To: myself by Hannah Pate (new reading TXT) 📕

Dear 20-year-old Hannah,

If you are reading this, you are probably much older than this 16-year-old that is writing to you.  It’s you from the past, 16 years old, sophomore year in high school. I just wanted to tell you a few things, ask you a few questions that hopefully have answers by the time you read this again.

First, the things I wanted to tell you, you made it this far in life, you’ll make it from this point on.  You may not believe it as a 16-year-old, but as you grow, it will get better. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but it will.  You will outgrow the constant anxiety, at least, I hope you do. If you don’t, I hope you are talking to someone about it, the constant dreams you keep having, don’t keep anything inside, please.  You are so strong. Hopefully, you in the future have found someone that makes you feel so special. One that will love you through everything. Maybe that person is the Senior you once had a crush on in 10th grade that you are best friends with.  Maybe Gabby will still be here in your life, I know right now things are strained between you and her but hopefully, everything will turn out alright and you have each other to see and rant to.

I hope by the next time you read this, you haven’t gotten married young as your older sister did.  Maybe you’ll be in college by the time of reading this. Working your way through college to get to the career that you will one day come to love.  I really hope you go to college. Everyone around you now tells you, you are going no matter what happens. You right now, this 16-year-old is worrying about her future life even though she shouldn’t be.  She has so much to look forward to then sitting in her room at home and read until the words blur in front of her, until she loses count of how many books she has gone through, how much time has passed as she was glued to a different world outside of reality to escape the real reality.  

Hopefully you still believe words have power behind them, hopefully, you are still in love with them as you are now.  I want to tell you that you will be okay. Things will work out for the better eventually. Hopefully you have moved out of your parents’ house, hopefully, you can drive a car and escape by the time you read this next.  You have so much to look forward to in life. Hopefully, you don’t spend your time in your room wrapped up in sadness and with a different world that you have come to love. Maybe you have fallen in love with many people by now only for them to rip your heart out each time.  Maybe you will have found the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with. The senior crush? Is he the one that you have?

Don’t go back to any of your exes.  You are so much better without them.  Hopefully, they will have forgotten about you by this point, if not, just ignore them.  They don’t mean what they say. You may not know as of right now, but maybe you will when you read this again.  Self-love doesn’t always come first, but maybe you will have someone that can love you the way you need to love yourself.  

As of right now, I have no clue who you are, but I would really like to get to know you as time goes on.  Right now, you feel that everyone you love will deem you as crazy for talking about things that bother you because as of right now your dad says that you are the only sane one left in his family, and you feel that he will never see you the same as he does right now in life because of many things that have already happened in the past.  I hope you start doing more things around the house and stop complaining whenever someone asks you to do something. Just do them because they need to be done. I hope you find what you want to be and find the people that you will come to truly love within time. I just want you to remember that you are loved, wanted, needed. Never forget that,

With love,

Your past self (16)

 It's okay to be protective.  Today, the boy that you like very much was pushed by your friend, you wanted to slap him for doing that but you didn't want to get hurt if he didn't like that.  Be protective over people, it is okay.  

 Dear myself,

Today you told the boy that was so fond of you that you couldn't be in a relationship with him.  To you, your reasons were vaild. To your friends they were vaild too.  He only wanted sex, that's it.  He didn't care about you the way he needed to, so good job on letting him go.  Don't beat yourself up over this because it was your safety that played a huge factor in your choice.  You come first.  Remember that.

Love, 16 year old you.

 Dear myself, 

Why?  That is my question.  Why are you still holding onto someone who doesn't care?

Stop, they aren't worth it.  Trust me.

She doesn't care.  

You shouldn't either

 Hannah, you've lost yourself.  That's okay love.  Just please, find yourself again.  Let go. 

 You're being pathetic honey, crying for no reason.  Man up, no one likes a wimp.

Publication Date: 11-02-2018

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Dedication:
Me