Nothing Thoughts, Nothing Stories by Gab Follin (best e reader for academics TXT) 📕

to you

 

You were the sun. You were the middle of my life. You were, I said.

I adore you, I said I adore you.

I love you, I said I love you.

I like you, I said I like you.

I care, did you hear me? I said I care.

You ignore all these things I say, you claim to me you don’t care. But honestly, the only thing crossing my mind is the fact that you’re still here talking to me. I want to ask you why but I have a strong feeling you won’t answer me. I’m probably right knowing you.

You still mean the world to me, but I’m sure the feeling is not mutual. I still kind of feel like it could be, our timing was just wrong.

We were good, but something happened and I want to ask you about that too.

There are so many questions that are swimming around in the back of my mind, pushing their way forward to bother me again. And they make their way to the surface sometimes, they do. It bothers the hell out of me, but you know… I can’t really do anything about it because you won’t answer me.

You don’t talk to me, feeling wise. You don’t tell me anything, and that upsets me. I want to know more, I want to know how you’re feeling, I want to know what’s up in your life, I want to know you.

I do know you, about you anyway. But right now, it’s a little different.

You might’ve changed and I wouldn’t know. You don’t talk.

I miss you, so fucking much.

But I’m not going to say that either.

I really want to ask you.

What happened?

Why’d you stop kissing me?

Why’d you stop wanting to see me?

Did you cheat on me?

Have you ever gotten to the point where you miss me?

Did you even love me?

Questions like that bother me. Questions and words like that are the thing that’s keeping me back. It affects me emotionally obviously, and sometimes it affects me physically. It’s another thing on a pile.

But it’s a big thing.

To me it is anyway.

I’m not sure what it is to you, and I might not ever know.

I might not ever know, and right now that’s not really acceptable to me, but I’m sure five, ten, twenty years later it won’t mean shit to me.

Who knows though?

We don’t.

Which is why I wrote this.

To look back at how stupid I was over some boy I knew.

But right now I want you there with me five, ten, twenty years from now. That’s just how it is now though, who even knows?!

God, I miss you.

God, I love you.

God, I need you.

God I want you.

GOD!

You’re so special.

You’re the sun.

You’re the world.

You’re my sky.

You’re my moon.

You were mine.

You’re not mine.

Every time I have a thought of these, I tell myself that maybe at one point, you were like this about me too.

But I might never know, right now I don’t.

And that’s completely okay, until it’s not again.

But who even knows anymore?

No one does unless you talk.

But that’s obviously not working, haha.

It’s alright.

It’s cool.

I’ll be okay.

I just hope you’re okay.

I just hope you’re happy.

I just hope it all goes well.

I just hope you find someone.

I hope that someone might be me.

I hope that you’ll continue to live.

I just hope you stay you.

sweet

 

He remembers the taste of her lips. Quite sweet, he would always say to her, pulling away. Of course she’d blush at him, she’d never been called sweet before.

Sour was a familiar name for her.

But for him, he could get through the sour and bitterness just fine. He would often sit and wonder how in the world no one else could.

take

 she takes his hands and places them up on her cheeks

making him feel every ounce of warmth swarming through her face

 

you feel lovely, he says

 

she smiles of course

 

he rubs his thumb across her naked cheek and admires her perfection

 

you're nothing, he says to her

 

her smile continues because she knows that this is all a lie

he might say that to her face but actions can speak a different language

and they do for sure

and she's fluent in both

 

she understands that hate is being transmitted through these simple words that are coming out of his mouth 

but his actions are showing love

they show that miss is a feeling that's in his body

 

and that's ok with her

she's ok with him saying he hates her

she doesn't care

it's all because she knows it's not true

 

but that's just the simple fact altogether

lone

 you like being alone don't you?

 

you can tell me that can't you

 

but you know, i know that's false

 

breath

 

She breathes heavily, how can she not?

Her eyes are squeezed shut, handfuls of sheets engulf her upper body.

She just breathes, and he likes that. He doesn’t like the words, but just the sound of her taking in air through her lungs makes him go crazy.

He doesn’t like her verbal voice, but only the voice of her body..

And she doesn’t mind, she’s taking that. If that’s all he wants to give, she’ll take that with gratitude.

That’s what he likes, and she knows it.

He wants only a toy, which he can pick up when he wants to and throw away when he’s finished. And that’s what she is to him.

But, because it’s him, she’ll breathe for him. As much as he wants her to.

She doesn’t like being so called a toy, but.. She knows that’s all she’ll ever be to him anymore.

She opens her piercing eyes to see him working his magic upon her slim body.

He arises and stands upon her. She looks up and smiles, and that sparkle of gratitude fills her eyes.

He hates it.

She tries to speak but is interrupted with the working of this boy’s phalanges of one finger upon her mouth.

She takes in the tastes and scents of his sweet body.

She’s in love, but does he know that?

future

 

Her hands said she was a lady

Her fingers were painted maroon just like all the other girls

She wore rings on almost all of her fingers, to show off her bling

Her fingernails were nurtured, trimmed, kept clean

 

Her body said woman

Her hips were out, she had a hourglass shaped body

Plump breasts, out of this world ass…

As she was told anyway

 

Her face told us she was a lady

Her eyes, especially

Her long luscious eyelashes

And the twinkle that always sparkled

 

In her mind she actually thought boy

Man, is what she was

Is it true?

She doesn’t look like one

 

She doesn’t look like one

Or act like one

Think like one, she didn’t think

She never even thought about it

 

Until now

 

Is she a boy?

Is she a girl?

What is it

What is she

 

It’s something she can’t answer for herself

But neither can anyone else

She’s on her own for this one

Is it a decision to change? Or is it fate?

verbatim

 

Tell me what's on your mind verbatim

 

Line for line

Thought for thought

Tell me everything

 

Secrets

Lovers

Emptiness

 

Tell me what's on your mind verbatim

 

Family

Friends

Unexpectedness

 

Tell me what’s on your mind verbatim

 

Suicide

Alcoholism

Therapy

 

Tell me what’s on your mind verbatim

 

Instrumentals

School

Window screens

 

Tell me what’s on your mind verbatim

 

Sex

Money

Baked nights

 

Tell me what’s on your mind verbatim

 

Complete