Life is a bit of hell by Cache' Evans (the chimp paradox .TXT) 📕

She smiled from ear to ear you could tell that what she wanted to do. It’s like that’s all she wanted so once she got out of college she kept saying I’m going to own me a resturant. But that doesn’t mean because she loves cooking and that resturant that she loves you any less she loves you more than anything you’re her life.” “How do you know that? Has she told you? She says she loves me but the happiness she shows me is so less then what it is for her career she spends hours there. She doesn’t even spend hours with me.” Aunt Margaret rubbed my back and left out the room with nothing else said. I laid back on the bed and went to sleep that’s when I start back having those dreams. I was a little girl walking outside to find my mom she was sitting in a chair with dad laughing then I’m me like I am now but this time when I go outside to find her she’s dead. I wake up and I’m sweating. I get up its like so dark I go in the draw find my iPod. I sit on the side of the bed breathing hard. I grab my iPod and my jacket and put on some flip flops and go to the door. When I get to the door I grab the handle and run outside and lay on the grass. I start sobbing uncontrollably and I turn and lay on my stomach my nose is in the grass and I can smell it. I get up and put the earphones in my ear and start walking. A different path I path I never took before. My mind is so crowded I don’t know what I’m doing. I just walk and then I stop and sit down. I see Dylan running I get up but I’m so tired I can’t run. I stop and I want to scream his name but nothing comes out. He sees me, “Hey Jay, always coming out for these late night walks I see.” Nothings coming out it’s like I’m mute or something. I turn away from him and start walking away. He runs and stands in front of me and rubs my shoulder. “Hey, what’s wrong? I never saw you like this before. Do you want me to walk you home?” I shake my head no and keep walking he still walks behind me. Then I yell, “I told you no, know just leave me alone! Okay gosh I don’t need you I don’t need anybody.” I start crying, “Jay what’s wrong this is unlike you did something happen with you and your aunt?” I shake my head, “I had this terrible dream about my mom I had dream that I went to go find her outside in the back yard and she was dead. I haven’t even really talked to my mom since I’ve been here. It’s like I think she’s dead already and I don’t know what I’m so emotional about I would be way better off.” I start sucking in air and we sit and the grass. “Everything’s alright I’m here for you. Just breathe you’ll be fine. You’re mom loves you and I’m sure she’s not dead it was just a dream.” I shook my head, “Why does everybody keep telling me she loves me? How come everybody else believes that except me? Huh?” He doesn’t say nothing just rubs my back and grabs my wrist and pulls me up I stumble a little but he supports me. “Come on I’m not taking you back to Aunt Margaret house just yet. I’ll let you fall asleep on the rocking bench at our house in the back. When we get there he gets his cover from the side of the house and a pillow and I lay there while he just sits there with my feet on his lap and swings us. Until I fall asleep. When I wake up I’m back at Aunt Margaret’s in my bedroom. I sit up and when I look up Aunt Margaret is sitting in a chair at the corner of my room. “Finally girl you’re up, we need to talk. You know I don’t mind you taking night walks but don’t go having these walks when you’re on a verge to a break down. Now Dylan tell me exactly what went on he just said he seen you walking and you start crying uncontrollably and yelling. What is all that about?” “I’m sorry I know I should’ve of stayed in the house but I needed air and I started walking but I didn’t know where I was going I just kept walking and then I seen Dylan but I couldn’t talk the words wouldn’t just come out my throat felt tight and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Then when I finally could talk I start crying and yelling because he acted like he understood me and he didn’t.” “Ok ok honey just breathe it’s serious but not that serious. You we’re under stress and maybe I shouldn’t never laid that mama stuff on you so hard about the restaurant and her love for you but it’s true.” “How come I don’t see it then if everybody believes it but me?” She shook her head, “that’s what you need to find out. You need to find out why you can’t love her like you want too. Why you keep thinking she doesn’t love you. I’m going to let you go to sleep when you get up I’ll be downstairs or in my room.” I didn’t go back to sleep I took out my notepad and start writing. I only got a couple lines down when somebody start knocking on my door. I opened the door think it was Aunt Margaret trying not to disturb me. It was Ali, “umm hey Ali, when did you get here?” She came in and sat on the bed I sat beside her. “Oh, my mom told me what happened to you earlier so I wanted to spend a night with you and Aunt Margaret told me it was fine. So yea I’m sorry I didn’t ask you but I just thought you needed someone to talk to.” “Oh it’s fine actually it’s a nice surprise. Thanks for caring.” She just smiled, “well what have you been doing?” “I’ve just been sleep and when I woke up Aunt Margaret and I talked and then I start writing.” She starts jumping and bouncing up and down on the bed then she fell on me. “Let me read it. Please! I love you so very much. I’ll even love you more if you let me read it. Reading everything you write is like a special craving for sugar cookies with icing on it and sprinkles yummy.” I start laughing at her, “Girl you super crazy with a capital K.” She rolled her eyes at me, “Whatever or you going to let me read it.” Then she made that puppy dog face. “Umm no because I’m not finish with it and it’s a personal piece.” “Ugh screw all the personal crap everything you write is personal and I can read what you have so far.” I rolled my eyes at her. “Have you drew or took any pictures lately.” She shook her head no. “Of course not I’ve been spending all my time with your crazy tail.” We both start laughing, “I’m not the one that’s crazy.” She stopped and looked at me, “Well who is the one that’s crazy because it sure isn’t me.” “You want to read it you can read everything in about three weeks I promise.” She nodded and sat on my bed. “I’m not forgetting you said that either. Now really tell me what’s wrong with you.” I laid down on my pillow and snuggled close to it so I could smell the shampoo I wash my hair with. “I just feel all depressed because of everything I don’t know I really don’t want to talk about it.” “Well I understand but whenever you need someone to talk too I’m here for you. We all go through things and none of us are perfect.” I smiled at her, “Well thanks I will eventually take you on that offer one of these days but today is not one of them.” She lay back with me and wrapped her arms around me like she was my mom and I hugged her back.
When I wake up its late and Ali is still sleep, I get up and take some clothes to the bathroom to get in the shower. I strip off all the clothes and lay on the cold tile floor before I start running the water. I get in but instead of standing up in the shower I sit in the tub and let the water run down on me. I sit there seems like forever until I hear someone knocking on the bathroom door. “Hey jay, are you okay in there?” I hurry up and turn off the water and get out and wrap a towel around me. I yell out, “Yea I’m fine I’ll be out in a minute.” I grab my clothes and dried off and put on the clothes sloppily. When I go to the room Ali is sitting on the edge of the bed looking really drowsy. “Ali are you okay?” She nods her head I don’t try and press any information out of her. I lay her back down with me and wrap my arms around her. “Everything okay I’m okay you’re okay we’re all okay as long as we have each other. I promise I’ll always be here for you.” We drift back to sleep. I see a lot of colors and I see mom standing in a corner crying. I run to her but every time I get close to her she gets farther from me. I yell out to her but she doesn’t look up at me. Then she gets up and walks toward me I hold my arms out but she walks right pass me. I wake up and look around the room. I’m confused for a second. I never had all these dreams about mama before. I look over to see where Ali is but she isn’t there I get up. I go into the hallway I hear laughing down the stairs. I go into the kitchen and Aunt Margaret and Ali are sitting at the table playing cards. I sit in an empty chair. “Well good morning sleepy head, I thought you were never going to wake up, Aunt Margaret says as she gets up from the table and sits toast in front of me.” I laugh at her, “Good morning everybody, what are ya’ll playing?” Ali takes one of my toasts and I try to hit her hand. She bites into the toast and then says, “Nothing really just messing around and talking. You know we we’re going to play gold fish but me and her start arguing on which way is the right way.” I gasped, “I’m surprise Aunt Margaret didn’t force you to play with her she has her on special version.” I looked over there at her. “We should all play it, it’s going to take you a couple times to get the hang of it but you’ll like it.” Ali looked at us and narrowed her eyes. “I’m up for the challenge.” Aunt Margaret nudged her and I start dealing the cards. Once we start playing our hands we heard a knock at the door since it was Ali’s turn I figured I wasn’t going to miss nothing exciting. So I got up and went to the door. I looked through the peep hole and it was Dylan. I opened the door, “Hey Dylan, what you doing over here.” “Gosh girl you don’t want anybody to come and