Everyday Thoughts. by Gabby Follin (ebook offline reader txt) 📕

This is my first page in this thing. Heh, I'm not really sure what to write at the moment. All I know if that I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking. I'm not sure exactly. My mind is kind of empty right now, I just don't know what to think. I can't force myself. So I guess I'll talk about how I'm feeling today.

I'm feeling quite sick, lonely. I'm real tired, I woke up at noon today, which is two hours earlier than I usually wake. I don't know what to do with my life, since I have all this free time I keep thinking about what I should do and I just don't know. There's nothing really to do that could make me feel like I'm doing something good. But is it just me? 

I'm having quite a few problems with some friends and fuckboys. Hah, I got like three of them. Does that make me a whore? Or just a bad person? Oh well though right? Who cares anyway, certainly not me. 

To be honest if I were just some random stranger reading this, you'd expect the person to be happy when they thought of this idea and throughout the book they gradually go insane. Not with mine, not with this one. I'm starting out insane. Let's see if it gets better or if I'm actually on the verge of falling. 

Let's just sit back and see. 

End, day one. June 7, 2017. Wednesday, 4:58 p.m. 

 I woke up two hours ago and stayed in bed for another hour. I'm just now getting up. 

Everyone's real pissed at me, I don't want to share why but... I'm not too happy with myself. They wanted answers that they couldn't get. I really don't know. Past few.. weeks, not days, have been rough. I haven't been feeling like myself and I'm going insane. But, oh well right? The point was to make it so you won't do it again, but what it actually feels like is... to make you feel as bad about it as possible. Why yell when you can be calm? Why be calm when you can just not do anything at all? Because you feel, you feel for that person. You care, you love them. But... Why would you make someone you love feel bad about themself? 

I've been a little emotional lately, I think it's for a... quite childish reason. I haven't been working on my books because I'm a nub and when something's wrong I don't want to do anything. Is it just me or is it that way for everyone? I started talking to an ex of mine, Logan Cantrell. He seemed to not be okay, so I decided to check in and that was sure a mistake. I'm getting attached again, and... I know he's not into me, but I keep putting feelings for him that aren't even there. I miss him, but I don't. I'd like to believe I only miss the idea of him, but what do I know for sure these days? 

My birthday is coming up in 13 days, I'm pretty... Not excited but like something next to that. I'm going to go shopping with my older sister, we don't spend much time together anymore so it'd be nice. I miss her. She's one of my best friends, we text all the time but that's it. 

I feel an emotional little bitch talking about my silly problems. You're talking to your ex, and you might still be in love with him, oh boohoo get over yourself. But I mean, it's not all that childish considering the problems that are occurring with me and my head. I think it's just me, this literally happens to no one. There must be something wrong, but I don't believe so. I feel like it's just me being... me. What am I saying? 

 I don't know, I felt like I should write today. 

I'm not sure what to say or what to tell you. I don't feel real great today, there's that. I'm not feeling much of anything. Not emotional, not angry, not unhappy. I'm kind of hoping this is the end of my *episode* and that everything will be okay tomorrow. Surely, I'll feel happy again. 

I'm going to rant about something, it might be quite stupid but... I don't know if I've said this before but.. You remember how I've been talking to my ex Logan right? And that.. I keep putting feelings there that don't exist. Yes? I just have to keep reminding myself that he doesn't care. He doesn't make time for me anymore, he doesn't want to talk to me everyday, he doesn't want to... He doesn't care, ya know? But... I just realized that. I had to, sometime didn't I? He doesn't care for me but I care for him. So much actually, it's kinda funny at this point. He's not mine and I'm not his. Why do I keep hanging on to it? I really don't know. 

Now that I think about this book idea, I find it kind of funny. Why did I decide to do this? So you guys can see how childish my problems are. 

I find this idea to be irrelevant now, but I still feel like I should because... I don't know, I'll probably want to do it tomorrow. It's just how my head thinks. One day I'll care about someone's opinion like my life depends on it, then maybe a day later or a couple I'll sit there and think nothing of it, like it means absolutely nothing to me. I don't know if we're all like this but I sure am and I don't seem to like that about myself very much. It's hard for myself to understand, and for my... state, to handle. 

I just realized I've only been writing on the days I'm sad or don't know anymore. I haven't actually written one about me being happy yet? 

Well let me tell you, no need to worry. I've been pretty okay past few days. I've hung out with my very best friend and it was real nice to see her again. I think her sister might be a homophobe though, which is not so great. But oh well right? Anyway...

I don't know, haha. 

Day 4, end. 1:22 a.m. Friday June 17, 2017. 

 Today was kind of a sucky day, but it's ending quite better than I expected it to. My very best friend is going to St. Louis for two weeks so I won't be seeing her face around, but we hung out today for my birthday. It's next week, monday. It doesn't quite matter much, I know, but oh well. Another year older. 

It's ending well. I'm happy right now. I don't have much to complain about due to it.

I just hope you all have/had a lovely day too. 

 I woke up about an hour and my day has been pretty slow so far! But dinner is being made right now, as I am working on my book once again. I've got my shit together finally! Don't know what went so wrong for a while there, haha. But anyway, right now at this moment I'm writing in here being a basic bitch listening to Justin Bieber. A few minutes ago before I decided it was time for a little update, I was working on the new book I was working on. I'm almost done with it so hopefully I'll get around to publishing it soon. :) 

Okay, I changed it, I'm listening to Shawn Mendes now. 

My favorite song from him is Strings, I love it. 

I'm quite happy today, and tired. I stayed up pretty late last night texting multiple people at the same time because THEY ALL HAD TO TALK TO ME. But yeye, I mean it's coolio just I was half asleep texting three people at the same time haha. 

I'm not sure what else to say because my life hasn't