The History Of The Life Of The Late Mr. Jonathan Wild The Great(Fiscle Part 3) by Henry Fielding (best e book reader android .TXT) 📕

Of Hats.

Wild Had Now Got Together A Very Considerable Gang,  Composed Of

Undone Gamesters,  Ruined Bailiffs,  Broken Tradesmen,  Idle

Apprentices,  Attorneys' Clerks,  And Loose And Disorderly Youth,

Who,  Being Born To No Fortune,  Nor Bred To Any Trade Or

Profession,  Were Willing To Live Luxuriously Without Labour. As

These Persons Wore Different Principles,  I.E. Hats,  Frequent

Dissensions Grew Among Them. There Were Particularly Two Parties,

Viz.,  Those Who Wore Hats Fiercely Cocked,  And Those Who Preferred

The Nab Or Trencher Hat,  With The Brim Flapping Over Their Eyes.

The Former Were Called Cavaliers And Tory Rory Ranter Boys,  &C.;

The Latter Went By The Several Names Of Wags,  Roundheads,

Shakebags,  Old-Nolls,  And Several Others. Between These,  Continual

Jars Arose,  Insomuch That They Grew In Time To Think There Was

Something Essential In Their Differences,  And That Their Interests

Were Incompatible With Each Other,  Whereas,  In Truth,  The

Difference Lay Only In The Fashion Of Their Hats. Wild,  Therefore,

Having Assembled Them All At An Alehouse On The Night After

Fierce's Execution,  And,  Perceiving Evident Marks Of Their

Misunderstanding,  From Their Behaviour To Each Other,  Addressed

Them In The Following Gentle,  But Forcible Manner: [Footnote:

There Is Something Very Mysterious In This Speech,  Which Probably

That Chapter Written By Aristotle On This Subject,  Which Is

Mentioned By A French Author,  Might Have Given Some Light Into;

But That Is Unhappily Among The Lost Works Of That Philosopher. It

Is Remarkable That Galerus,  Which Is Latin For A Hat,  Signifies

Likewise A Dog-Fish,  As The Greek Word Kuneae Doth The Skin Of

That Animal; Of Which I Suppose The Hats Or Helmets Of The

Ancients Were Composed,  As Ours At Present Are Of The Beaver Or

Rabbit. Sophocles,  In The Latter End Of His Ajax,  Alludes To A

Method Of Cheating In Hats,  And The Scholiast On The Place Tells

Us Of One Crephontes,  Who Was A Master Of The Art. It Is

Observable Likewise That Achilles,  In The First Iliad Of Homer,

Tells Agamemnon,  In Anger,  That He Had Dog's Eyes. Now,  As The

Eyes Of A Dog Are Handsomer Than Those Of Almost Any Other Animal,

This Could Be No Term Of Reproach. He Must Therefore Mean That He

Had A Hat On,  Which,  Perhaps,  From The Creature It Was Made Of,  Or

From Some Other Reason,  Might Have Been A Mark Of Infamy. This

Superstitious Opinion May Account For That Custom,  Which Hath

Descended Through All Nations,  Of Shewing Respect By Pulling Off

This Covering,  And That No Man Is Esteemed Fit To Converse With

His Superiors With It On. I Shall Conclude This Learned Note With

Remarking That The Term Old Hat Is At Present Used By The Vulgar

In No Very Honourable Sense.]--"Gentlemen,  I Am Ashamed To See Men

Embarked In So Great And Glorious An Undertaking,  As That Of

Robbing The Public,  So Foolishly And Weakly Dissenting Among

Themselves. Do You Think The First Inventors Of Hats,  Or At Least

Of The Distinctions Between Them,  Really Conceived That One Form

Of Hats Should Inspire A Man With Divinity,  Another With Law,

Another With Learning,  Or Another With Bravery? No,  They Meant No

More By These Outward Signs Than To Impose On The Vulgar,  And,

Instead Of Putting Great Men To The Trouble Of Acquiring Or

Maintaining The Substance,  To Make It Sufficient That They

Condescend To Wear The Type Or Shadow Of It. You Do Wisely,

Therefore,  When In A Crowd,  To Amuse The Mob By Quarrels On Such

Accounts,  That While They Are Listening To Your Jargon You May

With The Greater Ease And Safety Pick Their Pockets: But Surely To

Be In Earnest,  And Privately To Keep Up Such A Ridiculous

Contention Among Yourselves,  Must Argue The Highest Folly And

Absurdity. When You Know You Are All Prigs,  What Difference Can A

Broad Or A Narrow Brim Create? Is A Prig Less A Prig In One Hat

Than In Another? If The Public Should Be Weak Enough To Interest

Themselves In Your Quarrels,  And To Prefer One Pack To The Other,

While Both Are Aiming At Their Purses,  It Is Your Business To

Laugh At,  Not Imitate Their Folly. What Can Be More Ridiculous

Than For Gentlemen To Quarrel About Hats,  When There Is Not One

Among You Whose Hat Is Worth A Farthing? What Is The Use Of A Hat

Farther Than To Keep The Head Warm,  Or To Hide A Bald Crown From

The Public? It Is The Mark Of A Gentleman To Move His Hat On Every

Occasion; And In Courts And Noble Assemblies No Man Ever Wears

One. Let Me Hear No More Therefore Of This Childish Disagreement,

But All Toss Up Your Hats Together With One Accord,  And Consider

That Hat As The Best,  Which Will Contain The Largest Booty." He

Thus Ended His Speech,  Which Was Followed By A Murmuring Applause,

And Immediately All Present Tossed Their Hats Together As He Had

Commanded Them.

Shewing The Consequence Which Attended Heartfree's Adventures With

Wild; All Natural And Common Enough To Little Wretches Who Deal

With Great Men; Together With Some Precedents Of Letters,  Being

The Different Methods Of Answering A Dun.

Let Us Now Return To Heartfree,  To Whom The Count's Note,  Which He

Had Paid Away,  Was Returned,  With An Account That The Drawer Was

Not To Be Found,  And That,  On Enquiring After Him,  They Had Heard

He Had Run Away,  And Consequently The Money Was Now Demanded Of

The Endorser. The Apprehension Of Such A Loss Would Have Affected

Any Man Of Business,  But Much More One Whose Unavoidable Ruin It

Must Prove. He Expressed So Much Concern And Confusion On This

Occasion,  That The Proprietor Of The Note Was Frightened,  And

Resolved To Lose No Time In Securing What He Could. So That In The

Afternoon Of The Same Day Mr. Snap Was Commissioned To Pay

Heartfree A Visit,  Which He Did With His Usual Formality,  And

Conveyed Him To His Own House.

Mrs. Heartfree Was No Sooner Informed Of What Had Happened To Her

Husband Than She Raved Like One Distracted; But After She Had

Vented The First Agonies Of Her Passion In Tears And Lamentations

She Applied Herself To All Possible Means To Procure Her Husband's

Liberty. She Hastened To Beg Her Neighbours To Secure Bail For

Him. But,  As The News Had Arrived At Their Houses Before Her,  She

Found None Of Them At Home,  Except An Honest Quaker,  Whose

Servants Durst Not Tell A Lie. However,  She Succeeded No Better

With Him,  For Unluckily He Had Made An Affirmation The Day Before

That He Would Never Be Bail For Any Man. After Many Fruitless

Efforts Of This Kind She Repaired To Her Husband,  To Comfort Him

At Least With Her Presence. She Found Him Sealing The Last Of

Several Letters,  Which He Was Despatching To His Friends And

Creditors. The Moment He Saw Her A Sudden Joy Sparkled In His

Eyes,  Which,  However,  Had A Very Short Duration; For Despair Soon

Closed Them Again; Nor Could He Help Bursting Into Some Passionate

Expressions Of Concern For Her And His Little Family,  Which She,

On Her Part,  Did Her Utmost To Lessen,  By Endeavouring To Mitigate

The Loss,  And To Raise In Him Hopes From The Count,  Who Might,  She

Said,  Be Possibly Only Gone Into The Country. She Comforted Him

Likewise With The Expectation Of Favour From His Acquaintance,

Especially From Those Whom He Had In A Particular Manner Obliged

And Served. Lastly,  She Conjured Him,  By All The Value And Esteem

He Professed For Her,  Not To Endanger His Health,  On Which Alone

Depended Her Happiness,  By Too Great An Indulgence Of Grief;

Assuring Him That No State Of Life Could Appear Unhappy To Her

With Him,  Unless His Own Sorrow Or Discontent Made It So.

In This Manner Did This Weak Poor-Spirited Woman Attempt To

Relieve Her Husband's Pains,  Which It Would Have Rather Become Her

To Aggravate,  By Not Only Painting Out His Misery In The Liveliest

Colours Imaginable,  But By Upbraiding Him With That Folly And

Confidence Which Had Occasioned It,  And By Lamenting Her Own Hard

Fate In Being Obliged To Share His Sufferings.

Heartfree Returned This Goodness (As It Is Called) Of His Wife

With The Warmest Gratitude,  And They Passed An Hour In A Scene Of

Tenderness Too Low And Contemptible To Be Recounted To Our Great

Readers. We Shall Therefore Omit All Such Relations,  As They Tend

Only To Make Human Nature Low And Ridiculous.

Those Messengers Who Had Obtained Any Answers To His Letters Now

Returned. We Shall Here Copy A Few Of Them,  As They May Serve For

Precedents To Others Who Have An Occasion,  Which Happens Commonly

Enough In Genteel Life,  To Answer The Impertinence Of A Dun.

    Letter I.---

Mr. Heartfree,--My Lord Commands Me To Tell You He Is Very Much

Surprized At Your Assurance In Asking For Money Which You Know

Hath Been So Little While Due; However,  As He Intends To Deal No

Longer At Your Shop,  He Hath Ordered Me To Pay You As Soon As I

Shall Have Cash In Hand,  Which,  Considering Many Disbursements For

Bills Long Due,  &C.,  Can't Possibly Promise Any Time,  &C.,  At

Present. And Am Your Humble Servant,

        Roger Morcraft.