Hidden by Alexis Wadden (the reader ebook TXT) 📕

"Okay, God?" I say, skeptical. "Hi, I'm Lilly. Although you probably know that. I am praying because, well, I'm hurt. I'm scared. Confused. God, if you're there, tell me what to do. I am terrfied of the monster I've become. I'm not very good at this whole life thing, and I need you now. I want to know you, and I want to follow your lead. I've not paid attention to the, pastor? When mom takes me to church, and I don't know much about you, but I give myself to you. In Jesus name, Amen."

I fall back into a gentle slumber. I dream a dream of pure innocence, everything is white as snow, and there is no hate, no pain, no hurt. It was, heaven.

"Lilly?" It's Derrick, shaking me gently to wake me. "Are you okay?" He puts his hand on my forehead, to my cheek, to my other cheek, and then to my forehead again. "Hmm, you're not warm. Do you feel alright?" He touches my stomache, which, coinincidentally, groaned from being so hungry. I haven't eaten since Friday. It's now Sunday.

"Yeah, I'm fine. But could we go to the Cafeteria? I'm famished." I say.

"Leave it to you, to be in the hospital and STILL use big words!" He kisses my cheek, and giggles. He helps me up, and puts his arms around my back,a nd walks me to the door. We walk down the the Cafeteria, and we find Justin hitting it off with a girl that looks, maybe, 19? Perfect age for him! Justin is 20, and he's the best big brother; ever.

"Oh, hey Lil." Justin says, standing up, hugging me. "This is Jessica. She used to work with me." I wave, and she pulls a seat out, and gestures to sit. "Here, take a seat." She says, smiling. She has an amazing smile.

"Thanks." I say, smiling back. Derrick helps me sit down, and he sits next to Justin on the oppistie side of the table than Jessica and I. "So, Jessica, how long have you and Justin known each other?"

"About, two years, I believe." She looks at Justin for conformation. "Sound about right?" Justin knods in agreement.

"Jessica also went to school with me at Stratford." He looked at Jessica, and smiled politely. Justin tried going to college, but his job got in the way of that.

"Yeah, before he decided to quit!" Jessica teases. "I'm just kidding." She holds the top of his hand.

Justin blushes. I look Derrick, and pretend to gag. Then Justin looks at me with his evil eye. I laugh hard and loud. Jessica laughs awkwardly, not knowing what I'm laughing at.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Jessica. I can't help but laugh at Justin." I wink at Justin, him still giving me the evil eye. I blow a kiss back at him sweetly.

"Yes, well, I think Lilly should get back to her room now. Mom would get mad if you're not there. We wouldn't want that, now would we?" Justin smirks at me. I glare back.

"Yes, I should get back. Derrick, wanna come with me?" I look at him, with begging eyes. "Yeah, sure. I'll come with you." Derrick intertwines his fingers with mine, and leads me back to the room.

Once we get back, it's like nothing has changed. I haven't noticed any healing in my head, my body, or my soul. What's going on? I lay back down on the bed, and Deriick lays beside me, still holding my hand. He squeezes me hand three times. I look at him, and he kisses my nose. I just lay back down. I close my eyes, and pray.

"God. Help. Please. I think he is trying to tell me something. But I don't know if I want to hear it. Please help....." My prayer and thought was interrupted by Derrick kissing me.

I push him off. "Derrick! What are you doing?" He looks at me, confused.

"I thought you wanted me to kiss you." He says.

"I do.. I mean, I did.. But Derrick, we need to stop this." A single tear runs down his cheek, and I break. I fall to the ground crying. He runs to me, but I push him away. He tries to comfort me again, but I push him away. He stops trying, and I hear paper rustling and a pen scribbling. I am still on my knees, crying.

"Here." He throws a piece of paper at me. I look up, but when I do, I hear the door slam shut. I cry even harder at that. When I finally can calm myself, I pick up the crumpled piece of paper, and open it. It read,

"Lilly,

I love you... I know you don't feel the same, and it hurts me.. Before I get hurt anymore, I'm just going to leave.. Have a nice life, Lillian. Thanks for all the good times.

-Derrick"

I get off my knees, and open the door. I run as fast as I could to stop him. I can't let him go. The truth is, I love him too. As I'm running, tears are streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably. I run, and run, and run. I look for him, but he's no where to be found. I look in every room, every hallway, everywhere. I scream his name. When I find Justin standing by the door and shaking his head, I fall to my knees again.

"No! No Derrick, please!" I yell. Justin runs over to me, and puts his arms around me. I fall into his lap, bawling. "He's gone. I messed it up. He's gone!"

Everyone in the hopital is now staring at me, and at this moment, I don't care. The love of my life is GONE. People are pointing and laughing, some are covering their mouths and looking at me with concern, and some are totally disgusted. Justin stands up, bringing me up with him.

"Let's go to the room." We walk down the hallway, me sobbing, and him rubbing my back telling me "It'll be okay." When we get to the room, Justin finds the note on the floor. He reads it, and he looks at me.

"Lillian." He looks almost disapointed. "What did you do?"

"I pushed him away. He was trying.." Breathing heavily, I wipe my tears. "He was trying to tell me he loved me. I puhed him away. Justin. He loves me!" I say, almost smiling. "But, I never got the chance to tell him how I felt. The truth is, I love him too."

Justin looks at me with a look I've never seen before. "Lilly, you love him?"

I knod. "Yes!" I scream, smiling. "Yes! I love Derrick Trace with all my heart!"

Justin walks over to me, and scoops me up in a big hug, and twirls me around. "Lilly! You are in love!" He smiles so big, it almost doesn't look like my brother.

"Yes! Now, what do I do? He's.." I start crying again. "He's gone!"

"Well.." He puts me down, and rubs is head trying to think. "You could always write him a love letter."

"Nah. That's too...... Sappy." I say.

"Announce it over the intercom at school!" Justin says, excited.

"Yeah, and get everyone to laugh at him. Perfect plan." I say, sarcastically.

 "Well.." He says, looking out the window. "That's really tough."

I'm dreaming; this can't be real. He's here.. He's holding my hand.. He's kissing my neck.. His hands move from mine to my skirt.. He slides his hands in my underwear...

"Lilly!" My mom wakes me up. I'm in my bed. "I'm going to be late for work, honey! Get up and make breakfast for your brother."

My cell phone rings. "Derrick" Oh my god... He's calling me! Act normal!

I breath deeply, flip open the phone, and say, "Hello?"

"Hey, Lilly. We need to talk. Want to go out for lunch?" His voice is shaky and nervous.

"Um, I don't think I have anything planned for today. I think we can do that." On the outside, I'm calm. On the inside, I'm jumping up and down and crying tears of joy.

"Oh, good. So, pick you up at, say, 12?" He sounds happier. I like this.

"Yeah, sounds great. I'll see you then." I hang up, and scream! "Oh god, yes! Thank you!!"

I stumble out of bed, still numb from my amazing, intoxicating dream... (And new reality!)  I get dressed; Black skirt, and lime green tank. I hope this will work on him... I mean, ugh! What am I saying? I'm a new girl! Stop, Lilly! But he's soo cute with his shaggy brown hair, always in his blue eyes, which by the way, are sooooo beautiful I could melt.

Finally ready, I go downstairs and cook Justin breakfast; eggs and bacon. He wakes up at the smell of cooked bacon.

"Mmmm.. Mornin sissy." He yawns, streaching.

"Late night?" I ask, handing him a cup of coffee and a plate full of food.

"Very. And thank you." He hugs my side. I knod in response. "Ohhh. Don't you look pretty! Where YOU goin?" He winks at me, then whistles.

"Knock it off, perv!" I wink. "Derrick wants to take me to lunch." I smile, giddish.

"Nuh uh!" Justin smiles his "Told ya so" smile. 

"Yeah, Sherlock... Now, I'm going to watch T.v until he gets here at 12.. Wanna watch with me?"

Justin knods, grabbing his plate. "Can you grab my coffe, sis?" I grab his cup, and lead him into the living room. I turn on the T.v and flip through channels.

"Keep it here!" He yells, with a mouth full of food; almost choking. "It's the Packers vs. the Steelers game!" Ugh. Football... Well, it IS Sunday, which means Football Day.

"Ugh. Fineeee..." I say, rolling my eyes. "It's 11:45 and I'm dying of annticipation. Can this day go any slower?

Finally, Derrick shows up, ad he comes to the door, and knocks. So proper..I giggle..

"Hello, young lady." Derrick says, bowing and kissing my hand. "C'mon, fair maden. Your chariot awaits." He points at his danky old car, and leads the way. I kurtzi, and we walk side by side, hand in hand.

He opens the door for me, and I sit. I open his door from the inside, and he kisses my cheek as thanks. I missed him... A lot.

"So Lilly." He says, taking my hand in his. "I didn't mean to scare you the other day." It, being a week from that dreaded Sunday, I tense up. "I just, I just needed to kiss.."

"I love you too" I stop him. I kiss him, wraping my arms around his shoulders, pulling him close. He is taken back at first, then he relaxees. He pulls me close also, and runs hi hands through my short light brown hair. He stopped kising me, and started kissing my neck. Is my dream coming true? All of the sudden, I realize, it is! He was holding my hand, then let go to run his hands up and down my body. I don't know why, but I'm drawn to sit on his lap. So, I do.

He moans as I get on his lap and kisses my neck harder, and slips his hands underneith my skirt. Oh god, why am I letting this happen? I don't know, but, "Ouch!" I scream, and he automatically lets go off me