A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Mark Twain (the red fox clan .TXT) đź“•
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- Author: Mark Twain
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“You tested the torpedoes?”
“Well, I was going to, but—”
“But what? Why, it’s an immense oversight not to apply a—”
“Test? Yes, I know; but they’re all right; I laid a few in the public road beyond our lines and they’ve been tested.”
“Oh, that alters the case. Who did it?”
“A Church committee.”
“How kind!”
“Yes. They came to command us to make submission. You see they didn’t really come to test the torpedoes; that was merely an incident.”
“Did the committee make a report?”
“Yes, they made one. You could have heard it a mile.”
“Unanimous?”
“That was the nature of it. After that I put up some signs, for the protection of future committees, and we have had no intruders since.”
“Clarence, you’ve done a world of work, and done it perfectly.”
“We had plenty of time for it; there wasn’t any occasion for hurry.”
We sat silent awhile, thinking. Then my mind was made up, and I said:
“Yes, everything is ready; everything is shipshape, no detail is wanting. I know what to do now.”
“So do I; sit down and wait.”
“No, sir ! rise up and strike !”
“Do you mean it?”
“Yes, indeed! The de fensive isn’t in my line, and the of fensive is. That is, when I hold a fair hand—two-thirds as good a hand as the enemy. Oh, yes, we’ll rise up and strike; that’s our game.”
“A hundred to one you are right. When does the performance begin?”
“Now! We’ll proclaim the Republic.”
“Well, that will precipitate things, sure enough!”
“It will make them buzz, I tell you! England will be a hornets’ nest before noon to-morrow, if the Church’s hand hasn’t lost its cunning—and we know it hasn’t. Now you write and I’ll dictate thus:
“PROCLAMATION“BE IT KNOWN UNTO ALL. Whereas the king having died
and left no heir, it becomes my duty to continue the
executive authority vested in me, until a government
shall have been created and set in motion. The
monarchy has lapsed, it no longer exists. By
consequence, all political power has reverted to its
original source, the people of the nation. With the
monarchy, its several adjuncts died also; wherefore
there is no longer a nobility, no longer a privileged
class, no longer an Established Church; all men are
become exactly equal; they are upon one common
level, and religion is free. A Republic is hereby
proclaimed , as being the natural estate of a nation
when other authority has ceased. It is the duty of
the British people to meet together immediately,
and by their votes elect representatives and deliver
into their hands the government.”
I signed it “The Boss,” and dated it from Merlin’s Cave. Clarence said—
“Why, that tells where we are, and invites them to call right away.”
“That is the idea. We strike—by the Proclamation—then it’s their innings. Now have the thing set up and printed and posted, right off; that is, give the order; then, if you’ve got a couple of bicycles handy at the foot of the hill, ho for Merlin’s Cave!”
“I shall be ready in ten minutes. What a cyclone there is going to be to-morrow when this piece of paper gets to work!... It’s a pleasant old palace, this is; I wonder if we shall ever again—but never mind about that.”
THE BATTLE OF THE SAND BELT
In Merlin’s Cave—Clarence and I and fifty-two fresh, bright, well-educated, clean-minded young British boys. At dawn I sent an order to the factories and to all our great works to stop operations and remove all life to a safe distance, as everything was going to be blown up by secret mines, “and no telling at what moment—therefore, vacate at once.” These people knew me, and had confidence in my word. They would clear out without waiting to part their hair, and I could take my own time about dating the explosion. You couldn’t hire one of them to go back during the century, if the explosion was still impending.
We had a week of waiting. It was not dull for me, because I was writing all the time. During the first three days, I finished turning my old diary into this narrative form; it only required a chapter or so to bring it down to date. The rest of the week I took up in writing letters to my wife. It was always my habit to write to Sandy every day, whenever we were separate, and now I kept up the habit for love of it, and of her, though I couldn’t do anything with the letters, of course, after I had written them. But it put in the time, you see, and was almost like talking; it was almost as if I was saying, “Sandy, if you and Hello-Central were here in the cave, instead of only your photographs, what good times we could have!” And then, you know, I could imagine the baby goo-gooing something out in reply, with its fists in its mouth and itself stretched across its mother’s lap on its back, and she a-laughing and admiring and worshipping, and now and then tickling under the baby’s chin to set it cackling, and then maybe throwing in a word of answer to me herself—and so on and so on—well, don’t you know, I could sit there in the cave with my pen, and keep it up, that way, by the hour with them. Why, it was almost like having us all together again.
I had spies out every night, of course, to get news. Every report made things look more and more impressive. The hosts were gathering, gathering; down all the
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