Love Letters by Amanda (readict books .txt) 📕

and insanity. I have chased my dreams and haven’t had to give up anything to be with you. When I thought you’d leave me, you assured me I wouldn’t lose you.

Now I feel like if I lost you, I’d die. Who else can love me so perfectly? Who else can be so strong for me, yet kill me with their gentleness? Who else can calm me down and make me see the whole story and love myself again? Who else can fill my heart like you do?

I’ll tell you. No one. No one can make me feel a love so deep it hurts. No one else can light up my life by their smile. No one can make me feel so safe as you.

Any other girl could be better for you yet you chose me. Any other girl could be pure, untainted, and innocent. They could easily be prettier than me- smarter or happier. But you still chose me as your lover. Despite that I’m tainted, crazy, and insecure.

You take my free spirit and give me a place to land without questioning me. I love you more than I can ever show you. I want to kiss you softly and feel your hands on me as I pull you closer to me until our two hearts beat as one. I want you to lay me down and love me like I want to be loved. You know how to drive me completely crazy longing for your touch.

I see the way you look at me with such adoration and desire. Your soft dark lovely voice makes me want you so much more. I’m hanging on to my heart, scared you’ll see my needy self but Baby you have no idea how bad I want to let go. Let you fulfill my every need. Let you love me fully and completely.

How can I be sure that you won’t leave me? How can I know that I can trust you with my whole self? How will it be to fully be yours/ will you be patient with me, make sure I am ready, don’t rush me/ I’m hanging on to those silly fears. Can you conquer those fears?

Fears of being hurt? Repeating the past? Being left alone? Don’t hurt me, Baby. Be careful with me; assure me you will never leave me. If you can let me learn to trust you on my own, you will certainly have my heart. Just wait for me, Baby. That’s all I ask of you.

One of these days, you will know how it feels to become a child again. To laugh at your reflection in the mirror. To let go of all insecurities and just jump. Forget the consequences and follow your dreams wherever they take you. Run through the trees like a fool. Catch bumblebees in a meadow with your bare hands. Feel the rain falling on your skin and laugh at the irony of it all. Climb somewhere way up high and watch the world from up above.

You’ll know the master of the sea, and the Lord of my soul. You’ll fall to your knees in reverence when you enter His presence. Your heart will swell as you feel the touch of His hand and you’ll feel as though you’ve been bathed in light. You will come to honor Him as I do and forever be changed by His grace.

One of these days you’ll know my soul better than anyone. Just keep being you, Sweetie. You are simply wonderful to me. Much more than I actually deserve. You are literally an angel, Baby.

You always know what I’m feeling and you always draw the truth out of me. You know how to make me smile and you know when to let it slide. You are my safe haven and I pray you will never leave me even when I am drowning in doubt.

Save me from the wretched storm that is my own mind. Don’t let me lose my love or my heart. Keep on reminding me who I am and who I belong to. Don’t question that that person is you. I belong to you now and always. Keep me, Baby from destroying myself.

I am lost for words to describe how good you are. Not once have you doubted me. You have listened to me rant and rave and you still love me all the same. You understand my anger and you know I would never ever do anything to hurt you. I love you for that. For being a rock I can count on not to give way when I need a shoulder to lean on. I love you, Baby.

There are times I wonder if what we have is real. When your close friend doubts me, I worry if you do too. When he says our love is unstable I stop breathing from shock and fear. Do you believe that? Oh, Baby, please don’t doubt me. Just because I don’t always express myself, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give up my life for your love. I love you a lot. I’m unable to put in words without falling apart. I don’t want to be that girl. I can’t be vulnerable in front of others if it means bearing my heart.

You get stabbed when you’re vulnerable and I can’t take that pain anymore. I don’t want to be that girl who is helpless and loopy all because she fell in love. I am yours, Baby, so don’t ever doubt me. I will never forsake you. Just let me have the time I need to tell you in return what my heart feels.

Please don’t be upset because of my quietness. Be slow with me. Take care of my heart and don’t rush me. I may act tough, but I am not at all. I am weak and fragile and vulnerable and insecure at times. I’m anxious and worrisome and harsh on myself. I come off as brash but you see through it.

Don’t rush me into bearing my heart to you. The tie will come as soon as I am certain I’m not repeating myself. By “repeating myself” I speak of the stupidity I have shown before. You can’t expect me to do something I have done before and regret. I mean nothing against you; you may not know the extent I have hurt myself in the past.

Losing my purity is the one thing I regret above all else. I was foolish and looking for trouble. What you seek, you always find. I found the deepest heartbreak and emptiness by acting hasty and foolish. I will not lose my faith in certainty anymore. I want to trust myself that I’m not being hasty and I want to know that you trust me as well. I trust you Baby, that you understand me well enough to be good to me.

You asked me the strangest thing the other day. You asked how you win me over. You don’t win me over. That is the most absurd thing I could think of.

No, you can’t win me over. You come to know me as well as yourself and let me know you. You be gentle, slow, loving to me. You trust me and show me how to trust you completely. You keep loving me until our two hearts beat together as one and then you find out how to make it last. I don’t know how you do that because I’ve never had anyone try. But you will know in your heart what to do. So follow your heart when you are with me and we’ll figure it out as we go along.

If you kiss me and I stop breathing from shock, don’t pull away. Hold me closer. Show me that I am your princess. Let me kiss you back and don’t worry when I place my fist against your chest. Kiss my lips, my neck, my soul. Pick me up and let me look at your face with my hair falling around you. Your eyes sparkling and your smile driving me crazy.

Tell me I’m yours forever and to never say never. Let me run my fingers down your chest as you lay still beside me with the fading light of day surrounding us. Let me kiss your lips and lay beside you in complete silence and understanding. Hold me close to you and feel my heart beat match yours. Hold my hands in yours and whisper “I love you.”

And finally, when all is ready I will let my fear fall away and then I will be yours certainly and without a doubt.

Last night when we spoke on the phone I wrote “i<3u” on my leg with a marker. Now today, I notice it is still there in its blue expo marker glory. I wonder what you’d think if you seen it and a sly smile surprises me, and I decide I’ll keep it a secret.

I may be the odd duckling but I am yours, so love me anyway. I will love you through all of your quirkiness and difference and I will be your favorite hello. I’ll color you pictures and make you melt. I’ll write you songs and bake banana bread for you and sneak love notes into your wallet and leave a single rose in your pickup. I’ll plan blowout snowball fights, and the makeup after a killer paintball war. I’ll leave my hair clip in your truck on purpose for an excuse to be with you even for something so small.

If I find a coupon for a fro-yo or a Mountain Mudd iced coffee I’ll leave it where you’ll find it and take me out. I’ll go to your band concerts and be in the front row. I’ll clip cute pictures from magazines and keep a stash in an envelope to give you. I’ll be your girl. And everyone will know it and never doubt it. But I won’t suffocate you either because I still need my space and I don’t want you to ever get tired of my presence. I doubt that could happen though because I am always wanting to try something new and unheard of. Even if it is incredibly scary and out of my comfort zone.

I know that you want to take me into your world but my fears and scars hold us back. Don’t worry though. I trust you not to hurt me. You just need to let me learn for myself that it’s okay to let my walls down. I have almost done that a couple times while talking to you but something- I never am sure what- maybe a word or an image- always shuts me down again.

Would you think me fickle? Or worse, would you try to change me? Maybe I would use to jump into things without thinking, but I was hurt. If not by myself, then by someone else. Someone would scream at me harsh unfeeling words or abandon me. They might hit me or force me to change for them. However I would wait too long. By then I was already broken; I was done for. Don’t change who I am.

Can you be patient and deal with my insecurities? I know it is a lot to ask but Baby, if you can be careful now, god only knows where we can go together. We can reach the sky and claim our love in the stars. We can go anywhere and do whatever together. We just have to get through the toughness now.

I will let you know what I feel when the timing is right and I have your attention focused on me. I want to look at you when I tell you. I want to hold your hands in mine and rest my head in your lap and let you see my face. I want to know what I say does not hurt our