Mother's Remedies by Thomas Jefferson Ritter (positive books to read txt) 📕

calling, and offers to the ingenious and witty an excellent chance for the display of delicate pleasantry. Thus it is entirely proper to address the note to the baby, and congratulate him on having chosen such charming parents, and such a lovely home. Flowers are not infrequently sent to the mother, and little gifts—soft booties, little gold pins for sleeve and neck, little crocheted or knitted sacks, or dainty bibs—to the baby. [748 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

The Ceremony.—The baby is usually christened when it is six or eight weeks old. Clergymen prefer this should be done at the church, and generally arrange to perform several baptisms at the same time—Children's Day being a favorite time. Otherwise, the christening usually takes place after the congregation is dismissed at the conclusion of a service. Only those interested and a few specially invited friends remain for it. There is no objection, however, to having a child christened at home, when the affair is made one of more festivity.

Most young married people prefer to have the clergyman who married them christen their first baby, when practicable.

Sponsors.—The baby's sponsors are chosen, by the parents' agreement, from among their relatives and close friends, almost always those of their own communion. The request is preferred verbally or by personal notes. A boy has a godmother and two godfathers; a girl two godmothers and a godfather. Occasionally this rule is broken and a godmother alone chosen for a girl, and one godfather for a boy. Godparents are supposed to stand in a more intimate relation to their godchildren than to others, and to take a more personal interest in them, especially in case of the parents' death. It is a serious relation, involving a certain religious responsibility, and is not to be lightly entered into.

The godparents are expected to make christening gifts to the child on his baptismal day. They are usually in the form of silver cups, porringers, silver spoons, forks, etc.; these should be solid, never plated ware. If the babe is named for one of its godparents, the latter is expected to do something handsome in the way of a christening gift. Sometimes a bank account is opened in the child's name, the sum deposited being left at interest until he becomes of age.

Church Christenings.—At a church christening, the babe is dressed in its handsomest robe and cap. Formerly the robes were very long and miracles of lace and embroidery; at present the finest of linen lawn or batiste, with a little real lace at neck and sleeves, and a bit of fine French embroidery, is thought in better taste, even in the case of the very wealthy. And many a blessed baby is given his name in a simple little lawn robe with no embellishment beyond a little tucking—done by the mother's own hands, perhaps.

The nurse carries the child into the church. Sponsors and parents group themselves around the font, which is often decorated with white flowers. The godmother has the privilege of holding the babe until it is time to lay him in the clergyman's arms, the cap having been removed. The parents make the responses; after the naming the godmother takes the little one again, holding him until the close of the service. She should not wipe away any of the water placed on the child's head. A good baby is expected not to cry during the ceremony, and one advantage of an early christening is that the little fellow is less liable to be alarmed at strange surroundings.

The same forms are observed at a home christening, the hour being usually in the afternoon.

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A luncheon to which the clergyman and the christening party, and a few friends if desired, are invited, customarily follows the church ceremony—unless several children of other families are baptized at the same time—and always follows the home christening. It is not unusual to make some recognition of a clergyman's services at a church christening, and always is in order at the home rite, though it is not expected as a clergyman counts on his wedding fee.

If church or house is decorated for a christening, white flowers only are employed, in conjunction with palms and ferns to relieve them. White lilies are particularly beautiful. The table is adorned with white flowers; the cakes and bonbons are white. Any desired refreshments may be served, those for afternoon tea being suitable. That old-fashioned beverage known as caudle is never served at any other time. It is dispensed in bouillon cups.

MOURNING ETIQUETTE.

Conduct of Funerals—

So brief the span between our birth and death that the etiquette of burial may fittingly follow that of the christening ceremony. It might be supposed that the funeral, especially the private, could be conducted without formality. But informality often means disorder, and simplicity without order is confusion. There is no time where lack of order and system so grate on one's nerves as at a funeral. The less "fuss" on such an occasion the better, and for that reason, the routine of meals should go on as usual, though no one seems to have the heart to eat them. Still, it is in a way a comfort to most people to feel the chain of accustomed habit; it brings a trifling sense of relief.

Save in the case of a person who has been prominent in the public eye, there is no excuse, or reason, for any but a private funeral. Time was when not to hasten to the house of death was thought unkind; not to attend the funeral of an acquaintance a mark of disrespect. We have changed all that. We do not expect the uninvited to attend our weddings and receptions, why should they come at times of much more intimate and personal emotion—those times when we can hardly endure the words and presence of those we love best? What the sensitive have endured at the hands—or tongues—of well-meaning but clumsy sympathizers—not infrequently curious as well as sympathetic—only those who have suffered can relate. In addition to the natural grief experienced, the members of the family are usually worn out with nights of watching and days of anxiety; it is a fresh strain to be obliged to see people, relate sick-room details and listen to stereotyped condolences.

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The Undertaker.—Cases are rare where there is not some "next friend" who is competent to see the undertaker, and arrange details with him. In fact, the undertaker may well be put in charge. He should be competent and experienced. A clumsy, fussy undertaker is an affliction.

The undertaker will obtain the physician's certificate as to the cause of death, without which in many cities a burial permit cannot be issued. He will secure the necessary permit, see to the preparation of the grave, and the purchase of a lot if necessary, arrange the house for the funeral, furnish the bearers, and secure the requisite number of carriages; and, before the family returns from the cemetery, have the funeral paraphernalia out of the house, so that the maids or whoever is left in charge can restore the rooms to their wonted order. Everything possible is done to spare the grief-stricken.

The Duties of the Next Friend.—The actual duties devolving upon the person representing the family include ascertaining their wishes as regards the officiating clergyman and his notification of their desire and the hour of the funeral; for music, if any is desired; the selection of a casket, and determining the number of carriages to be ordered. A written list of relatives and friends who will go to the cemetery, arranged in order of their relationship, four in a carriage, is given the undertaker for his guidance in assigning those present to their places. The friend of the family will accompany the undertaker to the cemetery if a lot must be purchased, or he may go alone, the undertaker receiving his instructions from the cemetery authorities. If any special position is desired for the new grave, this will be definitely stated. With this knowledge, an undertaker will conduct a burial so quietly and decorously that as a bereaved wife once remarked, it was "a real comfort to have John buried." She did not quite mean what she implied, however.

Where means suffice, a black cloth-covered casket with silver mountings is chosen. If the interment is in a vault, a metallic casket is obligatory. The child's casket is white; that for a young person is white or pearl-gray.

It is no longer necessary to call on friends and neighbors to bear the dead to their last resting-place, though it may be done. Honorary pall-bearers are chosen among the associates of the dead in case he is a prominent personage; the active may be relatives, or undertaker's assistants. A child is sometimes borne by his or her little school friends, though it seems a pity to call on children for such offices.

The House Funeral.—At the house funeral the family remains upstairs, or is seated in the room with the casket, the former more customary. The clergyman stands at the head of the casket, or in the doorway, that his voice may be heard. At the conclusion of the service, those not going to the cemetery quietly disperse; the carriages drive up; the undertaker in a low voice assigns the relatives to them in proper order, and the cortege moves off. At the grave, the remainder of the solemn service is read, the casket lowered, and all is over.

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That dreadful custom known as "viewing the remains," by which those present file past the casket for a last look at the dead, is obsolete. The bereaved take their farewell before any arrivals; those who desire to behold the face of the dead do so as they enter, then are seated in another room. Sometimes the casket is closed before the funeral.

Church Funerals.—The church funeral is more dignified, perhaps, but much less common than a few years ago. Good taste counsels that our leaving, like our arrival in this world, be a purely family affair. Those who attend a church funeral are in their seats when the cortege arrives. The organ is softly played as the casket is borne up the aisle, the clergyman preceding it; its rests before the chancel, the clergyman reads the burial service from the step, the mourners, who have followed the casket, being seated in the front pews. The procession retires in the same order, the congregation dispersing afterwards.

Flowers.—Flowers are usually ordered the day before the funeral, to arrive in the morning, that they may be fresh. Cards are removed before they are taken to the cemetery. Colored flowers, preferably those of pale tints, are admissible, though American Beauties are not infrequently sent. Wreaths of galax leaves are often ordered for the funeral of an elderly person; sometimes half of the wreath is of the leaves and the remainder of flowers. Wreaths and sprays are almost invariably sent by private individuals, the stereotyped "emblems" like "the broken wheel," "gates ajar," etc., being the offerings of clubs, or other organizations to which the deceased may have belonged. Where there is a great quantity of flowers, the loose sprays are often sent to the sick in hospitals, only enough to cover the grave being reserved. The visitor to a cemetery could find it in his heart to wish that when the beauty of these floral offerings has departed, the sodden remnants might be speedily removed. They speak so forcibly of forgetfulness.

MOURNING GARMENTS.

The custom of wearing mourning after a bereavement is almost universal. Even the poorest endeavor to show their grief by donning a few shreds of black, while among the well-to-do an entire new wardrobe is felt to be obligatory. However our religion bids us look forward to a more perfect existence in the beyond, however truly death may be a relief from pain and suffering, custom, that makes cowards of us all, must be followed. Often too, mourning garb is but the visible evidence of the gloom that oppresses us spiritually. In spite of our faith, our sense of loss and loneliness is best expressed in sad raiment and abstinence from pleasures. Often it would be kindness to the living to go our way as usual, but that is not in harmony with our hearts.

Mourning is in a manner a protection to a woman. Strangers respect her sorrow and refrain from the jocular. Behind her crepe she may defy intrusion. But it often becomes a hardship to the young.

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"I missed all my youth," complained a middle-aged woman. "We were a large family. A brother died when I was sixteen and we went into mourning and shut ourselves away from entertainments. Then