Samantha at the World's Fair by Marietta Holley (ebook and pdf reader txt) 📕

The original cave, so fur as they have discovered it, is thirty-three milds long—

Three times as long as the hull town of Lyme—the idee!

Thirty lakes of pure water has been found in it, and one thousand four hundred rooms have been opened up.

[Pg 409]

Here is a reproduction of seven of them rooms. Two men of Deadwood of Dakota wuz over a year a-gittin' specimens of the stalactites and stalagmites which they have brought to the Exposition.

One of the rooms is called "Garden of the Gods;" another is "Abode of the Fairies," and one is the "Bridal Chamber;" another is the "Cathedral Chimes."

Language can't paint nor do anything towards paintin' the dazzlin' glory of them rooms, with the great masses of gleamin' crystal, and slender columns, and all sorts of forms and fancies wrought in the dazzlin' crystalline masses.

The chimes wuz perfect in their musical records—the guide played a tune on 'em.

They wuz all lit up by electricity, and it wuz here that the plants wuz a-growin' by no other light but electricity.

By windin' passages a-windin' through groups of fairy-like beauty and grandeur, you at last come out into the principal chamber, and here indeed you did feel that you wuz in the Garden of the Gods, as you looked round and beheld with your almost dazzled eyes the gorgeous colors radiatin' from the crystals, and the gleamin' and glowin' fancies on every side of you.

And I sez to Josiah—

[Pg 410]

"The hull thirty-three milds that this represents wuz considered till about a year ago as only a small hole in the ground, so little do we know." Sez I, "What glorious and majestic sights are about us on every side, liable to be revealed to us when the time comes."

And then he wuz all rousted up about a hole down in our paster. Sez he, "Who knows what it would lead to if it wuz opened up?" Sez he, "I'll put twenty men to diggin' there the minute I git home."

Sez I, "Josiah, that is a woodchuck hole—the woodchuck wuz took in it; you have got to be megum in caves as much as anything. Be calm," sez I, for he wuz a-breathin' hard and wuz fearful excited, and I led him out as quick as I could.

But he wuz a-sleepin' now peaceful, forgittin' his enthusiasm, while I, who took it calm at the time, kep awake to muse on the glory of the spectacle.

After we left the Horticultural Buildin' I proposed that we should branch out for once and git a fashionable dinner.

"Dinner!" sez Josiah. "Are you crazy, or what does ail you? Talk about gittin' dinner at this time of day—most bedtime!"

But I explained it out to him that fashion called for dinner at the hour that we usually partook of our evenin' meal at Jonesville.

[Pg 411]

Sez I, "Josiah, I would love for jest once to go to a big fashionable restaurant and mingle with the fashionable throng—jest for instruction and education, Josiah, not that I want to foller it up."

But sez he, "We'd better go to the same old place where we've got good, clean dinners and supperses, and enough on 'em, and at a livin' price."

But he argued warm at the foolishness of the enterprise.

But onlucky creeter that I wuz, I argued that, bein' a woman in search of instruction and wisdom, I wanted to see life on as many sides as I could; while I was at Columbuses doin's I wanted to look round and see all I could in a social and educational way.

Poor deceived human creeters, how they will blind their own eyes when they pursue their own desires!

I do spoze it wuz vanity and pride that wuz at the bottom of it.

And truly, if I desired to see life on a new side I wuz about to have my wish; and if I had a haughty sperit when I entered that hall of fashion, it wuz with droopin' feathers and lowered crest that I went out on't.

Josiah wuz mad when he finally gin up and accompanied and went in with me.

[Pg 412]

It wuz a beautifully decorated room, and crowds of splendidly dressed men and wimmen wuz a-settin' round at little tables all over the room.

And as we went in, a tall, elegant-lookin' man, who I spozed for a long time wuz a minister, and I wondered enough what brung him there, and why he should advance and wait on me, but spozed it wuz because of the high opinion they had of me at Chicago, and their wantin' to use me so awful well.

But for all his white collar, and necktie, and sanctimonious look, I found out that he wuz a waiter, for all on 'em looked jest as he did, slick enough to be kept in a bandbox, and only let out once in a while to air.

Wall, he led the way to a little table, and we seated ourselves, Josiah still a-actin' mad—mad as a hen, and uppish.

And then the waiter put some little slips of paper before us, one with printin' and one with writin' on it, and a pencil, and sez he, "I will be back when you make out your order."

And Josiah took out his old silver spectacles and begun to read out loud, and his voice wuz angry and morbid in the extreme.

Sez he, loud and clear, "Blue pints—pints of what, I'd love to know? If it wuz[Pg 413] a good pint of sweetened vinegar and ginger, I'd fall in with the idee."

[Pg 414]

Sez I, "Keep still, Josiah; they're a-lookin' at you."

"Wall, let 'em look," sez he, out loud and defiant.

"Consomme of chicken a la princess—what do we want of Princesses here, or Queens, or Dukesses—we want sunthin' to eat! Devilish crabs—do you want some, Samantha?"

I looked over his shoulder, in wild horrer at them awful words, and then I whispered, "Devilled crabs—and do you keep still, Josiah Allen; I'd ruther not have anythin' to eat at all than to have you act so—it hain't devilish."

"Wall, what is the difference?" he sez, out loud and strong; "devilish or bedevilled, they both mean the same.

"And it is true, too—too true; they are all bedevilled," sez he, gloomily eyin' the bill.

I allers hated crabs from the time they used to fasten to my bare toes down in the old swimmin' hole in the creek. "Wall, you don't want any bedevilled crabs, do you?"