The OOBS by CC Raz (most motivational books .TXT) 📕

Well, I'm going to go now. I want to work on my book for a little while. Hopefully I'll be able to get a few pages out. :)

Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz

6/19

So... We have new letters from you. And the notebook. I havent read them yet because I'm at Ken's house. But Jacob read them. He seems pretty happy about all of it. But he also seemed happy about the last letters and Bailey and I didn't seem to agree. So... I'll just wait until I read it, and then I'll decide if it's good news or not.but you still have stuff at my house. You'll need to come get it. Ya know. See me.

I'm confused about all of this. About everything. I don't know what to think. It'll probably all make more sense once I actually read all the messages. You know? Once I have all the information it'll all make more sense.

I just miss you. I'm still staying strong, but it's hard. I know it's probably hard for you too. Not probably. Definitely. I don't know.

It bugs me though that you didn't write anything to Bailey. It's not like you. And when Jacob gets several letters and I have the notebook and Bailey still has to share one letter with all of us? It's not really fair to her, since she still writes to you almost every day and thinks about you alll the time and stresses about everything and it's just not fair. You asked her to be strong for you, but then you don't write her anything? It's not fair, gwen. I know you're stressed out but if Delainey gets a letter, and Delainey didnt even know where you are or the situation and the last few weeks of school she pretty much ignored you, and she hasn't been writing to you almost every day, and spending every day stressing about you, then Bailey should get a letter. If you can write several letters to Jacob, you can write one to Bailey. If you can fill up a notebook for me, you can write a letter to Bailey.

Jacob thinks that you staying jw means that we'll lose you. He doesn't understand that that's who you are, and if that's taken away from you then we'll be losing you.

i dunno. That conversation with him pissed me off. He said that if he only has you then that's all he needs and it needs to be the same with you. And I told him that that's asking too much. That's asking you to give up your faith and your relationship with God and that's the last thing you need. You need your faith to keep you strong and he can't take that from you, whether he agrees with your beliefs or not. That's who you are and I dunno about anyone else but I am NOT going to let him do that to you. I will murder him before that happens.

you know what I just noticed? When someone asks you "How are you?" you just automatically say that you're good. Ken just got home from work and said "hi how are you?" and I said "Good, how are you?" and then it wasnt until he went into the kitchen and put his stuff down that I realized it was a lie. It's not that I wanted to lie. It's just habit. But I'm not good. I'm a mess.I have to go. My phone's gonna die and I have to charge it. So I'll talk to you later.
Love you, Gwen.

Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz

6/21

I didn't send anything yesterday. But I was busy. With the notebook. :D I am SOOO happy that I got it. :) 

So, yesterday, I guess you were at convention. You said on the 20th. So you'll be home soon. :)

I have to go to work today, and I really don't want to. But I also get to pick up my pay check (I could have gotten it yesterday, but it seemed kinda pointless to waste the gas to get to Chaparal and back if I'm going to be there today. You know? Plus, maybe I'll have some tips. I really hope I'm not working all by myself today. If Rachel's there, it would make my day AMAZING! I would be so farming happy. I haven't seen her all summer. But I'll probably end up working with Whyatt. Which is still WAY better than working by myself and only having Dave and Thomas for company. Except in the summer they only have one cook, so I would only get to have the company of one of them. I want to be working with someone. Preferably Rachel. :)

I don't know. I don't really have much else to say. I made your new email, tranferred everything, and deleted the old one. [email protected] no longer exists. :) Your mom might be kinda mad, and I hope you don't get in trouble. But at least you'll have an email that your mom doesn't have access to now, so she won't be snooping through your stuff. And I also sent an email to your dad, telling him that you have a new email. I hope you don't mind. But... I figured he's your dad and he should have a way to contact you.You know? Especially because I feel like your mom isn't going to let you talk to him. Why would she? She hates him. Even if he is your dad.

I miss you, Gwen. I'll keep writing to you, all summer. Because I don't know what else to do. I feel like I have to try to contact you or... I don't know.

In the notebook, you explained it like you were writing to a dead relative or something. That's exactly how I feel. That's how I explain it to Jake, too. Every day, Jake comes in and tells me that I need to stop thinking about this all the time, because it's no good. He doesn't like how I can't focus on anything else. He doesn't like how all I think about is you, because he can tell it puts me under a lot of stress. He can only tell because he's the only one who actually sees me in the morning and at night, when I'm not quite put-together. You know? Everyone else who sees me... It's when I'm okay and covering up the stress. But Jake and I are by ourselves at the house a lot, and he sees how... how it really affects me. And he doesn't like it.
     So I try to explain it in a way that he'll understand. That it's like a dead relative. That even though you know they won't be able to respond to you, you just need to talk to them. Because even if they don't reply, it makes you feel better just talking to them. :)

I have to go now. I have to get ready for work. But I'll fnish the notebook when I get home, and then I'll probably still send you something on here. :)

Still praying, still staying strong (I wrote this in the notebook, but I started bawling when I read that you wrote that. :) )
Love,
CC Raz (aka your fellow dead relative)

6/21

Living in a lonely world
She took the midnight train going
ANY-where
     Except in Hickenburg there is no train. Well, there is. But it's not a passenger train. And I'm not really lonely. I don't really have anything in common with Journey's version of a small town girl.

But I didn't come here to talk about Journey (but I will tell you that up until last year, Jake thought that that song was called "Small Town Girl."  Wow. That song is more famous than the Star Spangled Banner. How the farm do you not know what it's called? He's an idiot). Actually, those lyrics weren't supposed to be there at all. It just kinda happened, because I titled the OOB, and the rest just kinda happened. But it's okay becase that's a good song. If I was writing the lyrics to "The Wheels on the Bus" I'd ask you to shoot me in the head. But since I'm not, I'll get on with what I really meant to talk about in this wonderful message to my wonderful best friend.

I was at work today. And, do you remember Art and Carol Pulis? They helped us with the press releases in 8th gade? Well she came in to Chaparal today.
   And so did Miss Robin, with Katie (but I didn't get to talk to her. She was leaving right as I was coming out of the back, and I didn't want to run and stop her just so I could say hi, maybe ask how/what KC's doing, and then maybe answer a couple questions about you real quick. But I still saw her).
     And so did this one guy (I don't know his name) that comes in every once in a while, who orders a quart of ice cream, then will sit at a table an eat the whole thing right there. And when he brings his kids (who are like 7 and 9), they will each eat an entire quart too. And they're all skinny.
      And so did Andy (the Wranglers' biggest fan. He's special needs, and he goes to every home football and basketball game and gets the crowd going, which really helps us. Like, 80%