If Only I Knew by Brittany Richards (learn to read books .TXT) 📕

Have you ever experience heartbreak? The feeling of having your heart ripped from your chest and replaced by emptiness. Left alone to fend for yourself, not knowing what to do anymore. What are you to do? Does anybody know? All you know to do is sit there in your own self-pity and wonder what to do next. And thats when you start blaming yourself. It was my fault, wasn't it? Left alone and no where to go. The next thing you know is you feel like you are falling down a deep, dark, endless, black hole. There is no bottom to it though so you keep falling. You really wish you would hit the bottom, but you know that you never will. Wishing at least someone will save you from all of this, but no one does. What to so next? Does anyone know?

Have you ever been so hurt, felt so much pain, sorrow, anger, that you were almost crying? About to break down and just start crying. Yeah I've been there. It sucks doesn't it?

I've decided to use this book as my journal and so here I go. Time to start ranting.

So I have been having some trouble with friends. Just today I've been called a slut, been talked about behind my back, had my secrets told to everyone. This all came from someone who I thought I could trust, someone who I did everything with, someone I used to call my best friend. I've learned in life that you can not really trust anyone anymore. If you don't say anything you won't get stabbed in the back by the people you were closest to. 

I am so tired of people doing this. And another thing I'm tired of is people telling me how to run my life and telling me what to do. No. You're not the boss of me. I will do what I want so suck it up if you don't like it. That isn't my problem. I don't care.

But calling me a slut won't help anything And it is definately not helping our friendship. If this keeps up I don't think I want to be friends with them anymore. Actually that is starting now. I'm tired of their shit. They talk behind all their friend's backs and we aren't stupid. We know you are doing it. I find it funny how people are so stupid to think that we don't talk to each other, that we all don't know what is going on. 

I'm not going to say any names, I'm not like that, but I think if someone is going to be like that I don't think we should be friends. Who agrees with me?

Like seriously ugh. 

Anyways I'm done ranting. Until next time. 

It isn't the good laughing anymore it is kind of like the hysterically this-is-completely-stupid-anymore kind of laughing. 

I find it great when people come to me and complain all the time and then when I say something i am bitched at for it. I makes me giggle how stupid people are anymore. People need to grow up and get a life. When someone calls you a poser when everything, their looks, their taste in music, their likes, everything, came from you, it's stupid. Yet people continue to do it to me. 

 I'm tired of the stupid shit people continue to do and I don't really want to be a part of it.

Another thing. I like when my friends stand up for me. I do the same thing for them. And then when they stand up for me I get yelled at. Seriusly? 1. It's their choice if they want to stand up for me, I can fight my own battles thank you. And 2. I think it is a great thing that they do that and now I feel the need to repay them but thats a different subject.

Lastly if you are going to start something and do it on the computer, don't yell at me and tell me to confront you face to face if you are going to do it too. And don't say shit about me cause in the end you make yourself look bad so yeah don't do it.

But seriously people? Grow up! Be more mature! And stop starting shit!

Love, 

     Brittany

(Sorry I had the need to put that there)

Until next time

 My whole life I have been trying to make everyone happy but in the process I wasnt helping myself and as many times I told myself that I was going to stop and focus on myself I never really did. But now I've thought about it more and decided that it would be best if I DID do that and I am going to do that. I'm done having people tell me what to do and how to run my life. the only reason I let them do that to me was because it made them happy, it gave them satisfaction, and I just want to make myself happy for once. It's going to be hard but I have to do it. 

 What I need to do in my life is take a step back and watch what happens, instead of pushing my life forward too quickly, because thats what I was doing and it wasnt helping me any. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and now I have to deal with the consequences, but I can't change the past I can only change the future. But for now I don't really want to, I just want to sit back and just watch what happens. Kind of like going through the sidelines.

I don't know where I'm going or what will happen, all I know is what I want to do. I don't even know how I'm going to do it, but that is part of life, part of the adventure. It is part of life, we all go through it. I just think it's time to sit back and think about things for awhile and that is really all I can do at the moment. 

Publication Date: 03-23-2013

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
To all those who have a hard life.