The Quest of Glory by Marjorie Bowen (book recommendations based on other books .txt) 📕
The air was oppressive with the powerful perfume of strong incense, and yet even more bitterly cold than the outer night; the light was dim, flickering, rich, and luxurious, and came wholly from hanging lamps of yellow, blue, and red glass. In what appeared the extreme distance, the altar sparkled in the gleam of two huge candles of painted wax, and behind and about it showed green translucent, unsubstantial shapes of arches and pillars rising up and disappearing in the great darkness of the roof, which was as impenetrable as a starless heaven.
The church was bare of chair or pew or stool; the straight sweep of the nave was broken only by the dark outlines of princely tombs where lay the dust of former Bohemian kings and queens: their reclining figures so much above and beyond humanity, yet so startlingly like life, could be seen in
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“With you, Luc, with you,” cried the Marquis vehemently. “She is waiting
for you; she is constant to you. Do not cast away the best thing left to
you.”
“My father,” cried Luc, “do not you tempt me! I have faced it all. I
counted the cost that night I rode here. I knew then I had lost her. Do
not speak of it.”
Something in his quivering tone quelled the old man.
“You will at least see her?” he asked humbly, in the wild hope that
Clémence’s pity and generous tenderness might overcome his son’s
resolution. “She looks upon you as her future husband.”
“I will see her,” answered Luc, and his scarred face flushed dully. “I
fear I have given her some pain—and you, and my mother, Monseigneur. I
must adjust it all as best I may.”
And while he spoke he was thinking, “She left no message. I wonder if
she spoke of me, or thought of me at all?”
“Our home is at Aix,” said the old Marquis, “and you are my eldest son.
I, as you know, was never eager for you to go to Paris—but you had
then—ambitions—and I acceded to them. Now I shall be glad to have you
at home, and after a little while you also, Luc, will be glad to be with
your own people.”
Through Luc’s brain ran the weary question, “If I had known it was for
the last time, would it have made any difference? Yet I did know.”
Aloud he said—
“Mademoiselle must be free, my father. It was never in my mind that she
believed herself bound.”
“But you have promised me that you will see her.”
“Yes,” answered Luc sadly. “Poor child!”
The Marquis hesitated, looked on the ground, then raised his head
suddenly.
“Luc,” he said, “this alliance is an honour to M. de Séguy and to his
daughter.”
The bowed young man turned his disfigured eyes on his father with
another kind of pride.
“My God, look at me!” he said.
M. de Vauvenargues shivered, but the haughty expression of his face did
not relax.
“You are Luc de Clapiers, and my eldest son,” he answered.
“And for that reason I shall not marry Mademoiselle de Séguy,” said Luc
gently, “because it would be so—unworthy.”
A dark flush came over the Marquis’s face. He turned abruptly and left
the room. His heavy, proud tread echoed with a sound of authority
through the confined, silent spaces of the convent.
Luc remained for a moment with his dim gaze resting on the door through
which she had passed for the last time. He could recall every fold of
her brocade gown, every line and shade in her face, every curl and twist
in the long, loose knot of her dark hair.
He wondered where her grave was, and how she had looked in her shroud.
His vivid fancy pictured her the thing of loathing into which the
hideous disease she died of had turned her—and shuddered back from that
image, and saw her again standing against the whitewashed walls saying,
“Good-bye.”
“Clémence,” he said under his breath, and saw two women—one forgone and
lost, one to forgo and lose.
He met her in his father’s house that evening. He entered upon her
through the folding doors of the withdrawing-room, and saw her before
she saw him.
The sight of her filled him with an almost intolerable yearning and
longing for that happiness he must never enjoy. She was standing by the
fire-place. A lamp was on a low table beside her, and it illuminated a
gentle beauty that seemed divine to the man who had crawled back
mutilated from the embrace of death.
Her vows, her kisses, her joy in his presence, her tremulous hopes of
pleasing him rushed back to him. Her fair figure in its setting of
light, warmth, comfort, and luxury could not have been more alluring to
him. Yet he never hesitated for an instant in his resolution that all
the things she stood for were things that must be lost to him for ever.
She was standing very erect, looking into the fire. Her gown was pink
and her bosom covered with lace. She held a prayer-book in her left
hand.
While Luc still waited, lightly holding the curtain apart, she moved and
lowered the lamp.
“Mademoiselle,” said Luc.
Her shaking hand shot the wick into darkness.
“Why, Luc,” she cried in a trembling voice, “the light has gone out!”
He noted the relief in her tone, and guessed something of the effort to
which she had nerved herself; it made him the stronger.
“Mademoiselle,” he said, “it is very gracious of you to permit me to
take this farewell of you.”
Her voice answered weakly out of the fire-flushed darkness—
“Farewell? Farewell?”
He came into the room cautiously and feeling his way by the furniture.
The darkness was darkness indeed to him. He could see nothing of her but
a rosy glimmer where her skirt caught the direct glow of the flames.
He paused by the head of a sofa which had stood against the wall since
he was a child, and gripped the smooth, familiar curl of the back.
“You were never afraid that I should ask more of you than ‘farewell,’
were you, Mademoiselle?” he said sweetly in his tired, slightly hoarse
voice.
She fortified herself by memories, by the thought of the old Marquis, of
his mother, by her own ideals. She tried to stifle her fatal pity that
wished to weep over him, and to summon instead some ghost of last
summer’s love to help her.
“Luc,” she said, with surprising steadiness, “you must not assume that I
am inconstant, ignoble. You need me more than ever.”
He interrupted her, very gently.
“But you have no need of me.”
“Yes—ah, yes. This is a strange greeting for you to give me—Luc.” Her
voice rose desperately. “Everything is as it was before.”
“No,” he said; “everything is changed. You know it—you knew it when
you turned the lamp out.”
She was silent.
“God knows,” he continued slowly, “that it would be pleasant to me to
believe what you say—to deceive myself, to sweeten my great loneliness
by your loyal duty, by your tender service—by all the gracious phantoms
you would conjure from the grave of your dead love—but I am not the
coward who would take your sweet self-sacrifice.”
“You make me a coward!” came her voice, very low. “What am I to say?”
“Farewell,” he answered.
He heard her move and saw the blur of her pink skirt pass out of the
firelight.
“No,” she said, “I will be true—I will keep my vows—I have no
right—”
“Nor I,” he put in quickly. He paused a moment, then said quietly, “I
have no career before me. I shall always be my father’s pensioner, and I
shall always be an invalid—and, though no one knows it, the doctor
warned me that I have only a few years to live.”
“Oh!” shuddered Clémence.
He cautiously moved a little nearer to her, treading delicately and
feeling his way.
“There is nothing to grieve over—and nothing to regret,” he said, “save
that I ever entangled your life with mine, Mademoiselle. Yet it has
given me the very sweetest memories—and afterwards, in the long years
ahead of you, when you are honoured and loved as you are worthy of
being, it cannot lessen your happiness to remember that you were the
fairest, most sacred thing in the life of a man who did not know—much
joy.”
He paused and coughed. She was sobbing childishly.
“Your tears will be repaid you,” he added in a faltering voice. “You
weep for a man who worships you, and who blesses God for having known
you—and when you think afterwards of how much it meant to me to meet
this tenderness I could not take, you will not regret those tears,
Clémence.”
He heard her sobs lessen as she struggled to master her tears; he heard
her move towards him.
“Take me,” she muttered. “I wish it—I meant what I said—I am yours. I
could make you happier—let me—I will keep my word.”
“Ah, hush!” he answered hoarsely; “you have not even seen me.”
“You take away my courage,” she interrupted. “I could have done it—you
would never have known.” She broke into sobs again. “Why did you do it?
Why was everything so cruel? I think I shall go mad. Luc, Luc, I loved
you—on my soul I did! I would have died for you. But why did you go
away and come back changed—changed to me? You do not want my love! You
refuse my faith! Who was that woman you went with? Where is she now?”
“Dead—dead—dead.”
“Ah! Does it matter to you?”
Luc felt his way nearer to her. He moved into the dim circle of the
fire-glow; he could make out her misty shape.
“Do you not want me?” she asked, and her voice was steady now.
“Yes,” said Luc—“more than I ever wanted you. You asked about
the—Countess. She was brave and kind and, I think, had virtues I know
not of. I was never more than outside her life—she was not of the same
blood—she did not understand. You do—you know what I can do—you will
not tempt me.”
“Tempt you,” she repeated softly. “But if I wanted it?”
“But you do not, Clémence,” he said gravely and sadly. “You are only
pretending for my sake, for my father’s sake, for the sake of your own
ideals. And presently you would come to hate me.”
She rose and moved restlessly.
“Do—you—not believe in love,” she asked hesitatingly—“in love being
stronger than—anything?”
“Yes.”
“Then why cannot we—surmount this?”
Luc was silent.
“Why?” persisted Clémence.
He thought she was straining towards him through the darkness.
“Ah, my dear!” he cried brokenly, “if you loved me—how different! You
said just now, ‘I could have done it—you would never have known.’ Do
not try to deceive me.”
There was a long silence, then she answered in a muffled but steady
tone—
“You are right, Monsieur. I will not dare to force on you my ideas. You
must act by your own—I will not humiliate you by insisting on your
taking any sacrifice. I am speaking very coldly. Forgive me. My heart is
not cold. I see there was not in either of our affections anything
strong enough to weather storms—and you want the rest of your life
free. And I see that you cannot keep me to an old promise—a de
Clapiers, Monsieur, can only behave as you have behaved.”
She gave a great sigh, as if she was exhausted, and a chill sense of
desolation filled the room.
“Tell me,” said Luc—“you were afraid?”
“Yes,” she admitted lifelessly; “but I would have done it.”
“Mademoiselle, I never doubted your courage.”
“I—did not lie to you,” came her toneless voice, “when I vowed—I
meant—”
“I know,” he said—“I know.”
“And your father—your poor father—”
“He has courage too,” answered Luc, and he laughed. “Light the lamp now,
Mademoiselle,” he added.
“No—my eyes are too tired,” she replied hastily.
“Mademoiselle, I am going to strike a light; but first—may I kiss your
hand?”
He heard her rise. The fire was dying out and he saw the long gleam
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