The Awkward Age by Henry James (best novel books to read .TXT) đ
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- Author: Henry James
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âOf what you have in your head? Dear Mr. Longdon, how SHOULD I have?â
âWell, Iâm wondering if I shouldnât perhaps have a little in your place. Thereâs nothing that in the circumstances occurs to you as likely I should want to say?â
Vanderbank gave a laugh that might have struck an auditor as a trifle uneasy. âWhen you speak of âthe circumstancesâ you do a thing thatâ unless you mean the simple thrilling ones of this particular momentâ always of course opens the door of the lurid for a man of any imagination. To such a man youâve only to give a nudge for his conscience to jump. Thatâs at any rate the case with mine. Itâs never quite on its feetâso itâs now already on its back.â He stopped a littleâhis smile was even strained. âIs what you want to put before me something awful Iâve done?â
âExcuse me if I press this point.â Mr. Longdon spoke kindly, but if his friendâs anxiety grew his own thereby diminished. âCan you think of nothing at all?â
âDo you mean that Iâve done?â
âNo, but thatâwhether youâve done it or notâI may have become aware of.â
There could have been no better proof than Vanderbankâs expression, on this, of his having mastered the secret of humouring without appearing to patronise. âI think you ought to give me a little more of a clue.â
Mr. Longdon took off his glasses. âWellâthe clueâs Nanda Brookenham.â
âOh I see.â His friend had responded quickly, but for a minute said nothing more, and the great marble clock that gave the place the air of a club ticked louder in the stillness. Mr. Longdon waited with a benevolent want of mercy, yet with a look in his face that spoke of what depended for himâthough indeed very far withinâon the upshot of his patience. The hush between them, for that matter, became a conscious public measure of the young manâs honesty. He evidently at last felt it as such, and there would have been for an observer of his handsome controlled face a study of some sharp things. âI judge that you ask me for such an utterance,â he finally said, âas very few persons at any time have the right to expect of a man. Think of the peopleâand very decent onesâto whom on so many a question one must only reply that itâs none of their business.â
âI see you know what I mean,â said Mr. Longdon.
âThen you know also the distinguished exception I make of you. There isnât another man with whom Iâd talk of it.â
âAnd even to me you donât! But Iâm none the less obliged to you,â Mr. Longdon added.
âIt isnât only the gravity,â his companion went on; âitâs the ridicule that inevitably attachesâ!â
The manner in which Mr. Longdon indicated the empty room was in itself an interruption. âDonât I sufficiently spare you?â
âThank you, thank you,â said Vanderbank.
âBesides, itâs not for nothing.â
âOf course not!â the young man returned, though with a look of noting the next moment a certain awkwardness in his concurrence. âBut donât spare me now.â
âI donât mean to.â Mr. Longdon had his back to the table again, on which he rested with each hand on the rim. âI donât mean to,â he repeated.
His victim gave a laugh that betrayed at least the drop of a tension. âYet I donât quite see what you can do to me.â
âItâs just what for some time past Iâve been trying to think.â
âAnd at last youâve discovered?â
âWellâit has finally glimmered out a little in this extraordinary place.â
Vanderbank frankly wondered. âIn consequence of anything particular that has happened?â
Mr. Longdon had a pause. âFor an old idiot who notices as much as I something particularâs always happening. If youâre a man of imaginationââ
âOh,â Vanderbank broke in, âI know how much more in that case youâre one! It only makes me regret,â he continued, âthat Iâve not attended more since yesterday to what youâve been about.â
âIâve been about nothing but what among you people Iâm always about. Iâve been seeing, feeling, thinking. That makes no show, of course Iâm aware, for any one but myself, and itâs wholly my own affair. Except indeed,â he added, âso far as Iâve taken into my head to make, on it all, this special appeal. There are things that have come home to me.â
âOh I see, I see,â Vanderbank showed the friendliest alertness. âIâm to take it from you then, with all the avidity of my vanity, that I strike you as the person best able to understand what they are.â
Mr. Longdon appeared to wonder an instant if his intelligence now had not almost too much of a glitter: he kept the same position, his back against the table, and while Vanderbank, on the settee, pressed upright against the wall, they recognised in silence that they were trying each other. âYouâre much the best of them. Iâve my ideas about you. Youâve great gifts.â
âWell then, weâre worthy of each other. When Greek meets Greekâ!â and the young man laughed while, a little with the air of bracing himself, he folded his arms. âHere we are.â
His companion looked at him a moment longer, then, turning away, went slowly round the table. On the further side of it he stopped again and, after a minute, with a nervous movement, set a ball or two in motion. âItâs beautifulâbut itâs terrible!â he finally murmured. He hadnât his eyes on Vanderbank, who for a minute said nothing, and he presently went on: âTo see it and not to want to try to helpâwell, I canât do that.â Vanderbank, still neither speaking nor moving, remained as if he might interrupt something of high importance, and his friend, passing along the opposite edge of the table, continued to produce in the stillness, without the cue, the small click of the ivory. âHow longâif you donât mind my askingâhave you known it?â
Even for this at first Vanderbank had no answerânone but to rise from his place, come down to the floor and, standing there, look at Mr. Longdon across the table. He was serious now, but without being solemn. âHow can one tell? One can never be sure. A man may fancy, may wonder; but about a girl, a person so much younger than himself and so much more helpless, he feels aâwhat shall I call it?â
âA delicacy?â Mr. Longdon suggested. âIt may be that; the name doesnât matter; at all events heâs embarrassed. He wants not to be an ass on the one side and yet not some other kind of brute on the other.â
Mr. Longdon listened with considerationâwith a beautiful little air indeed of being, in his all but finally benighted state, earnestly open to information on such points from a magnificent young man. âHe doesnât want, you mean, to be a coxcomb?âand he doesnât want to be cruel?â
Vanderbank, visibly preoccupied, produced a faint kind smile. âOh you KNOW!â
âI? I should know less than any one.â Mr. Longdon had turned away from the table on this, and the eyes of his companion, who after an instant had caught his meaning, watched him move along the room and approach another part of the divan. The consequence of the passage was that Vanderbankâs only rejoinder was presently to say: âI canât tell you how long Iâve imaginedâhave asked myself. Sheâs so charming, so interesting, and I feel as if I had known her always. Iâve thought of one thing and another to doâand then, on purpose, havenât thought at all. That has mostly seemed to me best.â
âThen I gather,â said Mr. Longdon, âthat your interest in herâ?â
âHasnât the same character as her interest in ME?â Vanderbank had taken him up responsively, but after speaking looked about for a match and lighted a new cigarette. âIâm sure you understand,â he broke out, âwhat an extreme effort it is to me to talk of such things!â
âYes, yes. But itâs just effort only? It gives you no pleasure? I mean the fact of her condition,â Mr. Longdon explained.
Vanderbank had really to think a little. âHowever much it might give me I should probably not be a fellow to gush. Iâm a self-conscious stick of a Briton.â
âBut even a stick of a Britonâ!â Mr. Longdon faltered and hovered. âIâve gushed in short to YOU.â
âAbout Lady Julia?â the young man frankly asked. âIs gushing what you call what youâve done?â
âSay then weâre sticks of Britons. Youâre not in any degree at all in love?â
There fell between them, before Vanderbank replied, another pause, of which he took advantage to move once more round the table. Mr. Longdon meanwhile had mounted to the high bench and sat there as if the judge were now in his proper place. At last his companion spoke. âWhat youâre coming to is of course that youâve conceived a desire.â
âThatâs itâstrange as it may seem. But believe me, it has not been precipitate. Iâve watched you both.â
âOh I knew you were watching HER,â said Vanderbank.
âTo such a tune that Iâve made up my mind. I want her so to marryâ!â But on the odd little quaver of longing with which he brought it out the elder man fairly hung.
âWell?â said Vanderbank.
âWell, so that on the day she does sheâll come into the interest of a considerable sum of moneyâalready very decently investedâthat Iâve determined to settle on her.â
Vanderbankâs instant admiration flushed across the room. âHow awfully jolly of youâhow beautiful!â
âOh thereâs a way to show practically your appreciation of it.â
But Vanderbank, for enthusiasm, scarcely heard him. âI canât tell you how admirable I think you.â Then eagerly, âDoes Nanda know it?â he demanded.
Mr. Longdon, after a wait, spoke with comparative dryness. âMy idea has been that for the present you alone shall.â
Vanderbank took it in. âNo other man?â
His companion looked still graver. âI need scarcely say that I depend on you to keep the fact to yourself.â
âAbsolutely then and utterly. But that wonât prevent what I think of it. Nothing for a long time has given me such joy.â
Shining and sincere, he had held for a minute Mr. Longdonâs eyes. âThen you do care for her?â
âImmensely. Never, I think, so much as now. That sounds of a grossness, doesnât it?â the young man laughed. âBut your announcement really lights up the mind.â
His friend for a moment almost glowed with his pleasure. âThe sum Iâve fixed upon would be, I may mention, substantial, and I should of course be prepared with a clear statementâa very definite pledgeâof my intentions.â
âSo much the better! OnlyââVanderbank suddenly pulled himself upââto get it she MUST marry?â
âItâs not in my interest to allow you to suppose she neednât, and itâs only because of my intensely wanting her marriage that Iâve spoken to you.â
âAnd on the ground also with itââVanderbank so far concurredââof your quite taking for granted my only having to put myself forward?â
If his friend seemed to cast about it proved but to be for the fullest expression. Nothing in fact could have been more charged than the quiet way in which he presently said: âMy dear boy, I back you.â
Vanderbank clearly was touched by it. âHow extraordinarily kind you are to me!â Mr. Longdonâs silence appeared to reply that he was willing to let it go for that, and the young man next went on: âWhat it comes to thenâas you put itâis that itâs a way for me to add something handsome to my income.â
Mr. Longdon sat for a
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