Ruth by Elizabeth Gaskell (i read book .txt) 📕

and awkwardness—nay, almost forgot the presence of Mr. Bellingham—in her delight at the new, tender beauty of an early spring day in February. Among the last year’s brown ruins, heaped together by the wind in the hedgerows, she found the fresh, green, crinkled leaves and pale star-like flowers of the primroses. Here and there a golden celandine made brilliant the sides of the little brook that (full of water in “February fill-dyke”) bubbled along by the side of the path; the sun was low in the horizon, and once, when they came to a higher part of the Leasowes, Ruth burst into an exclamation of delight at the evening glory of mellow light which was in the sky behind the purple distance, while the brown leafless woods in the foreground derived an almost metallic lustre from the golden mist and haze of sunset. It was but three-quarters of a mile round by the meadows, but somehow it took them an hour to walk it. Ruth turned to thank Mr. Bellingham for his kindness in taking her home by this beautiful way, but his look of admiration at her glowing, animated face, made her suddenly silent; and, hardly wishing him good-bye, she quickly entered the house with a beating, happy, agitated heart.

“How strange it is,” she thought that evening, “that I should feel as if this charming afternoon’s walk were, somehow, not exactly wrong, but yet as if it were not right. Why can it be? I am not defrauding Mrs. Mason of any of her time; that I know would be wrong; I am left to go where I like on Sundays. I have been to church, so it can’t be because I have missed doing my duty. If I had gone this walk with Jenny, I wonder whether I should have felt as I do now. There must be something wrong in me, myself, to feel so guilty when I have done nothing which is not right; and yet I can thank God for the happiness I have had in this charming spring walk, which dear mamma used to say was a sign when pleasures were innocent and good for us.”

She was not conscious, as yet, that Mr. Bellingham’s presence had added any charm to the ramble; and when she might have become aware of this, as, week after week, Sunday after Sunday, loitering ramble after loitering ramble succeeded each other, she was too much absorbed with one set of thoughts to have much inclination for self-questioning.

“Tell me everything, Ruth, as you would to a brother; let me help you, if I can, in your difficulties,” he said to her one afternoon. And he really did try to understand, and to realise, how an insignificant and paltry person like Mason the dressmaker could be an object of dread, and regarded as a person having authority, by Ruth. He flamed up with indignation when, by way of impressing him with Mrs. Mason’s power and consequence, Ruth spoke of some instance of the effects of her employer’s displeasure. He declared his mother should never have a gown made again by such a tyrant—such a Mrs. Brownrigg; that he would prevent all his acquaintances from going to such a cruel dressmaker; till Ruth was alarmed at the threatened consequences of her one-sided account, and pleaded for Mrs. Mason as earnestly as if a young man’s menace of this description were likely to be literally fulfilled.

“Indeed, sir, I have been very wrong; if you please, sir, don’t be so angry. She is often very good to us; it is only sometimes she goes into a passion: and we are very provoking, I dare say. I know I am for one. I have often to undo my work, and you can’t think how it spoils anything (particularly silk) to be unpicked; and Mrs. Mason has to bear all the blame. Oh! I am sorry I said anything about it. Don’t speak to your mother about it, pray, sir. Mrs. Mason thinks so much of Mrs. Bellingham’s custom.”

“Well, I won’t this time”—recollecting that there might be some awkwardness in accounting to his mother for the means by which he had obtained his very correct information as to what passed in Mrs. Mason’s workroom—“but, if ever she does so again, I’ll not answer for myself.”

“I will take care and not tell again, sir,” said Ruth, in a low voice.

“Nay, Ruth, you are not going to have secrets from me, are you? Don’t you remember your promise to consider me as a brother? Go on telling me everything that happens to you, pray; you cannot think how much interest I take in all your interests. I can quite fancy that charming home at Milham you told me about last Sunday. I can almost fancy Mrs. Mason’s workroom; and that, surely, is a proof either of the strength of my imagination, or of your powers of description.”

Ruth smiled. “It is, indeed, sir. Our workroom must be so different to anything you ever saw. I think you must have passed through Milham often on your way to Lowford.”

“Then you don’t think it is any stretch of fancy to have so clear an idea as I have of Milham Grange? On the left hand of the road, is it, Ruth?”

“Yes, sir, just over the bridge, and up the hill where the elm-trees meet overhead and make a green shade; and then comes the dear old Grange, that I shall never see again.”

“Never! Nonsense, Ruthie; it is only six miles off; you may see it any day. It is not an hour’s ride.”

“Perhaps I may see it again when I am grown old; I did not think exactly what ‘never’ meant; it is so very long since I was there, and I don’t see any chance of my going for years and years at any rate.”

“Why, Ruth, you—we may go next Sunday afternoon, if you like.”

She looked up at him with a lovely light of pleasure in her face at the idea.

“How, sir? Can I walk it between afternoon-service and the time Mrs. Mason comes home? I would go for only one glimpse; but if I could get into the house—oh, sir! if I could just see mamma’s room again!”

He was revolving plans in his head for giving her this pleasure, and he had also his own in view. If they went in any of his carriages, the loitering charm of the walk would be lost; and they must, to a certain degree, be encumbered by, and exposed to the notice of servants.

“Are you a good walker, Ruth? Do you think you can manage six miles? If we set off at two o’clock, we shall be there by four, without hurrying; or say half-past four. Then we might stay two hours, and you could show me all the old walks and old places you love, and we could still come leisurely home. Oh, it’s all arranged directly!”

“But do you think it would be right, sir? It seems as if it would be such a great pleasure, that it must be in some way wrong.”

“Why, you little goose, what can be wrong in it?”

“In the first place, I miss going to church by setting out at two,” said Ruth, a little gravely.

“Only for once. Surely you don’t see any harm in missing church for once? You will go in the morning, you know.”

“I wonder if Mrs. Mason would think it right—if she would allow it?”

“No, I dare say not. But you don’t mean to be governed by Mrs. Mason’s notions of right and wrong. She thought it right to treat that poor girl Palmer in the way you told me about. You would think that wrong, you know, and so would every one of sense and feeling. Come, Ruth, don’t pin your faith on any one, but judge for yourself. The pleasure is perfectly innocent: it is not a selfish pleasure either, for I shall enjoy it to the full as much as you will. I shall like to see the places where you spent your childhood; I shall almost love them as much as you do.” He had dropped his voice; and spoke in low, persuasive tones. Ruth hung down her head, and blushed with exceeding happiness; but she could not speak, even to urge her doubts afresh. Thus it was in a manner settled. How delightfully happy the plan made her through the coming week! She was too young when her mother died to have received any cautions or words of advice respecting the subject of a woman’s life—if, indeed, wise parents ever directly speak of what, in its depth and power, cannot be put into words—which is a brooding spirit with no definite form or shape that men should know it, but which is there, and present before we have recognised and realised its existence. Ruth was innocent and snow-pure. She had heard of falling in love, but did not know the signs and symptoms thereof; nor, indeed, had she troubled her head much about them. Sorrow had filled up her days, to the exclusion of all lighter thoughts than the consideration of present duties, and the remembrance of the happy time which had been. But the interval of blank, after the loss of her mother and during her father’s life-in-death, had made her all the more ready to value and cling to sympathy—first from Jenny, and now from Mr. Bellingham. To see her home again, and to see it with him; to show him (secure of his interest) the haunts of former times, each with its little tale of the past—of dead-and-gone events!—No coming shadow threw its gloom over this week’s dream of happiness—a dream which was too bright to be spoken about to common and indifferent ears.