Shadowless by Kareca (the reading strategies book txt) 📕

Chapter 1: My Boyfriend is Evil

The days seem to keep going by. No matter how much I pray for them to stop coming. No matter what I try to do... it is always hitting me in the face. Opening the wound even further. I feel as though I am at my breaking point.Even though three weeks have passed it feels as though it happened yesterday. They call it an accident and shove it off like it happens everyday. I guess if you live in a big city it might, but here it does not. I feel as though I am the only person who knows the truth. Or at least the only person willing to open their eyes to the truth. I can not even bear going back to school. I know he is there, waiting for me... He is waiting for me to act like nothing happened. He wants me to run into his arms crying asking him to protect me. I know he will not he is a monster. I could only wish that he was some supernatural force, or some monster like a vampire or werewolf, unfortunately he is pure human brute.
I hate this depression. It is like a cloud cover has come over and darkness is all I can see. I am veiled from the sun, but I believe I have done this to myself. I could act like nothing happened. I could be like the countless other people who walk around pretending they are blind to inhumanity of people and nature. Yet I must be more of a person because I can not forget, nor can I pretend that it did not happen. I can not pretend that a part of me is missing. Deep down I wish that I could be happy like my usual self. Somehow I can not resurrect that part anymore. Even my usual sarcastic personality has deflated.
The days turn into weeks and nothing changes. I am alone no one bothers to check up on me anymore. I feel detached from reality... who would not be with what is going on. I will not have a flash back of what happened. Instead I will have a flash forward into my future. Or at least what I thought my future was going to be. Instead of how messed up it is now. Here is how it went, I would be married happily so. I would be in a love that nothing could break. The world would be colorful and bright and I would always be smiling. My friends would always be with me.
This is what I think it now is going to be. I will be standing in a graveyard looking down at all the people I knew. My best friend sleeps in the ground. I did not kill her do not worry... It is more terrible than that.
I had a boyfriend which most girls my age have boyfriends. Since I am sixteen it is normal. My boyfriend was the best, we went everywhere together. Talked about everything and never kept any secrets... so I thought. He is evil, and psychotic that is the only words I can describe him as. Let me explain. He did some things to my best friend. Things that I can not even explain without getting sick at the thought. I came home one day after getting out of soccer practice. He usually waits for me at home so we can go out together. My best friend had told me earlier she was going to drop off something for my mothers birthday. The timing was to perfect.
I came home looking around to see where everyone was. My mother had not came home from work yet so I figured my best friend may have laid the present somewhere to hide it. Our usual place to hide things was in the downstairs closet. It is part of a ritual we had since we were in elementary school. It was because we did not want her brother to find our letters. He was very meddlesome at the time. That is in the past though. So I walked around a little sat my bag down and went to the closet near the backdoor. There is one by the front door but people frequent ther a lot for their jackets.
I heard something muffled and when I opened the door... Sorry I have to stop before I get sick. It is just that she was my best friend... I had trusted him. Then he did that and what happened after that made it worse. I need to breath for a moment.
Okay let me try again. When I opened the door he was there with my best friend. He had her gagged so she could not scream. He... he was defiling her you could say. I am trying to make this as less vomit inducing as possible. When he noticed I was there he stopped, zipped his pants and pulled the gag out of her mouth. He did not seem scared, or shocked that I was there. He seemd to be expecting this. Then he smiled cruelly at me as if to say I could not do anything about this.
He grabbed her by the wrist and spun past me. I felt dazed for a while but I had to follow after them. He coudl not do that, there had to be a way to stop him. I had not idea where he was going. I had to follow her screams to the bridge. He stopped by the edge and stood up on the ledge. I pleaded with him to leave her alone and let her live. I tried to bargain with him, it did not work. He threw her off letting her fall to the bottom of what is now called Dead Creek. He then jumped back down and watched me. Pleased with my reaction. That is how things turned out like this.
Even after I ran to tell someone, I could not utter a word. It was like I was mute.
So now this secret lies with me and Alex. That is his name... No one knows how she really died. They say it was an accident, since I had no proof I could not say anything. Her body was washed downstream and once they found it they could barely tell who it was. They only had half of her body... Fortunately it was the top half so they could see some of the features. They all say it was suicide. If you knew her you would know she is not the type to do that. She was always so happy, and carefree. She had no reason to jump off a bridge. Me on the other hand I have a few reasons now.
I wonder how long that had been going on. If it was only a one day thing. If it had been a long term thing. That she did not tell anyone about. I knew she had a dislike for Alex beforehand. Was that the reason. I had always thought it was because she felt lonely. I feel like a horrible person, I was a horrible friend. I should have done something. I should have acted, told someone, tried to stop him. There may have been a way to save her. I feel as though it was all my fault. I do not want to go back to school. One because Alex is most definitely going to be there. He always hangs out after school waiting for me. I can imagine that he will be there like usual. Except it is not like usual... this is completely different. I can not go back to the way things were. I also do not want to go because my best friend will not be there. Never again will I see her again. We did everything together, I considered her my best friend. Now however it is like a part of me is missing.
I am afraid of what may happen. What he may do... I begged my mom and dad to let me transfer schools. Even go for a foreign exchange student program. Of course they said no... which I think maybe they may let me if I persist a little more. Right now I am sitting by my window looking outside to the backyard. I thought about killing myself. I feel that I do not want to go to hell though. So if I am murdered at least that is better. I have a feeling I might be murdered.
I should break up with Alex. I mean you know there are a lot of reasons. Then I think what will he do? Will he throw me off a bridge and pretend it was an accident? Or will he leave me somewhere dead on the side of the road. He is not afraid to kill. He acts like it is a hobby almost. I wish that I could disappear forever. I wish I could lie here and die, then go to heaven to be with God. I wish I was anywhere but here. If my Best Friend was here maybe I could get through this better. I know though my wishes are worthless... they will never come true, no matter how hard I hope.
I locked my door afraid that he may come in. My parents would let him in thinking he is a good boy. I am not answering my cellphone, I shut it off. I thought about destroying it by smashing it. I am kind of angry right now but fear is what rules me right now. I pick my phone up and throw it at the wall. Why was things like this? The phone smacks against the wall and part of the plastic shatters off.
I feel so dark and I want to be happy. I feel helpless and lost... without anyway out. This is pathetic, and this is my end.


Chapter 2: Confrontation at Night

I open my eyes as a light flashes on my face. I died didn't I? I am free! Wait this is to good to be true.

'Hey Sweetheart.'

My heart stops beating and my blood runs cold.

'Are you not even going to say hi?'

I do not move, I dare not breath. I can feel myself shivering though I have three sheets on my bed. He knows I am afraid of him, that is what he is feeding off of. He smiles at me still.

'Oh come on stop being a b***h.'

'Me?'

'Yes there got you to say something.'

He leans down to my eye level. He is expecting me to be normal and smile. He must be expecting a kiss because I can see it in his eyes. I purse my lips and turn my head. I do not even care if he kills me now. Where did this confidence come from?

'Stop acting like this, talk to me or I may kill you.'

'Seriously?'

I say it trying to say it sarcastically. Somehow it manages to still sound like a sqawk. He smiles and I can feel his breath hit my face. I admit he is handsome, but that makes no excuses for what he has done.

'Do you think I am kidding?'

He laughs a little I can smell peppermint on his breath now. Why is he here is what I am wondering? How did he get in? Did he climb up the through my window? I live on the second floor though and there is nothing to get