The OOBS by CC Raz (most motivational books .TXT) 📕

and get run over or anything. And then I'd notice that he just happened to be running towards you and I'd get to at least maybe say a couple words to you. Just... SOMETHING. But it just happened so fast and Lawson was confused about what I was trying to get him to do and it all just failed. If you had just stayed at the park for like... 2 more minutes. It could have worked. I could have talked to you. Heard your voice. Seen your voice. Maybe even touched you or hugged you. But it all just... happened. So farming fast.

It killed me, Gwen, that I couldn't go talk to you, that I couldn't go and hug you and just.... lfkgjklrt kldj  I don't know... I don't know. You were right there. Right. There.

I have to go now. I'm taking Lawson to the movies tonight, and I have to get him ready. I think I'll let him wear his batman costume because... why not? He's 6. Let him be a kid, right? I was going to take Jolie too, but she's sick so I'll leave her here with Jake.

I'll be back in a little while. Love you Gwen! See you soon!

And I'm back. It was funny. Lawson kept saying, "This is a fun movie." And then at the end, he goes, "They had a really big day." He's adorable. I ended up taking Jolie, because she felt better, and really wanted to go. And she was fine, and she liked the movie a lot. 
    The teacher in the scare can engineering class, or whatever that was, was Brantingham. All the way. The way he slouches, his inability to motivate the students or even keep them awake... Brantingham. It's ridiculous.

Shelsey neglects Taz. And for the weekend, Oscar was with her at Dad's house. And she neglected him. It pisses me off. I had to go pick them both up this morning, since Shelsey's leaving for Idaho soon and I have to take care of Taz. So I get there at about 11:30, and ask her where the puppies are. I follow her into her room. Still don't see them. So then he opens the closet door, and they're in the kennel. With the farming door shut. I put them outside, and then went to go get some stuff out of my old room (that I don't want at Dad's house anymore) and then I let them inside. And then when I was getting ready to leave (I was planning on staying for a few minutes, having some nice converation with my little sister), I bent down in the kennel to get their toys. And there was a huge pee spot on their towel. And Shelsey goes, "Sorry if it smells like pee. That's from last night." And I kinda looked at her and said, "Shelsey, it's11:30. What time did you wake up?" She told me 10. I asked her what time she went to bed. She said 10. "Okay. So that means that they had to sit on that pee-covered towel for at least 12 hours before you let them out." I didn't even mention the fact that that makes her room, and the whole house, smell lik pee. "Actually, Cassie, they sleep on the pillow." I wanted to slap her. So I told her that she can NOT leave them in the kennel like that for that long. And there's NO reason to, especially since she's there and just sitting on the computer. She was sitting on her floor with the lap top in her room, and the puppies were in the kennel with the closet door shut. They have a big house, and a big yard, and 2 other dogs to play with. It really shoudn't be that hard to let them out so that they can play. And change out the farming towel!! Or, do what I do. And wake up early enough to let them out in time so that they don't pee on the towel, and you don't have to change the towel out every day. Seems like a pretty good plan to me. 
      And so I got back to Ken's and told Mom all of this, and she said that Shelsey isn't getting Taz back because it's cruel to make Taz be in that environment. The whole point of the dog was to teach Shelsey some responsibility. But if she just ignores it,that's not teaching her anything, and Taz just suffers. She said, "I know it's more work and more responsibility to take care of 2 dogs instead of one, and it's not fair to you, but he can't go back there if that's what she thinks is okay. It's cruel to Taz." And  I agree with her. I'm not an animal rights activist or anything. I'm not going to go to a "Save the Whales!" rally. But... pets are supposed to be part of your family. At least, that's how it's always been in our family. And obviously the people in our family come first, but I've always been taught to love your pets like family. Because they become part of your family. And this... Taz isn't my dog. But he's a living, breathing being with a brain and a heart. He gets hungry,he gets bored, he gets tired and hyper and all that. And because he's a DOG, he needs to be taken care of. He always will need to be taken care of. It's not right that she treats him like she would a pet snake or lizard, who are SUPPOSED to stay locked up most of the time. But dogs are social. They need to be cared for and loved and played with.

Shelsey gets paid $20 a week to do her chores. Once a week she has to mop, scour both bathrooms, do laundry,dust, and sweep (she does this 2 times a week), and daily she has to take care of the dogs, take out the trash, and do the dishes. For that, she gets $20 a week. It's not like they're asking her to deep clean the house, and they give her $20 for doing that a couple times a year. She gets $20 a week for doing the most basic household chores in the world. That's a little over a thousand dollars a year. For doing. Nothing.
     And Dad owes me money. He owes Jake money. He owes Mom money. He owes Alejandro money. Not to mention the IRS and all the other debts that he owes to businesses and stuff. He owes a TON of money, and all he ever talks about is how he has no money. But he has enough money to pay Shelsey $20 allowance for farming cleaning up after herself? COME. ON. MAN he pisses me off.
     I said that in front of Ken the other day, and he was REALLY surprised. "Did Cassie just say the word pissed?" And it was genuine. It wasn't like... sarcastic surprise. It made me laugh.

I should probably wash Alejandro's truck tomorrow. Maybe I'll take Lawson with me. Because I don't wanna go alone. How lame would that be? I'd just feel super... bored, I guess. So I'll take Lawson with me. :) Sounds like a plan.

Next Tuesday, Bailey and I are going to go to meeting to maybe see you. Hopefully see you. Hopefully be able to talk to you. Maybe? I wrote about it in the notebook. I thought about going tonight, but Bailey brought up a bunch of points and reasons why we should wait a little bit, let you settle back into life with Mom before we show up and throw you back on the crazy emotional roller coaster. I'm glad I have Bailey to consult with, because... I'd be a mess without her. I mean, I am a mess. But she (with the guidance of Shy Asparagus, of course) always convinces me not to do stupid things that aren't supposed to be stupid, but would probably end badly and I just am to desperate to see how things could possible end badly.
    She's a really good friend. Always there (well.. kinda. Her phone isn't working right now, so she doesn't always recieve my messages until hours later. :( But we've been doing stuff through her email and that seems to work pretty well) for me, always got some good advice on how to not make the whole situation a whole lot worse than it is. :) I'm glad that I have her to lean on through this thing. Because without her, on top of not having you... I'd collapse.

I will see you again
Whoa oh oh
This is not where it ends
Whoa oh oh
I will carry
You with me
     I like that song. It's a good song. :)

You should be pleased to know that Bailey and I were both able to refrain from murdering Jacob with his own bicycle today. :) The kids running around, and the one sitting in my lap with a fever might have had something to do with it. If we chose to meet in a dark alley, the outcome might have been different.
     Not really. I knew I wouldn't maul him. We didn't go to talk about what he's done wrong. We went to talk about what you said in all the letters and all that. So... It was... It would have been rude and bitchy for me to even bring up the fact that he's a shitty boyfriend. And especially since Delainey was there and possible could have killed him... Yeah.

Delainey said that she thinks you should leave the church, and just be spiritually strong on your own, because your strength goes beyond the Kingdom Hall. And then Jacob agreed with her. While I agree that your strength doesn't come from JW, but from GOD himself, I recognize the importance of having a congregation or a parish to sort of... keep you on track, and to build that relationship with over your common beliefs. But... I didn't try explaining that to them because... it would have taken too long. And I'm not sure they would have understood. Because they don't have the organized religion experience like you and I. Their experience with organized religion isn't very good. But... having that congregation, those people who believe what you believe in and love you... That's not where you get your spriritual strength. But that's where a lot of the happiness and... completeness comes from. Being able to see all the people that God has helped in so many ways. It's... I can't think of the word. But... I dunno. I wasn't sure if they would understand. But I just said that I think you need your faith more than ever right now, but I definitely don't think that this congregation is doing you guys ANY good or helping you at all.

I'm exhausted. So I think I'll just put on some movie that I can fall asleep to and not think for a few hours. I love you, Gwen. I hope to hear from you soon. And see you soon. :) I love you, and I'll be waiting.

Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz

PS- The reason why this is titled "Tripy" is because after the thing at the park, Bailey wrote down that it was "tripy", meaning "trippy."  But I'm using tripy from now on. Also, needles and pins to say, instead of needless to say. Another great phrase brought to existence from the marvelous Bailey. :)  Love you, Gwen.