Everyday Thoughts. by Gabby Follin (ebook offline reader txt) 📕

But I still apologize. 

Still longing for one I can never have. 

Still longing for adult hood.

Still longing for a list of things that I'm sure you don't have much time to worry about. 

You have your own list, and I respect that. 

With a passion. 

I just wish something would change. 

Some tragedy coming about. 

Or.. something good. That would be preferred. 

Either way.

Something. 

I'm so tired of dreading these two places. 

Home and school. 

I wake up in the morning wishing I can close my eyes again and never open them. 

I go to school wishing I could stay in this seat in this dull room forever. 

It's just the same boring schedule.

Nothing new nothing old. 

Nothing new is with me.

Literally nothing.

So please move on now.

I appreciate you giving your attention up for a couple minutes to read this so very meaningless chapter. 

Maybe you found meaning in it somewhere.

Maybe it motivated you

But it's doing the opposite for me

Words are all I got

And that's really okay

But then again

Nothing is new, nothing is old. 

Same words

Same symphonies

Same books

Have a great day

Please be safe

Be good

Be grateful

Goodnight

 I cannot sleep and that might be because I'm completely energized right now.

The only problem is I really don't have anything to do. 

Ahhh! 

No idea. 

I don't really have much to update on besides the fact I'm writing a new book.

Still debating on whether or not I should continue others... but... 

This one is in progress and  I hope to the lords you will love it! 

I'm pouring out chapters pretty quick too. Strangely I have the motivation to write. 

Anywho... 

Have a great night. 

xoxo

 We got school tomorrow and face full of boringness.

I guess that's no change from the week before, or the one before that. Either way, still don't enjoy it. 

That doesn't change either. 

I'm hoping that maybe this week will be better from the last. 

Maybe I can finally chill without worrying so much or despising the fact I have to wake up the next day. 

Last week was just terrible, lots of things went on but as I talk about them they sound small. 

But a bunch of small things but together make one big thing. 

 It's about time. I can finally escape from all this toxicity.

Are you convinced I'm going to stay?

The answer is no, by the way. 

I'm not going to stay after all this mistreatment. 

Not after all this bullshit. 

Toleration is a strong suite, obviously.

But there comes a point where the toleration must stop because it starts eating away at your brain.

Makes you weaker, not only mentally but starts to physically too.

And you can now assume, yes, I've gotten to that point.

All this toleration has turned into one big mush of problem. 

Toleration ignores it, pushes it aside... You can't do that. 

It all comes back up and it bothers you, and maybe this time you cannot tolerate it. 

So just don't. 

I'm not going to anymore.

I need to do what's best for me. 

Are you going to get mad at me for doing this?

The one time I do not think about your feelings or your being?

The answer might be a yes. 

You'll probably lie at first and tell me it's all goodie. But then later you'll be sobbing at my legs telling me not to leave.

How could I not leave?

Can you think about that for a moment and possibly realize that you are obviously not the most important person in my life. 

The most important person is me. 

Yeah, I'll think about you sometimes in events, but this is definitely not one of them.

Where do you get involved when it comes to my mental state?

You don't. 

So please and thank you for the ride, but I must leave now. 

I have to move on to a better place, a better ride.

Maybe someone that'll stop and get me a drink. 

I don't know maybe something more than what you ever provided me?

Yeah, you must say, you did provide a ride at all.

But honestly, I would've rather walked my ass all that way instead of the terrible ride with you.

Imagine being in a car with someone, constantly, them just randomly slap you. Start poking at your deepest darkest secrets and insecurities. 

There's more to come, but this would become more of a novel itself than just a chapter. 

So I'll stop there, but I'm certain you get the jiff. 

Anyway, like I said.

Time to go now. 

I'll walk for now.

I appreciate what you did give me, but I do not appreciate you. 

So this is goodbye.

My goodbye letter.

Goodbye. 

 A night of regret. the 15th. 

Damn, back to square one I tell you.

It's terrible and I'm not sure what to do anymore.

Mental state is slowly crumbling into basically a pile of nothingness.

But whatever right?

Let's just keep living out my days. 

 It's going to be impossible to sleep tonight. Not because I have anything going on tomorrow but because I cannot fall asleep for the life of me anymore.

I'm not sure if i'm actually going insane or if it's the drugs.

Maybe just the drugs I hope.

Maybe the drugs just make me insane. 

Huh... 

well...

i have nothing else to really say. 

I guess I'll tell you what's going on with me.

Potential boyfriend is coming to hang out Saturday. 

I have a doctors appointment next wednesday for meds. 

uh...

yeah.

that's it. 

 It's been a while, eh?

Didn't even realize it's been so long. 

I've been in so much trouble in the past month, not even a joke I tell you! 

I'd prefer not to talk about it however.

I'm just feeling a bit out of luck. 

Things seemed to have turned completely upside down and I'm not even getting a tad bit back up to a smile. 

I want to fall in love, is that a lot to ask for?

Supposedly it is, which... If I think about it, it kind of is. 

Even if it's fake honestly. 

Heartache is something I'd prefer over feeling absolutely nothing. 

Pain is there for a reason right?

I'm not feeling any of it.

I don't feel much regret for anything I've done. 

I don't really care much for other's feelings lately. 

I'm not too gentle with the things I say.

I'm taking the honesty thing waaaay too literal anymore.

I haven't been able to write much.

If I'm able to, it's more like a sentence or two or something meaningful and the rest is basically banana peels.

Trash, I'm meaning.

I'm trying though. 

Isn't that the important thing?

 I'm really tired. 

There isn't much to update on but I felt like I should write something. 

I'm making very slow progress on a few of my books but.. I'm not sure what to do anymore. 

I'm not really motivated to do much, maybe it's just the seasonal depression. 

I don't like the cold weather, I always liked it when it was warmer. Can't wait for spring, at least I know that with everyday that rolls by with this cold and sucky weather we're one day closer to haver a nicer