The OOBS by CC Raz (most motivational books .TXT) 📕

6/26

Shelsey is... really irritating. Since 9:30 last night, I've had to clean up 4 pee spots and 2 piles of dog poop. Every single time, it was Shelsey's dog. I know because each time, I'd come around the corner and see him just finishing up. So I finally got my dog to stop peeing and pooping in the house, and now I have to train Shelsey's dog too, because she didn't. Makes me angry. But I'll get over it. It shouldn't take too long.

I found something that I wrote, and I liked it. I wrote it last year, about my mom and Ken. And... yeah. It's dated 6/30/12. And by the sounds of it, it was that day that I decided that I wasn't going to talk to Ken anymore, because I didn't like how he treated my mom. I'll type it in here so that you can read it. Because... I like it. Not what it's about, because it pisses me off. But I like the way that I wrote it.

Today is when it begins. A battle for freedom. A battle against a tyrant who doesn't mean to be. A battle against the pain and tears that keep breaking down the door. Today is the day the battle starts.
     I live with my mom, two brother, two sisters, and my mom's boyfriend Ken. It's a full house, but it used to be filled with warm smiles, open doors, and kind words. Today, that house provides shelter to those who hardly smile, to closed doors and late night screaming matches. All responsibility for the hostile cloud that hangs over our heads falls on my mom and Ken.
     This battle is against my mom's relationship.
     Ken abuses my mother, not physically, of course. That would be too kind. That would leave marks for others to see. That would make it easy for my mom. Easy to leave.
     But he wouldn't dare be so merciful as to hurt her physically. He's smarter than that, more cruel than that. It starts with a couple cans of Bud Light, the blue tin sitting in the fridge, waiting for him to come home from work.
     After he's downed that, he dives into the Crown, and that's when he gets mean.
     He tears into my mom with words as sharp as knives, as hard and forceful as a cast iron skillet. Words that sting as much as a belt. He goes on for hours, and then simply collapses into bed, leaving my mom awake, crying into her pillow.

It's really short. But... I think I did a pretty good job with it. But maybe that's just me. I dunno. 

I'm gonna go now, but I'll write more later. I have to go do a bunch of things. Love you! See you soon. :)

Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz

6/26

You know that other one? Well, she's sick. Very sick. :( Poor girl. She's had a high fever off and on for the last 3 days. :( Poor girl.

I miss Bailey. Maybe God just wants me to be a loner, and he decided to take away my contact with my two best friends. :( It kinda sucks.

There must be more than this provincial life
Just watch, I'm going to make Belle my wife!
Look there she goes...
     And it goes on and on. :) I like that song.

Soon, but not yet.
     Trust me, pet
      MOTHER knows best
This song reminds me of someone I know... But I don't think you know her, so I won't talk bore you with the story of some girl who never did anything wrong, but her mom still tried to keep her locked up all the time.
       If you're Rapunzel, that would make Jacob Flynn Ryder. So am I Pascal or Max? I think Bailey should be Max because it took her longer to warm up to Jacob. So I get to be Pascal. Sounds good to me. :)

Well, now I'm talking to Bailey on gmail so everythings okay now. Well, not everything. Is there ever a time when everything is okay? klgjldsfkjg Mom and Ken's relationship has SO much drama. It drives me nuts.

Once again, she's getting tired of the arguing. Of always being yelled at and never being appreciated, and never being able to be herself. Tired of feeling obligated to stay with Ken, and not like she really wants to stay. The bad times are too often, last too long, and are too bad, and the good times aren't enough to make it worth it.
     I don't know if that means she'll be breaking up with him. Or staying with him. Or what. All I know is that she's not happy, once again, and that once again, there's NOTHING that I can do to help. That kills me.

I'm tired of the broadway versions of Disney songs come on on my Pandora. I like the Phil Collins version, not some dude singing it wrong. And now Sebastian doesn't even have his accent? Watchtower farms? STUPID.

I'm gonna go now. I have to do a few things in my room. And find my calendar, so that I can figure out what time I work tomorrow. Because I should probably know that, you know?

I have to figure out where the dogs pooped in here. It's smelled like poop all day, and I can NOT find the poop. So I should probably do that.

I love you, Gwen. See you soon. :)
Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz

6/27

I can't do it. I can babysit real toddlers. Not toddlers who are really teenagers and have technology and can possibly ruin everything. I didn't think I had to tell him "No, Jacob, don't do that" on this one. It's like having to tell Lawson not to lick the inside of the dumpster. It's just so... ridiculous that I didn't think I had to say it. Otherwise, I would have.

He emailed you to the dontknowdontcaredontask email. The one that your mom has the password to. He says he just told you about the incident at the park. But... is he lying? Groovey moses I hope not. Watchtower farms was he thinking? The only thing I can hope for is that your mom just forgot about that email because she found out you were using the other one (by the way has she said anything about the email being deleted?), and that you'll be able to get on while... Hold on. Is your email password the one that's different from everything else? Let me try your universal one... If I can log on and delete his emails, maybe delete the whole email? I won't delete all of it because you might want it. But I can get rid of the ones from Jacob. Nope. I couldn't log on. What could the password be? I know you've told me before. But I just can't remember.

I'm going to tell him to put all of his emails onto a book on bookrix, so that you can download it onto your ereader. I thought he'd take the hint at the park when I told them all how you got to read our emails. I thought he'd take that hint, plus all the times when I told him, "Just do what Bailey and I do. Just do what we do." lkjfsjsdkjfkl No. Common. Sense.

I don't get it, Gwen. How can someone so smart fall for someone so stupid? Don't take that the wrong way. I know it probably hurts you to hear me say stuff like that because you love him and you need me to not hate him right now. But Gwen... I just can't do it anymore. I can't babysit him. I can't be telling him things tht he would know if he just had common sense, while keeping Delainey from busting down your door, while dealing with everything that's going on in my family. I love you and I would do anything for you. And I don't blame you at all for all this extra stress. It's not having to deal wth him that bugs me. What bugs methe most is that you want to spend the rest of your life babysitting him and telling him not to lick the inside of a dumpster.

I'm still trying to keep him positive about yours and his future together, so that he still fights for you. And at the same time, I'm trying to tear your image of him down, reduce it to shreds. I feel deceptive, just plain mean. I feel like I shouldn't be doing this right now because you have so much other stuff going on. But Gwen. You can NOT be with him. It's just going to cause you SO much hurt and anger and frustration and... it's not worth it, Gwen.

PO Box 3068. That's where you can send me stuff. I don't want to go through him anymore. I can't. I just.. can't. I never really had much faith in you guys as a long term couple. Marriage and all that. But I figured high school is high school and it doesnt really matter. But you do NOT need this right now.

Delainey and I are going to go to meeting together on Sunday. I should probably see if Bailey wants to go too. Delainey was going to go to your house today, and see you. I convinced her that right now, it wouldn't be a good idea. Because we know nothing about the situation. Delainey showing up at your house alone with no knowledge of the situation? That scares me. There are just too many things that could go wrong. So I told her to wait until Tuesday meeting. Or, if she can't wait until Tuesday, I'd go with her on Sunday. I just think SOMEONE needs to be there with her, to restain her if necessary. Or something. I don't know. I just... I'm doing my best to look out for her and I hope I'm doing a good job. If not... I don't know what to do. I can't fail you with her. That would just... destroy you. I'd never forgive myself. It would destroy me too. I feel like... Delainey is my second chance. I screwed