Under Fire by Henri Barbusse (drm ebook reader TXT) 📕

east, goes. “It’s there—no, I’ve passed it. It’s not there. I don’t know where it is—or where it was. Ah, misery, misery!” He wrings his hands in despair and staggers in the middle of the medley of plaster and bricks. Then, bewildered by this encumbered plain of lost landmarks, he looks questioningly about in the air, like a thoughtless child, like a madman. He is looking for the intimacy of the bedrooms scattered in infinite space, for their inner form and their twilight now cast upon the winds!

After several goings and comings, he stops at one spot and draws back a little—“It was there, I’m right. Look—it’s that stone there that I knew it by. There was a vent-hole there, you can see the mark of the bar of iron that was over the hole before it disappeared.”

Sniffling he reflects, and gently shaking his head as though he could not stop it: “It is when you no longer have anything that you understand how happy you were. Ah, how happy we were!”

He comes up to me and laughs nervously: “It’s out of the common, that, eh? I’m sure you’ve never seen yourself like it—can’t find the house where you’ve always lived since—since always—”

He turns about, and it is he who leads me away:

“Well, let’s leg it, since there is nothing. Why spend a whole hour looking at places where things were? Let’s be off, old man.”

We depart—the only two living beings to be seen in that unreal and miasmal place, that village which bestrews the earth and lies under our feet.

We climb again. The weather is clearing and the fog scattering quickly. My silent comrade, who is making great strides with lowered head, points out a field: “The cemetery,” he says; “it was there before it was everywhere, before it laid hold on everything without end, like a plague.”

Half-way, we go more slowly, and Poterloo comes close to me-“You know, it’s too much, all that. It’s wiped out too much—all my life up to now. It makes me afraid—it is so completely wiped out.”

“Come; your wife’s in good health, you know; your little girl, too.”

He looks at me comically: “My wife—I’ll tell you something; my wife—”

“Well?”

“Well, old chap, I’ve seen her again.”

“You’ve seen her? I thought she was in the occupied country?”

“Yes, she’s at Lens, with my relations. Well, I’ve seen her—ah, and then, after all, zut!—I’ll tell you all about it. Well, I was at Lens, three weeks ago. It was the eleventh; that’s twenty days since.”

I look at him, astounded. But he looks like one who is speaking the truth. He talks in sputters at my side. as we walk in the increasing light—

“They told us—you remember, perhaps—but you weren’t there, I believe—they told us the wire had got to be strengthened in front of the Billard Trench. You know what that means, eh? They hadn’t been able to do it till then. As soon as one gets out of the trench he’s on a downward slope, that’s got a funny name.”

“The Toboggan.”

“Yes, that’s it; and the place is as bad by night or in fog as in broad daylight, because of the rifles trained on it before hand on trestles, and the machine-guns that they point during the day. When they can’t see any more, the Boches sprinkle the lot.

“They took the pioneers of the C.H.R., hut there were some missing, and they replaced ‘em with a few poilus. I was one of ‘em. Good. We climb out. Not a single rifle-shot! ‘What does it mean?’ we says, and behold. we see a Boche, two Boches, three Boches, coming out of the ground—the gray devils!—and they make signs to us and shout ‘Kamarad!’ ‘We’re Alsatians,’ they says. coming more and more out of their communication trench—the International. ‘They won’t fire on you, up there,’ they says; ‘don’t be afraid, friends. Just let us bury our dead.’ And behold us working aside of each other, and even talking together since they were from Alsace. And to tell the truth, they groused about the war and about their officers. Our sergeant knew all right that it was forbidden to talk with the enemy, and they’d even read it out to us that we were only to talk to them with our rifles. But the sergeant he says to himself that this is God’s own chance to strengthen the wire, and as long as they were letting us work against them, we’d just got to take advantage of it,

“Then behold one of the Boches that says, ‘There isn’t perhaps one of you that comes from the invaded country and would like news of his family?’

“Old chap, that was a bit too much for me. Without thinking if I did right or wrong, I went up to him and I said, ‘Yes, there’s me.’ The Boche asks me questions. I tell him my wife’s at Lens with her relations, and the little one, to. He asks where she’s staying. I explain to him, and he says he can see it from there. ‘Listen,’ he says, ‘I’ll take her a letter, and not only that, but I’ll bring you an answer.’ Then all of a sudden he taps his forehead, the Boche, and comes close to me—‘Listen, my friend, to a lot better still. If you like to do what I say, you shall see your wife, and your kids as well, and all the lot, sure as I see you.’ He tells me, to do it, I’ve only got to go with him at a certain time with a Boche greatcoat and a shako that he’ll have for me. He’d mix me up in a coal-fatigue in Lens, and we’d go to our house. I could go and have a look on condition that I laid low and didn’t show myself, and he’d be responsible for the chaps of the fatigue, but there were non-coms. in the house that he wouldn’t answer for—and, old chap, I agreed!”

“That was serious.”

“Yes, for sure, it was serious. I decided all at once. without thinking and without wishing to think, seeing I was dazzled with the idea of seeing my people again; and if I got shot afterwards, well, so much the worse—but give and take. The supply of law and demand they call it, don’t they?

“My boy, it all went swimmingly. The only hitch was they had such hard work to find a shako big enough, for, as you know, I’m well off for head. But even that was fixed up. They raked me out in the end a lousebox big enough to hold my head. I’ve already some Boche boots—those that were Caron’s, you know. So, behold us setting off in the Boche trenches—and they’re most damnably like ours—with these good sorts of Boche comrades, who told me in very good French—same as I’m speaking—not to fret myself.

“There was no alarm, nothing. Getting there came off all right. Everything went off so sweet and simple that I fancied I must be a defaulting Boche. We got to Lens at nightfall. I remember we passed in front of La Perche and went down the Rue du Quatorze-Juillet. I saw some of the townsfolk walking about in the streets like they do in our quarters. I didn’t recognize them because of the evening, nor them me, because of the evening too, and because of the seriousness of things. It was so dark you couldn’t put your finger into your eye when I reached my folk’s garden.

“My heart was going top speed. I was all trembling from head to foot as if I were only a sort of heart myself. And I had to hold myself back from carrying on aloud, and in French too, I was so happy and upset. The Kamarad says to me, ‘You go, pass once, then another time, and look in at the door and the window. Don’t look as if you were looking. Be careful.’ So I get hold of myself again, and swallow my feelings all at a gulp. Not a bad sort, that devil, seeing he’d have had a hell of a time if I’d got nailed.

“At our place, you know, same as everywhere in the Pas de Calais, the outside doors of the houses are cut in two. At the bottom, it’s a sort of barrier, half-way up your body; and above, you might call it a shutter. So you can shut the bottom half and be one-half private.

“The top half was open, and the room, that’s the dining-room, and the kitchen as well, of course, was lighted up and I heard voices.

“I went by with my neck twisted sideways. There were heads of men and women with a rosy light on them, round the round table and the lamp. My eyes fell on her, on Clotilde. I saw her plainly. She was sitting between two chaps, non-coms., I believe, and they were talking to her. And what was she doing? Nothing; she was smiling, and her face was prettily bent forward and surrounded with a light little framework of fair hair, and the lamp gave it a bit of a golden look.

“She was smiling. She was contented. She had a look of being well off, by the side of the Boche officer, and the lamp, and the fire that puffed an unfamiliar warmth out on me. I passed, and then I turned round, and passed again. I saw her again, and she was always smiling. Not a forced smile, not a debtor’s smile, non, a real smile that came from her, that she gave. And during that time of illumination that I passed in two senses, I could see my baby as well, stretching her hands out to a great striped simpleton and trying to climb on his knee; and then, just by, who do you think I recognized? Madeleine Vandaert, Vandaert’s wife, my pal of the 19th, that was killed at the Maine, at Montyon.

“She knew he’d been killed because she was in mourning. And she, she was having good fun, and laughing outright, I tell you—and she looked at one and the other as much as to say, ‘I’m all right here!’

“Ah, my boy, I cleared out of that, and butted into the Kamarads that were waiting to take me back. How I got back I couldn’t tell you. I was knocked out. I went stumbling like a man under a curse, and if any-body had said a wrong word to me just then—! I should have shouted out loud; I should have made a row, so as to get killed and be done with this filthy life!

“Do you catch on? She was smiling, my wife, my Clotilde, at this time in the war! And why? Have we only got to be away for a time for us not to count any more? You take your damned hook from home to go to the war, and everything seems finished with; and they worry for a while that you’re gone, but bit by bit you become as if you didn’t exist, they can do without you to be as happy as they were before, and to smile. Ah, Christ! I’m not talking of the other woman that was laughing, but my Clotilde, mine, who at that chance moment when I saw her, whatever you may say, was getting on damned well without me!

“And then, if she’d been with friends or relations; but no, actually with Boche officers! Tell me, shouldn’t I have had good reason to jump into the room, fetch her a couple of swipes, and wring the neck of the other old hen in mourning?

“Yes, yes; I thought of doing it. I