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may tell you, I am not that Picasso’s or Satyajeet Roy who rarely tolerate others of their acts…
‘I did not know that’
‘Picasso once told his acidic critic , when he was asked about the meaning of one of his paintings exhibited for public-‘If you understand Chinese language, you can understand my paintings also….Similarly our great film maker and the pride of Indian cinema also reacted against one reviewer ‘First make a film and then talk…
‘But what is your opinion about our great politicians and leaders, Mr Ananda?
‘ I am told by a very seasoned Politician and a senior Minister of the first Ministary of our State, when he approached Prime Minister Nehru after independence, with bundles of files complaining of high level of corruptions our beloved leader simply told him- ‘Don’t waste my and your time in these matters…let the country grow first.
‘So what that growth exactly meant to you?’
‘Actually the speed of our free democratic country is so fast that only limited persons were able to get into the running train and majority of people had not even seen the train, what to say of traveling and reaching to the desired destination. And if this way we are growing, I think…may god help us! Anand made his point clear.
‘On contrary, don’t you feel, we are absolutely stagnant people, who never want to come out from our own shells like snails?
‘Actually our stagnation remained godlike. A foreign Journalist Morris wrote in the latest issue of Imprint very clearly understood this public ethos-and if you have read his article, she felt that ‘India is the one place in the world where the habitual visitor may watch the static happening…the population growing un proportionately, side walks more packed, buses more overloaded, the trains alarmingly scrambled over by desperate commuters, the country roads more jammed with carts and bicycles and half derelict trucks…beggars apparently dead, their sticks still in their hands, flat on their backs in the gutter…the country struggles along in a miasma of hopelessness. Nothing is getting better, nothing is catching.
Anand talked about all this with his fellow traveler very freely in a bus coming from Udaipur to Nathdwara till the formality of introducing each other was over…and the moment they knew one another, there inbuilt complex started taking a distorted shape. Their relations and way of dialog took a U-turn as Anand’s fellow passenger was no ordinary man but a top Bureaucrat in the state functionary and was holding the charge of Education Secretary. Although he was not of the hobbit to travel by local buses, it was just a chance that his Ambassador car punctured on the rural route hence he got into the bus…Anyway it was an interesting journey and for the first time a government officer of his level had encountered and realized an intelligent but an ordinary man of social strata. With little chance in tone and body language, now the ‘secretary’ invited Anand a teacher to meet him any time in his office as he might help him to find better opportunities for his future career…at that moment a thought abruptly came in Anand’s’ mind that one should always see his position carefully, as standing behind the Donkey and in front of an officer could any time be harmful
…But his philosophizing and old sayings were not enough as fortunately or unfortunately he got a transfer order from his department Anand happened to be away mostly from Politicians and kept safe distance from Bureaucrats, rather he was shy of such special brand of persons because whenever he encountered them he was unnecessarily involved in fights but after joining in government job as teacher he developed a sort of frustration in his life and identity-crises…Recently he was worried as he got a transfer order and was under stress. He was asked to join his duties immediately in the Directorate of Education at Bikampur on deputation as Artist-cum layout Designer in the Editorial wing of their Publications.
It was again a sort of calling to his own old city which almost two and a half years back he left under abnormal pressures and circumstances. The memory of Shaheen was still persisting in his mind and he was himself unable to come out from his disgraceful numbness. His Nani was also not well and after the incident of Shaheen she became indisposed.
Even the old parental Haveli was also sold since his father was unable to pay his debts and finally compromised with his Aunt in-spite of his winning the court case…the only thing in his mind still tempting him to go to his roots back was the living-memory of his Nana and unfortunately after his demise he even could not reach to attend his death-ceremonies…His anniversary was also falling very close…and that gave him some impetus to join his duties at Bikampur.
Then there was another reflection… of Sonal .That relation too coagulated in his mind…and that was also the trivial and sinful (?) act of his life…after coming close to Bhairvi in Udaipur he was not prepared for any odd situation to overlap in his life and wanted to be true to his new love with whom he finally decided to settle his future married life…Still he was scared of Sonal’s possible libidinous interventions. It might again be another undesired happening.
There was a big gap in their relations and during all these years he was not in touch with her. Only old memories disturbed him many times but except fantasizing he did not initiate anything
It was an arduous journey but in the reverse direction. It was an up-rising against his own nature. That way for a longer time he tried to mentally kill himself.
Anand thought about his ‘return of the native’ realities. But then suddenly he thought of abstaining from his new duties and not going to Bikampur on transfer and new posting. He also thought of meeting his ‘big-boss’ who was still in the Circuit House.Only three week’s back he had the chance meeting in the bus with him.
In due course of time Anand had known many positive and negative in's and out’s of his departmental Commissioner cum secretary-. He was a very bold and efficient I.A.S officer but a man of his own style and convictions… Actually different persons had different opinions about him. His near and dear and distant relatives had enjoyed the Principal positions in the feudal times and they were instrumental in prosecuting freedom-fighters and revolutionaries and always stood in support of British Paramountcy…and after country’s freedom the same power brokers, opportunists and careerists were again on the ruling side and by hook or crook managed to occupy the frontal and top positions in our hierarchy.
Anand thought of the state of affairs of his country .He passed through many ideological battles within himself. The left bent of mind also reflected in his writings but he never subscribed to its party line. Actually whole set-up needed revolutionary change. One more thing always agitated in his mind as his Nana was in favor of armed struggle, but that was the colonial time and his country was fighting for freedom also. After freedom that idea took a back seat for some time but the condition of his people did not change as they expected and their leaders promised to them…and that was the reason he wanted that solution at least through his writings although the impact of literature was slow. Still he fashioned his postures by his medium of words…there was massive roads blocks in all walks of life. Is all that was clear to Mr Murdia, who acted instrumentally to transfer him to Bikampur . He took a chance and took a formal appointment with his boss who called him in the evening time for meeting.

Unfortunately his meeting was not fruitful. Rather it again changed his direction and he decided to quit the government job. He reached Circuit House at right time and sent his slip to Mr Murdia who had called him to meet. Mr Murdia was enjoying his evening with some foreigners and other friends in the Central lush-green lawn and after seeing his slip he sent him the message to wait for some time.Anand waited for their gossips to end but seemingly there was no indication of call from Mr Murdia. It was almost an hour passed and Anand felt this delay not only irritating but insulting and he again sent one more slip but no response came from his Commissioner Sahib. After another impatient half an hour the reception clerk called him and told very coldly that Mr Murdia will not be able to meet him today as he is busy with his foreign friends. He wants you to contact him tomorrow morning.
That was his first taste of ‘superiors’ but he became stronger in his convictions about the the game power always played. Anand felt little upset and nervous when he left Circuit- House but then firmly decided to fight against this anarchy of the system.
Anand wanted to analyse this situation of his life.He was certainly a have not.Still he had his own freedom to decide what to act and what not! He must be clear, how to react against particular situations in life. He was certainly not a puppet in the hands of circumstances and he strongly thought to give a tough fight to such happenings which make him weak, helpless and give him dippressed ideas.He will certainly fight.He needed no book or philosophy or ideology to help him encounter such conditions .He also was not going to wait for GODO who will never come.
The next morning Anand had an ugly spat with his boss Mr Murdia.It was not a meeting but more of a scuffle. In the entire dilog his boss did not think it proper to offer him even a seat in his special large room.Perhaps some hidden animal emerged from his boss’s body and he seemed scuffing not in a room but behind some unseen bush.
‘ I have read your latest book of poetry’Earth in Fire’ only yesterday evening when I had called you to meet.( We were talking only on recent trends in literature of today)
‘So what was your opinion about that sir? - Anand asked politely.
After a pause his boss was charged again and told him-‘It has two extremes…sex and violence but no poetry.Is that the reality today? Your writings are indigestible.some time indecent.
‘I am not a romantic poet.and also do not subscribe to any ideology. Anand wanted to make his position clear…what I feel I write.
‘Then what about your poem on ‘Naxalbari’? Its shere propaganda again not creativity.I strongly feel such writings should be banned.’Mr Murdia was in the mood of confrontation.
‘Who is going to ban that, your government or you?
‘Anand don’t forget you are a government servant.’
‘I keep your government on my foot’-Anand was agitated.
‘And still you need favors.I hope you know, beggars are not choosers’
Anand became sensitive and walked out of the room.
‘Where are you going Anand.Don’t be foolish .Come back.Have your cup of tea.It has already come- Mr Murdia changed the charged atmosphere of the room .The waiter had already entered in the room.Anand came back and joined Mr Murdia at round- table tea.There was some silence for sometime then the ice was broken by his boss-‘So you don’t want to go to Bikampur…It is in your own interest I get you transferred…I think it’s your home town.
‘But you never asked me before…because…perhaps you meant what you said just now…beggars are not choosers…Anand still had the feeling of his bite.
‘O.K but I have another good option for you, you don’t go there. Go and
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