The OOBS by CC Raz (most motivational books .TXT) 📕

like 3 times and in the notebook over an over again, but I couldn't find it. But then she told me that you have that with you, so I was able to relax a little bit.
   But it was a nice update. You're still "on vacation with your aunt", as Tara said. I guess she's sort of right, because it's a vacation from your mom and your aunt isn't treating you like a prisoner. But she said it like your mom sent you there as a vacation, instead of a "You made some poor choices and I'm sending you to Tracy's house so that you can have a clean cut from the bad association in AZ" trip. But... whatever. As long as you're having fun. :)  
    So you're still there right now. And Tara said that you'll be coming back to Wickenburg before the family moves to Colorado. That would be a good opportunity to come to my house and get the rest of your stuff. And see me.
    I told Bailey and Jacob that if you text me/call me and say you're gonna come get your stuff, I'll let them know so that they can come see you too. So... yeah. And my mom said that if you don't call (if your mom doesn't let you call or whatever), and I'm not home when you come by, she'll just say that she doesn't know where I put all your stuff, and you'll have to come back later when I'm home. Because I have to see you again.

Did I tell you that Shelsey gets an allowance? And she gets to spray paint her bedroom? Did I tell you that one of her chores that she gets paid for is feeding the dog? I looked at my mom and said, "Why doesn't he give you allowance for feeding his kids?" And child support doesn't count. Neither does alimony.    GROOVEY MOSES that man makes me mad. They're 3 people! How messy can they be? They can't be using too many dishes that she has to clean, or making any major messes that she has to clean up that would jusify a regular allowance.
    I'll see her for the first time in 3 weeks on Saturday. That's a long time to not see your little sister. But... you know what? It's kinda nice. Pretty peaceful around here without her. That's not very nice to say, but... it's true. We all have more space and we don't have her attitude to deal with. It's all good. I feel terrible saying this, but I don't miss her at all.

My dad is really bugging me. He keeps texting me. He asked me if I wanted the books that I have there back. Um... where would I put a whole other bookshelf?
    He just asked me if I'm looking for more work. Oh, you mean in Phx? Where I never go? Where it would cost me more in gas to get to work than I'd be making? I dunno. But hey. Maybe he has something that I could do. Not him paying me, but maybe he knows of somewhere I could work. I could just go work every other week or something? Who knows. I'll ask him... It's just the weekends that my mom doesn't want me working (and the weekends is all I work at Chaparal). So... I dunno. I guess we'll see what he says. Because money is money. 
     Oh. And he still owes me $100. Don't let me forget about that.

I MIGHT be going to a concert. Might. I dunno yet. But it's Luke Bryan. And Florida Georgia Line. And Thompson Square. Groovey Moses that would be a GREAT concert. Plus, I've never been to a concert. And this would be so much fun. But we'll see.

This is a drop everything kinda thing
Swing on by I'll pour you a drink
The door's unlocked
I'll leave on the lights
Baby you can crash my party anytime

Love love love love love Luke Bryan. So awesome.

Father's Day is this weekend. Father's Day just pisses me off.

Yesterday, the most traumatizing thing EVER happened. I was leaving practice, and there was a bird on my hood. I was thinking that it would fly away once I walked closer. It didn't. Opened the door. It didn't move. I started the car, and it kinda flapped its wing once and then stopped. And then I saw that its foot was stuck under the hood. I don't even know how it happened. But it was there, and then blood started running down the side of the car. It was terrible. I popped the hood and it was able to fly away. The wings were fine, it was just the leg. It just... it was terrible. WAY worse than that time that the bird flew into my car. It was terrible.

Well, I gotta go now. Mostly because I don't know what else to say. I don't have to start getting ready for a while. I have almost 2 hours before I need to leave. So I don't know what I'll do. But... I have nothing else to say right now.

Love you, Gwen. :) I'll see you soon. :)

Still praying, still staying strong
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Free day

6/12

Tomorrow (Thursday), I get a free day. YAY. Maybe then I could actually go talk to Pam, like I've been meaning to do the last two days, but just haven't gotten around to it. I have had plenty of time to do it. I just haven't felt like doing it. 

But tomorrow... I get to just chill. Maybe finish organizing my room. Get all the stuff that's in Mom's room and put it in mine. But I gotta say... My room is pretty cool. You'll have to see it when you come by. 
    I think maybe I'll just pretend that you're staying in Wickenburg. The last few days, I've just been... Every time I think about you I just get sad and scared that I'll lose you, and that you'll lose yourself, no matter which path you choose to take. And so when I think about you and your situation, I can't think about anything else and for the next few hours I'm just depressed. So I'll just pretend that you'll be staying in Wickenburg and everything will be alright. I'll know in my heart that you aren't staying in Wickenburg (because I'm pretty positive you're not). Or maybe I'll be like Winston. Because, as everyone knows, "if you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. You must know all the while that it is there, but until it is needed you must never let it emerge into your conciousness in any shape that could be given a name. From now onwards he must not only think right; he must feel right, dream right. And all the while he must keep his hatred locked up inside him like a ball of matter which was part of himself and yet unconnected with the rest of him, a kind of cyst." (BT Dubs, that was all a direct quote- NOT my writing, it's all Eric Blair (more commonly known as George Orwell). And now that I've cited my sources in a very unprofessional way that would make Mrs. Quinn hurl, I'll get on with the rest of my email to you. :)

Anyway.. I don't know what the farm I was talking about, Gwen. Tomorrow. My free day. Yeah, it's going to be good. Nice and relaxing. I'll hopefully get stuff done. :) 

Well... I guess that's all I wanted to say. I was just really really really really excited about finally having a free day where I have nothing going on. I guess I don't really have absolutely nothing going on. Because, HELLO, I need to talk to Pam and I need to finish my room. But I don't have to go to cheer for several hours, and I don't have to really drive anywhere, or anything like that. I can just do what I want when I want it. I don't have a time schedule that I have to follow. 

So I'll go now. I love you, Gwen. :) I'll see you soon, okay? Okay. :)

Still praying, still staying strong. 
Love, 
CC Raz

OOB#Not quite as free

6/13

So today isn't as unscheduled as I thought t would be. At 3, Oscar has an appointment at the vet to get his shots. And then we're going straight from there to pick up Shelsey. But my morning is mine. I sorta got some stuff done. I organized a little bit of my stuff. But I don't know where Mom put all my stuff that was in the closet. Oh well.

OOB#Father's Day Weekend

6/14

Um... My dad chose not to have the kids on Father's Day weekend. He had other plans. It's farming FATHER'S DAY!! What the farm is wrong with this man? And he won't have them next week. Or the week after. Because he has other plans. ASSHOLE. You have kids. That means that you have your kids on the weekend (since, you know. You chose to leave your family). You decided that you were only gonna see them every other weekend,and YOU STILL DON'T DO IT!! What the farm is wrong with the man? What plans are more important than spending time with your kids on FATHER'S DAY?
     And he acts like it's a chore whenever he HAS to take the kids. "Well, this was supposed to be your weekend, Sherry. we traded that one weekend in February." Whatever. Thats okay, though. Because who's gonna have a relationship with the kids? Mom and I. Not Dad. When they get older, they'll stop wanting to spend time with him. They'll go through a short phase where