Home as Found by James Fenimore Cooper (diy ebook reader txt) 📕

of the sort. It is sufficient that you are Paul's father, and we wish

to know no more--will hear no more."

"This is like yourself, Eve, but it will not answer what I conceive

to be the dictates of duty. Paul had two parents; and not the

slightest suspicion ought to rest on one of them, in order to spare

the feelings of the other. In showing me this kindness you are

treating Paul inconsiderately."

"I beg, dear sir, you will not think too much of me, but entirely

consult your own judgment--your own sense of--in short, dear father,

that you will consider yourself before your son."

"I thank you, my children--what a word, and what a novel sensation is

this, for me, Ned!--I feel all your kindness, but if you would

consult my peace of mind, and wish me to regain my self-respect, you

will allow me to disburthen my soul of the weight that oppresses it.

This is strong language; but, while I have no confessions of

deliberate criminality, or of positive vice to make, I feel it to be

hardly too strong for the facts. My tale will be very short, and I

crave your patience, Ned, while I expose my former weakness to these

young people." Here John Effingham paused, as if to recollect

himself; then he proceeded with a seriousness of manner that caused

every syllable he uttered to tell on the ears of his listeners. "It

is well known to your father, Eve, though it will probably be new to

you," he said, "that I felt a passion for your sainted mother, such

as few men ever experience for any of your sex. Your father and

myself were suitors for her favour at the same time, though I can

scarcely say, Edward, that any feeling of rivalry entered into the

competition."

"You do me no more than justice, John, for if the affection of my

beloved Eve could cause me grief, it was because it brought you

pain."

"I had the additional mortification of approving of the choice she

made; for, certainly, as respected her own happiness, your mother did

more wisely in confiding it to the regulated, mild, and manly virtues

of your father, than in placing her hopes on one as eccentric and

violent as myself."

"This is injustice, John. You may have been positive, and a little

stern, at times, but never violent, and least of all with a woman."

"Call it what you will, it unfitted me to make one so meek, gentle,

and yet high-souled, as entirely happy as she deserved to be, and as

you did make her, while she remained on earth. I had the courage to

stay and learn that your father was accepted, (though the marriage

was deferred two years in consideration for my feelings,) and then

with a heart, in which mortified pride, wounded love, a resentment

that was aimed rather against myself than against your parents, I

quitted home, with a desperate determination never to rejoin my

family again. This resolution I did not own to myself, even, but it

lurked in my intentions unowned, festering like a mortal disease; and

it caused me, when I burst away from the scene of happiness of which

I had been a compelled witness, to change my name, and to make

several inconsistent and extravagant arrangements to abandon my

native country even."

"Poor John!" exclaimed his cousin, involuntarily, "this would have

been a sad blot on our felicity, had we known it!"

"I was certain of that, even when most writhing under the blow you

had so unintentionally inflicted, Ned; but the passions are

tyrannical and inconsistent masters. I took my mother's name, changed

my servant, and avoided those parts of the country where I was known.

At this time, I feared for my own reason, and the thought crossed my

mind, that by making a sudden marriage I might supplant the old

passion, which was so near destroying me, by some of that gentler

affection which seemed to render you so blest, Edward."

"Nay, John, this was, itself, a temporary tottering of the reasoning

faculties,"

"It was simply the effect of passions, over which reason had never

been taught to exercise a sufficient influence. Chance brought me

acquainted with Miss Warrender, in one of the southern states, and

she promised, as I fancied, to realize all my wild schemes of

happiness and resentment."

"Resentment, John?"

"I fear I must confess it, Edward, though it were anger against

myself. I first made Miss Warrender's acquaintance as John Assheton,

and some months had passed before I determined to try the fearful

experiment I have mentioned. She was young, beautiful, well-born,

virtuous and good; if she had a fault, it was her high spirit--not

high temper, but she was high-souled and proud."

"Thank God, for this!" burst from the inmost soul of Paul, with

unrestrainable feeling.

"You have little to apprehend, my son, on the subject of your

mother's character; if not perfect, she was wanting in no womanly

virtue, and might, nay ought to have made any reasonable man happy.

My offer was accepted, for I found her heart disengaged. Miss

Warrender was not affluent, and, in addition to the other

unjustifiable motives that influenced me, I thought there would be a

satisfaction in believing that I had been chosen for myself, rather

than for my wealth. Indeed, I had got to be distrustful and

ungenerous, and then I disliked the confession of the weakness that

had induced me to change my name. The simple, I might almost say,

loose laws of this country, on the subject of marriage, removed all

necessity for explanations, there being no bans nor license

necessary, and the Christian name only being used in the ceremony. We

were married, therefore, but I was not so unmindful of the rights of

others, as to neglect to procure a certificate, under a promise of

secrecy, in my own name. By going to the place where the ceremony was

performed, you will also find the marriage of John Effingham and

Mildred Warrender duly registered in the books of the church to which

the officiating clergyman belonged. So far, I did what justice

required, though, with a motiveless infatuation for which I can now

hardly account, which _cannot_ be accounted for, except by

ascribing it to the inconsistent cruelty of passion, I concealed my

real name from her with whom there should have been no concealment. I

fancied, I tried to fancy I was no impostor, as I was of the family I

represented myself to be, by the mother's side; and. I wished to

believe that my peace would easily be made when I avowed myself to be

the man I really was. I had found Miss Warrender and her sister

living with a well-intentioned but weak aunt, and with no male

relative to make those inquiries which would so naturally have

suggested themselves to persons of ordinary worldly prudence. It is

true, I had become known to them under favourable circumstances, and

they had good reason to believe me an Assheton from some accidental

evidence that I possessed, which unanswerably proved my affinity to

that family, without, betraying my true name. But there is so little

distrust in this country, that, by keeping at a distance from the

places in which I was personally known, a life might have passed

without exposure."

"This was all wrong, dear cousin Jack," said Eve, taking his hand and

affectionately kissing it, while her face kindled with a sense of her

sex's rights, "and I should be unfaithful to my womanhood were I to

say otherwise. You had entered into the most solemn of all human

contracts, and evil is the omen when such an engagement is veiled by

any untruth. But, still, one would think you might have been happy

with a virtuous and affectionate wife!"

"Alas! it is but a hopeless experiment to marry one, while the heart

is still yearning towards another. Confidence came too late; for,

discovering my unhappiness, Mildred extorted a tardy confession from

me; a confession of all but the concealment of the true name; and

justly wounded at the deception of which she had been the dupe, and

yielding to the impulses of a high and generous spirit, she announced

to me that she was unwilling to continue the wife of any man on such

terms. We parted, and I hastened into the south-western states, where

I passed the next twelvemonth in travelling, hurrying from place to

place, in the vain hope of obtaining peace of mind. I plunged into

the prairies, and most of the time mentioned was lost to me as

respects the world, in the company of hunters and trappers."

"This, then, explains your knowledge of that section of the country,"

exclaimed Mr. Effingham, "for which I have never been able to

account! We thought you among your old friends in Carolina, all that

time."

"No one knew where I had secreted myself, for I passed under another

feigned name, and had no servant, even. I had, however, sent an

address to Mildred, where a letter would find me; for, I had begun to

feel a sincere affection for her, though it might not have amounted

to passion, and looked forward to being reunited, when her wounded

feelings had time to regain their tranquillity. The obligations of

wedlock are too serious to be lightly thrown aside, and I felt

persuaded that neither of us would be satisfied in the end, without

discharging the duties of the state into which we had entered."

"And why did you not hasten to your poor wife, cousin Jack," Eve

innocently demanded, "as soon as you returned to the settlements?"

"Alas! my-dear girl, I found letters at St. Louis announcing her

death. Nothing was said of any child, nor did I in the least suspect

that I was about to become a father. When Mildred died, I thought all

the ties, all the obligations, all the traces of my ill-judged

marriage were extinct; and the course taken by her relations, of

whom, in this country, there remained very few, left me no

inclination to proclaim it. By observing silence, I continued to pass

as a bachelor, of course; though had there been any apparent reason

for avowing what had occurred, I think no one who knows me, can

suppose I would have shrunk from doing so."

"May I inquire, my dear sir," Paul asked, with a timidity of manner

that betrayed how tenderly he felt it necessary to touch on the

subject at all--"may I inquire, my dear sir, what course was taken by

my mother's relatives?"

"I never knew Mr. Warrender, my wife's brother, but he had the

reputation of being a haughty and exacting man. His letters were not

friendly; scarcely tolerable; for he affected to believe I had given

a false address at the west, when I was residing in the middle

states, and he threw out hints that to me were then inexplicable, but

which the letters left with me, by Paul, have sufficiently explained.

I thought him cruel and unfeeling at the time, but he had an excuse

for his conduct."

"Which was, sir--?" Paul eagerly inquired.

"I perceive by the letters you have given me, my son, that your

mother's family had imbibed the opinion, that I was John Assheton, of

Lancaster, a man of singular humours, who had made an unfortunate

marriage in Spain, and whose wife, I believe, is still living in

Paris, though lost to herself and her friends. My kinsman lived

retired, and never recovered the blow. As he was one of the only

persons of the name, who could have married your mother, her

relatives appear to have taken up the idea that he had been guilty of

bigamy, and of course that Paul was illegitimate. Mr. Warrender, by

his letters, appears even to have had an interview with this person,

and, on mentioning his wife, was rudely repulsed from the house. It

was a proud family, and Mildred being dead, the concealment of the

birth of her child was resorted to, as a means of averting a fancied

disgrace. As for myself, I call the all-seeing eye of God to witness,

that the thought of my being a parent never crossed my mind, until I

learned that a John Assheton was the father of Paul, and that the

miniature of Mildred Warrender, that I received at the period of our

engagement, was the likeness of his mother. The simple declaration of

Captain Ducie concerning the family name of his mother, removed all

doubt."

"But, cousin Jack, did not the mention of Lady Dunluce, of the

Ducies, and of Paul's connections, excite curiosity?"

"Concerning what, dear? I could have no curiosity about a child of

whose existence I was ignorant. I did know that the Warrenders had

pretensions to both rank and fortune in England, but never heard the

title, and cared nothing about money that would not probably, be

Mildred's. Of General Ducie I never even heard, as he married after

my separation,