All my life by Chamudi Semini (english novels for beginners txt) 📕

Breathe in. breath out. That was what I thought before going out of the stage. If you haven’t guessed yet today is the annual talent show. Believe me when I say this I like this day with my whole heart just a moment ago but well now I hate this day with my whole heart. Well today was crappy, extra crappy than my normal days. Believe it or not my days are always crappy. Just to let you know the feelings in my heart was really heavy.

 Was I in love?

A definite NO

 Was I sad?

Just a little bit

Then what was that feeling?   

Oh it was something combined by Anger, Sad that I couldn’t do well and the Awareness that she did well. Still can’t figure out what I’m feeling. I hope you got it. I was feeling Jealous.

Why was I feeling Jealous?

I DON”T KNOW yet.

Putting away my feeling to the recycle bin in my head I walked toward one of the talented people in this school. I awkwardly waved at her and faced her. Oh don’t worry the face she saw was just a one with pure happiness, the opposite from what was inside me.

“You did really well, congratulations by the way” I said in my happy go voice.

“Oh thank you.”  Distaste was clear in her voice.

 Was I that unacceptable?

 I don’t know myself, shocking right.

“I’ll be on my way” she smiled a real fake smile and left with many people following her. They all fall for her act. It makes me want to scowl. What a shock she wants to scowl. I know, I know I just hate scowling.

I got out off the back stage and walked to my friends.  

“Your act was great”

“You did wonderful”

“It was amazing” what great friends they are lying I know but they care about my feelings. After thanking for their complements I excused myself and went to the changing rooms to get out of these ridiculous clothes. My friends asked to come with me but I stopped them saying that ‘not to worry about me’

After a ridiculously long time fumbling with buttons and ribbons I was able to get that dress from 70’s out of my body. I sighed along sigh and dressed in my usual jeans and hood. After putting my hair in a ponytail I walked over to the garden. Oh do not be surprised our school actually have a garden. Get out of it already. I love our schools garden. It is really beautiful. There are many trees at the edge of it. We always liked to go there and sit enjoying the coolness.

The trees. They were majestic. They looked so royal. They were our nature. They are the people who supply each and every one of our needs. DO NOT think that I have a crush on trees. But come on they are beautiful. Admit it whole heartedly that you guys too like trees. If not you are not a human.

I walked slowly enjoying the view towards the trees. Well not exactly enjoying the view I was thinking hard really hard. Today was a one heck of day there was no way it could get worse. I was humiliated, mind if I tell you in front of the whole school. It was really embarrassing.  But now I think back to what happened I think that I was really brave and myself appreciated the fact that I didn’t run off the stage. Now that would be really embarrassing. Thank the Gods that I didn’t runoff and didn’t make this day get any bader.

Just then I heard voices. Not just voices but the voices of my friends. A smile took upon my face as I hurried toward them. Then just in a matter of a second I was frozen. Remember what I said earlier that today couldn’t get any bader. I take that back. Today will get more bad than any other day. And today will be one of those worst days of my life.

Like I said before I was frozen so frozen that you would be able to use me as a refrigerator. Now that is not the best idea about frozen but get the idea galls. I was frozen. Okay, Okay I’ll tell you what I happened before I was frozen. Well it is more like what I heard before I froze.

“Rosaline is a complete bitch” how wonderful my two month old best friends are backstabbing me. Great Not. It really wasn’t cool guys. The world really is a hard place to live in.

Well after the shock died down I quickly cat walked towards my so called best friends. I really wasn’t sure why the hell did I walked towards them but my legs seemed grow a mind of their own.

“Good thing that you haven’t said to her that you are dating the captain of the basketball team, she would have run with her hands on her ugly head. Good thinking Mel” she was dating the captain of the basketball team? I really was obvious to what was happening around me. Why would I even give a crap about Mel dating? Okay I admit I will try telling her not to do such an impudent thing and avoid some teen pregnancies.

“Nell I totally think that she believed us when we said that she acted great” one point for me losers.

“No way in hell that act would be even be near good. It was ugly” why thank you so much for appreciating my acting style.

“Everybody was laughing at her I don’t even know why we are friends with her, she got no talent for whatsoever.” There and there I lost all my composer. You may think that I am that tough type but well I wasn’t really that tough. Without waiting even for a second I walked away. Do not worry thinking that you heard me wrong. You heard it alright. I was walking away.

Why was ii walking away? I could have went towards them, confronted to them, throw some insults towards them and then make a dramatic leaving.

Well for starters I want to think. I want to think hard. I want to pee. I am hungry and finally I want to go home.

I did a really good job keeping my face impassive of any emotion. I went to the caferia and ate a lot. Waited till the school ending bell rang and dashed towards the school bus. I quickly took a seat and waited till the ride ended. But well honeys today was bound to get worse so the students in the school bus were bound to look at me strangely and point at me weirdly.

After getting out of my bus stop I walked well fast walked towards my sweet home. I really love my home. It is very beautiful. It didn’t take a millisecond for me to freeze. You know the description to freeze like I said earlier.

Why did I freeze? You may ask

Oh nothing much. My nightmare is hear. I’m really peachy NOT.

Do not think that my friend are here. It is something much worse than my backstabbing friend. Think hard thing good. Now tell me what is the result of this equation. My mom’s mom’s husband’s second daughter. Did you get it? Yeah you should get it, it is one of my aunts.

I quickly silent walked towards the stairs and went up. Just when I was a step away from reaching my room my luck ran out. Pity I know.

“Rosaline my honey you have grown up so much.” I quickly turned towards her and and embraced her in a bear hug.

“Oh my gosh you are really here Aunt Melissa. I missed you so much. Why didn’t you visit us sooner? We were really expecting for you to visit.” I rushed all of that nonsense out while hugging her.

“I missed you hun. Now go change. Your parents are out of the house. We are alone.” Oh gosh this was bad, really bad. My parents know about my distaste towards the aunty naughty. Get over it that was not a nickname. It was an insult. Pushing my thoughts aside I quickly went in to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I love to shower. Maybe it is one of the favorite things I like to do and I tend to think a lot when I shower. That’s why I rushed when taking a shower to avoid thinking.

After I took the shower I went downstairs and talked with my aunt. Babbled about everything in the world and ate dinner. I went upstairs quickly after finishing helping with the dishes and went to my table. I randomly chose a book and started reading randomly. I just want to avoid thinking. But I had no luck. My aunty naughty asked me to go sleep so I went to the bed and pulled the sheets up till my neck.

After I was sure that everybody was fast asleep I started crying. No they were not loud sobs. Indeed they were silent sobs. Today’s events were too much to bear. First I got humiliated then I found out that my friends were not my real friends and finally my parents wasn’t even at the house to share my feelings.

Am I a freak? I mean I really must be a freak since that nobody likes me. Why won’t anybody anybody at all like me. I would be really grateful if I had even a one real best friend. What did I do wrong to everybody for them to treat me like a rag doll? Was I that unpleasant even to look at? Why would people be so cruel to others? They should take care about others. Why can’t they treat me even like friend? Well it must be because that I am different from others right. Heck everybody is different. Why me Why me Why did they chose me to become a loner. A humiliated person with no courage to speak up to herself.

The world is just cruel. It enjoys looking at me suffering under the pressures of everybody. I want to do my own things. I want to think different. I want to be a shining star. I definitely do not want to be popular. I want everybody to remember me admire me for what I am. Not what my appearance is.

I was humiliated too many times. I was backstabbed too many times. Well I can’t understand how to be social. I want to be loved. Not hated. I just want to have a friend. I do not think that I would ever have a good friend. Even if I have they will leave me. Who wants to be friends with an awkward girl? Who would even like to look at me?

World is a theater ain’t it. I always see other people happy. I wish them good luck from the bottom of my heart but it doesn’t seem like they are repaying my kindness. I want a real friend. Do they even exist?

I was really sad by even thinking about those type of things. But at the same time there was another part inside me witch wanted to be positive. Positive my ass. But believe it or not I always tend to think about things positively. It helps me very much to get away from situations.