Everyday Thoughts. by Gabby Follin (ebook offline reader txt) 📕

 I don't really know what to say anymore, agh. If I'm being honest, I'm just a mix between sad and happy. Like there's nothing else, it just goes in between those two and it fucking sucks. 

I've been so tired lately and so very unmotivated, I don't really know what to do anymore.

Love Update: I have been slowly moving on. It is kind of obvious he was just leading me on, he only was using me to satisfy his pleasures for sexual desires whenever he wanted to do so. I have realized that but now my mind is actually taking action over it, so... Yeah. I'm just going to try to forget. 

Someone will be out there for me someday, I just need to follow my own advice as I give it to other people. It's hypocritical when me, myself or other people do that. 

I'm trying to change, I am not flattered with who I am at the moment. 

My friends are very worried, they think I hate them. I thought it was funny at first but.. It just made me realize how much I've just not been socializing. I'm just trying to give myself some space to think about my life. I'm not very good at relationships and feelings (haha you don't say) so there's some miscommincation there too. 

I don't know.

I just, want someone there.

To support me and love me.

You know someday I wanted at most 5 children. I really love kids, plus I love the idea off making something absolutely beautiful and mesmorizing with someone I completely adore. The thought just makes me smile. 

Which that has been keeping me going. I want more me's. I'm a pretty smart girl, I'm decent looking (I'd like to think) and I guess I'm kind of funny and stuff.

Not when I write though, I try to be serious and stuff, it's just my smile, but you know that's just an excuse so I don't have to try to be funny in my books, haha. 

But I mean another thought always crosses my mind. What if in the future my kid is sitting where I am, probably writing too, and is feeling the same way I am.

It hurts me to think about that, I don't ever want my kid to hurt or be sad or whatever. I mean it's going to happen, but for me right now, it's just constant and I really don't want that for my kid. 

Okay, I feel like I'm thinking way too deep into this but I mean this is basically a thought journal so I'm spilling the beans. 

It's just these thoughts, I get so many. I just overthink waaaay too much about it and it drives me crazy because then I have all these different scenarios and all these different outcomes, it fills up my head. 

And of course me being me, I think more about the bad than the good. But doesn't everyone? 

I envy people who can stay positive. I really don't understand how, lol. 

Like I really don't. 

I could try but I'd end up having a breakdown like three hours later because I can't do it anymore. Haha, I know! 

And I mean I can stay positive but they're in situations that don't mean much. Like, when it's a presentation and I stutter and fuck up a ton of words, I'll just tell myself I still did good because I'm a smart girl, and I always end up getting a good grade anyway so whatevs. 

I don't know, lol, that's just an example.

You know, right now I'm just hungry so I'm going to go eat this vanilla ice cream with swirls of caramel. Mmmm, i'm probably going to end up in the hospital haha. 

We'll see! 

Thanks for reading my rant and my dumb ass over analyzing thoughts. 

Hope you come back. 

xoxo

 Indescribable, that is what this is. 

Conversations, they are little to none. 

Beautiful and joyful, that smile of his. 

My heart, it's emotion strings now undone. 

Lust, that's all it probably was to us. 

Questions scatter in the back of my head.

In the end, there was nothing to discuss. 

There was nothing left but some words unsaid. 

It's over, we're trying to stay oblivious. 

But... That's not the case between you and me. 

The feelings, the words are still there, it's obvious. 

Lust or love, maybe it wasn't meant to be.

It's okay with me, but is it for you? 

Whenever you're around, it leaves me blue. 

 I am alive. I hope you enjoyed my sonnet in the previous chapter. I'm into those now. Shakespeare was a brilliant writer. 

But speaking of writing!

I would like to give a shoutout to a fan of mine that contacted me over snapchat! 

I didn't get your name, I should probably ask you, oops. 

But, I would like to say that II appreciate this dude greatly! People like him keep me motivated to keep writing. Not that I don't like writing, I so do, it's just the fact I'm not all that consistent when it comes to a schedule. 

But thank you! 

If you would like to contact me over my snapchat like him, it's kys_gabby.

Have at it! 

You can text me any time, I'll most likely get back to you pretty soon. 

But anyway, I will tell you what's been going on.

It's been pretty okay with me. I've been feeling fine. Found out I am allergic to dust yesterday, which is not neat at all. 

I have been sick, my allergies are through the roof. 

I've been pretty happy though. I'd like to say.

There were major family issues that had occured last night, but it's aye ok now. 

School is close to an end. There's two months left.

We had a week added due to snow days but it's okay.

Practice ACT tests are tomorrow, so I will be guessing on it and reading for most of the day. I packed two more books because I will finish the one I'm already reading, and just in case I finish another then I have that one handy. 

I don't understand the point of practice ACT? Like I understand maybe having one the year before the actual one because it'll give me an idea of what it is, but I have no idea what any of the material is because I haven't learned it, it's the point of "practice". I can't really try on it if I haven't learned it. But I do try on Math, and on English. English is reading a story and answering questions, and grammatical questions. Math, they give some throwback questions so I can answer those. On Science, last time they gave questions about Earthquakes and some on tornados, I had no idea what it was. I could answer a few because there were some like "What measuring tool is used to find this out about a tornado" I know some because my dad watches many many shows over weather. 

But I just don't see the point? 

We get about an hour and a half on each subject, so... I guess and it takes like 10-20 minutes and I read for the rest of the time. That's what mostly everyone does. Except for those gifted kids. I would be in gifted but History and Science aren't my strongest subjects. The other two, I'm pro at. 

But anywho, that's what's up for me. 

Thank you dude who added me on snapchat! 

I'm not sure which book of mine that you had read, but I appreciate it every little bit! :) 

Hmu if you ever wanna chat with me

kys_gabby

Have a great night everyone. :)

 Is it possible for a human being to be exactly like another human being you used to love? I feel it's possible because I'm witnessing it as we speak. 

I'm so very frustrated. 

So many chapters in a span of a week because little Miss Follin has love problems and is sad all the time. 

It's not just the love problems my dude, it's the way I function when it comes to the love is my problem. 

And boy oh boy do I suck. 

AGH ok. 

I seriously don't know what to say anymore?

You've heard it like seventeen times in these chapters together

I suck at relationships, we get it.

You can't make up your mind about your feelings so you blab about it all the time in this journal for everyone to read.

ok... That's kinda really sad for me to read that. 

ok whatever

 I hope you know that I am only writing here because I really need to get my thoughts out and I really just need a person to listen. And I'm certain you are. 

So... Thank you.