Everyday Thoughts. by Gabby Follin (ebook offline reader txt) 📕

I must say, I very much dislike the hot weather of Summer but I'd rather much prefer the cooler nights where I can go outside in shorts and be able to stay out as long as I want to. 

I miss it, the freedom. 

But I trapped myself, acting out in my rebellious ways and being so very careless in the process. 

I'm a prisoner now and I can only blame myself. 

At least I'm not actually a prisoner though, haha. 

Maybe I'll try to do more editing, I always enjoyed it and it did kill time while I did so. 

I'll do some research and see if I can perform this kind of hobby, in the mean time I'll stop writing for now.

 My New Years was great. I video chatted my best friend and screamed for about two hours until midnight hit. When it did, we screamed happy new year, and basically passed out. We didn't get much sleep the night before so I'd say it's reasonable. 

We never really get much sleep anymore. 

But anyway, it's a new year. 

Only downside is, everything else is the same. 

I'm updating books, specifically to:you and Don't Be a Dick. 

People have asked about those, and this one too! 

So those three will be priority. 

But anyway, that's all that's really up. 

I kind of have a boyfriend now, so there's that. 

I won't speak on it much here, if I have anything to say it'll probably be in my book to:you. 

If you're interesting in my stupid love decisions, head over there! 

Anywho, have a great night everyone. 

xoxo

 I am very sad. 

I'm not sure why but today hasn't been that great of a day. 

I woke up with quite the hangover. 

I got drunk off my ass last night, no regrets at all of course but... ow. 

My heart aches and I'm not sure what to think about it. 

Or do about it. 

I feel like I'm losing people.

More likely myself. 

There is a man who I am very fond of. 

Very determined, strong man. 

But he has a soft side, a sweet side and he has shown me both. 

I am very grateful he is in my life but let's say I am consistently worried he might end up leaving me. 

Because of my past and how my past shaped me to be who I am today. 

He says the past is the past and we can't change it. He says it all the time. 

But I know MY past bothers him. 

The way I carelessly made love to strange men, the alcohol problem, the drugs. 

It was a problem, but now it isn't. 

But it was. 

He's never made love to anyone, and he says he wants me to be his one and only. 

Does he mean it?

Reassuring questions are constantly a problem, why do I need all that self assurance?

Because of my past...

This man, I believe loves me. 

Can I love him in a way I have never loved anyone before?

Was it even love at all, those past men?

I want to deal with it, I do. 

But I can't without him. 

And I can't without him listening. 

I love him. 

Hope he can love me too.

 I am sorta stuck between who to love. 

There's an italian boy who has driven back towards me, and then there's an army man for me! 

I'm not sure who to choose... 

On one hand, one is very sweet and tells me he loves me constantly, and on the other he doesn't say much, only when he needs to. 

One is sensitive and he likes to talk about it, while the other doesn't really talk unless he's really feeling it. 

They're kind of opposite of each other and it kinda hurts lmao.

 obvious

This continues and there’s no reason for it.

Have you not let go? Proof is there, you haven’t.

It’s been made very clear that you are not important, not anymore.

One point, you were my best friend, but it changed when you became less than that.

It wasn’t the feelings that were changing, it was you.

The word useless was just used out of anger, hopefully that is known.

Yet any other word that would be used to describe you isn’t much better than useless.

Did it hurt you? Proof is there, it did.

That wasn’t the intention but at the same time, how else can anything get through your mind without a little aggression?

It can’t, that’s the point.

Hypocrite was also used, you say answers should be obvious, is it not here?

That answer is an obvious no considering you asked many times, how?

Answers could be given willingly if you were ever willing to listen.

Caring, something that you could never qualify for.

Certainly, it didn’t go both ways, but the question is when did you know it stopped?

Obvious answer, it’s been a while.

The subject of care, was it asked of you? Nah.

Was it asked that you still do? Nah, but obviously you do since this is still ongoing.

Nothing is expected, the specific names used, they were used for a reason.

Cherishing memories, something performed often too.

Faded, they did because of the person you became for me.

They will stay in the back of the mind considering you are nothing BUT a memory.

Go ahead, leave, the door has been wide open for many months now.

Dearly, you were cared for at a point, but also at a point things stop, that obviously did.

Guess you’ll never know? Guess you do know now.

Someone has replaced you, more so has been here before you arrived.

Clearly, you were jealous of that fact on occasion, it was certainly funny.

Secrets weren’t shared based off of you not being trustworthy or caring of them.

Simple as that, it was never proven that you could be, so sorry, love, but you’re not it, you never were.

Does this satisfy you?

Does this work as your obvious answers?

Hopefully it suffixes and doesn’t go any longer, obviously it’s gone long enough.

“I’m sorry love.”

“But I can’t continue with you.”

“Sincerely, your ex-best friend.”

 I am so very sick it's sad at this point. I was the first one to get sick, then literally everyone else in the house started to get sick as I started to feel better. 

I felt great for like two days but now I'm so very sick again. 

I've been extremely weak, my stamina literally is ass. 

But I'm pushing out writing for you. 

I have added two chapters in "Don't be a Dick." 

And I've been working on a secret book, which I will give details about once I finish and release it, so hold your horses! 

I'm trying, hope you bear with me. 

Anyway that's pretty much it, just felt like saying what's up. 

xoxo

If you had ever let go, why do you still write about me?

Why does scraps and implements of my being still used in your complicated and wrong symphonies?

Obvious answer, you’re holding on and doing the absolute opposite of letting