-forward three years, and I'm standing in Clark's Discount Outlet, keeping one eye on the sales clerk and one eye on my prize. I stuff it into my sweatshirt's pocket, feeling the cool touch of the metal warming against my clammy fingers. I nod to the girl behind the counter as I leave, summoning my most innnocent smile, before making a break for it. The wind had slapped against my face as I ran, the world around me blurring into a haze of people, cars, streetlamps and signs. It wasn't until I got home that I let myself retrieve the necklace, to trace its delicate edges with my fingertip, to admire the way the emerald stone gleamed against my skin.
   Same year, different month. My Dad's face crumples when he realizes I'm not going to accept his hug. His arms drop to his sides like dead weights, his mouth cocked slightly downward. As he picks up his suitcase I murmur, "I hope you die," beneath my breath, just loud enough for him to hear. He shakes his head as he steps out the open doorway, the breeze tugging at his greying hair. He didn't even look back as he left. My last glimpse of him was as he ducked into the taxi, coat drawn tightly against his frame.
   And then there I am at the dance again, watching Sabrina's face pull up into a smile, red lips burning against alabaster skin. Ryan's arms are around her waist, and that smirk still hasn't left his face. I'm beginning to forget what he looks like without a smirk. I want to scream, to lash out and claw at the both, the rage that bubbles up within me is so intense. And then they fade away, and the darkness seeps in again, crushing me.
   I'm still trying to fight against the dark. I'm fighting against the memories, I'm fighting against the omnipresent nothingness that bears down all around me, but most of all I'm fighting against myself. I'm fighting against the regret and the heartache, and of all the things that it's too late to go back and change.
   And then light starts to bleed through the inky darkness, smudged and unsure of itself. It grows in colour, flashes of blue and red crying out against the shadows.
   I can make out an ambulance, shrill sirens blaring into the night. A