Everyday Thoughts. by Gabby Follin (ebook offline reader txt) 📕

 Testing, testing, testing. 

So many different tests.

EOC Thursday and Friday.

Finals, last three days of school. 

And life itself. 

So very frustrated, so very difficult. 

It's like everyday there's something else that's wrong. 

And it is like that for everyone, sadly. 

We all got struggles and it really does suck. 

Most of us look out for ourselves, we ignore everyone else. And I'm right. I don't want to hear something different because it really is true. 

I do it for sure. 

I can be very arrogant, most of the time I look at people and wonder why they can't be and think like me. 

Mostly because they have a common sense but choose to pretend it doesn't exist. 

When your sister is cutting herself, you tell your parents right? Can I ask, how do you forget about it? 

Is it wrong to not want an emotionally unstable girlfriend? 

I don't think it is. 

It's totally reasonable. I don't want people to be shamed for it. 

It's hard work being with someone like that, I know it is. 

Which is why I can never really keep a relationship. 

Paranoia, clinginess, the PTSD. It's hard to deal with. 

You don't want to talk to people who cut themselves because they refuse to help themselves? 

Hah, I've been down this road numerous times,  and I have been called an asshole numerous times for it. 

I don't understand why people think it's okay to cut your own flesh to "help" yourself. It clearly just does more damage, physically to yourself, and emotionally again, to yourself and everyone else around you. 

It's not right and it's not ok. 

Why would I continue to try and talk to these people when they tell me they don't think there's anything more in this world for them? 

If that's the case for them, why don't they kill themselves? 

Of course I never say that, but... it's a thought. 

If they really think there's nothing in this world for them, then why are they still here? 

You want people to sympathize for you because you have problems, but.. you use for personal gain instead of motivation to get yourself better? 

I could write a whole book on this. 

You want me to? I so will.

If you are offended right now, please leave. 

I could make myself more clear but this one chapter would be a whole book. 

You know what? I'm motivated now.

I want to be a psychologist. 

I want to learn how the mind works.

My mother asked me if it was because of what happened with my sister, and it's not.

I have always been fascinated with this subject. 

This will be another subject in my book! 

It might be the first chapter to explain it all. 

Okay.

I will stop talking. 

I will begin writing in this other book I am now motivated to write in.

I think I might actually finish it too because it's something that I can write my opinions and thoughts in. People who read it, and continue to, will agree with me on it. 

Some of you might not, but... 

Oh well.

I hope you have a lovely day.

I am going to write now. 

xoxo

Take me, that's what you say to a man that's on top you, feeling every inch of your body. 

He'll end up leaving you.

Love me, you say to a man who's hugging you tightly, placing his gentle kisses upon your forehead. 

He'll end up hating you. 

Want me, you say to a man who's staring at you seductively from across the room.

He'll end up throwing you away. 

It's all fun and games until it's not. 

He said it wasn't good, not great at all. But she told him that it was so very doubtful. She asked him to share his precious note written with his honesty and passion. He politely asked her if she swears she will not show amusement once read, and she promised so. She had feelings of what was going to come, but she held her ground as she read these loyal words to herself. 

He felt her first touch in May when the red leaves fell like crimson snow on the air.
She smelled like vanilla and strawberries, and it was intoxicating.
That sort of perfection you couldn't think was real.
When his whole world was falling apart, she took his hands gently, and told him that everything would be okay.
Days turned to nights, that bond was an electric current, and the voltage only increased.
Like a circuit, love can't be stopped for long before it meets uproarious dismay.
The thing he remembered most and could never forget is that first moment she told him "I love you" back.
Like a freight train it hit him, how perfect she was.
And he never did get how people could think perfection exists, on a planet like this.
At first, love was gentle and kind.
It was like a seed sprouting it's first roots.
And like a tree, love grew stronger as time passed.
He loved her, and she loved him, and that's all that mattered.

As the last word was finished, she took a deep breath. She faced him and smiled. It was a special day indeed, she had said, I remember it too. He couldn't help but smile at her, he thought back to the day she said it and remembered her perfection. It still exists, yet its morphed. Its different but it is still the same feeling as it was for the very first occurrence. The love is still strong, it is a tree, big and strong. It takes hits, a few broken branches but it still stands proud in the sky. Those branches grow back, those leaves will be born again. The love that is within this tree will not be broken until it is wilted to nothing. It will last, love. 

 its 5am, i dont know where to go

haven't heard from you in so long

one day you're here and the next you're gone

do you even care about me at all

 not dead

no worries

just busy

i guess you could say

be back soon hopefully

 Tippytoe to the window screen
I can hear you breathe

 I miss you 

i want you here in bed with me

its cold and lonely without you

i need you

is that too much to ask?

 Hey, I'm not dead.

But mentally barely alive. 

School is draining me, busy, tired, so I'm sorry for not updating frequently. 

But I mean, it's better than updating every single day, right? 

You'd rather have this than a drama chapter every two seconds. 

I would. 

Nothing is new, nothing is old. 

Everything is the same here. 

That's probably why I haven't thought