Suicidal Love by Priscilla Cook (primary phonics TXT) 📕

July ninth,2007 at 5 o'clock in the morning. My mother gave birth to me. Unlike any other birth my mother was in labor for 3 hours. Nice and fast. Every time I ask her about it she says, "It was so quick because I just couldn't wait to get you out of me!" and then she gives me a sly smile, "You know what I mean right?" I don't reply because I actually don't know what she means. The morning of the birth my father wasn't even there. That is if he is my father. My sister Nicole says that he is only her father, and our mother was drunk when I was in the making. So basically I was a mistake.Whoever my father was though, it sure didn't make a difference because the man who is supposed to be my father doesn't even love me. My mother went home without me from the hospital. I was too little, too fragile, not enough meat on my bones as my mom said. I only have 5 people in my life that I actually care about, that also care about me. That is Nicole, Aaliah, Mrs.Maylee,Mr.Audley, and my mom. Life for me isn't a walk in the park like every body else's. Nobody asks what i think nor how I feel. Its like Im invisible and no one would notice me even if I wasn't. Every one at my school knows I'm rich. Although, they don't know it's not me who is rich, it is my mother and i am just her daughter that lives in a big house. I don't feel rich, and I don't try to act rich. I act how i feel which is gray. Whcih proves the saying money doesn't buy you happiness. I am a cold hearted person maybe, but with the life I live I am allowed to be. If you think my life is horrible you are only finding the perimeter look deeper and once you reach the core you'll see my life is more than horrible, that my life is a suicide scene ready for action. I am like those dark clouds that you hate to see in the sky on an important day. I am like that one fly that keeps on coming into the house to keep you angry. I am that concrete ground that scraped your knee. You could say I am everything painful, you could say I'm what pain was based on. Yet everyone knows pain wasnt built in one day. Day by day goes by to build all the anger,fury,and pain in my heart and soul.

I cant sleep to save my life. If that just so happened to be the cure I would've already been deep into my dreams. I walk towards the balcony with no shoes on. The cold pavement send shivers up my spine and bring out my goosebumps.The moon is staring at my, or maybe I'm staring at the moon. I am now hearing a door open and close. It's most likely Mr.Audley going to see his wife before the sun comes up . He goes to see his wife every morning before the sun comes up, like she's a vampire. He told me that the reason he tries to go before the sun comes up is because he doesnt want anyone to know. Mr.Audley is like a father to me. No oen likes Mr.Audley though, he's like the neighborhood creep.My feet ar now getting vaguely cold and i would like to go inside which I do. This is the same routine every night. Nicole and I fix dinner. Then we take our showers. I go to see Mr.Audley to say good night.I try to go to sleep every night but I just can't. Like my brain was boosted on caffeine before I go to sleep. My silk night gown slips off my body and I am now in my room naked. I fit my hips into my skinny jeans and put on one of my penny tee shirts. It says Deal or Die. If I had to answer that question i would choose to die, but depending on the deal.My slippers broke so now I am going to put on my
Jordan high tops. Walking out into the cold wind was a slap in the face.I would go back inside to get a coat but the feeling of being alone, in the dark, shivering reminds me of something that would happen in a vampire movie. I hug my arms to give myself some type of warmth but to no avail it doesn't work. I am sure to be careful climbing down the side of the balcony since it is like icicles in my hands. A hard fall to the ground was what I needed to get my body ready for the run. Every night when i cant sleep I just run around my neighborhood.
"Shit!" I mumble to myself. I usually bring my phone to track how far I go when I run. Climbing back up is harder than climbing down

Images: Google Ads
Editing: Priscilla Cook
Publication Date: 07-15-2012

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
I dedicate this to one of my dear friends Arianna T.