Marianne by Elizabeth Hammer (best books to read in life TXT) 📕

That didn’t change a thing. Nana and all the gang knew now, but they were all losers, too. Patrick wouldn’t take it as easily as they had.

Probably not. But who cares? He already left her, so what could it cost?

Um… How about her very soul and every shred of self-respect she had left? Besides, what the hell would she say?

She’d confess, obviously. Confess everything. Her lies, her betrayals, all the issues and all the feelings she’d hidden from him. Simple.

Oh, that’ll be a blast. And nothing she could say would change his mind. Nothing. She’d completely humiliate herself and get depressed again, all for nothing.

Marianne dropped her arms and stared up at the dark ceiling again. That was true. All her reasons for deciding that this was a stupid idea were true, but… but for some reason, she couldn’t get herself to care. Part of her still wanted to do it. That was weird. “Why don’t I care?” she whispered.

She should care. When she’d tried to tell him her secrets, he hadn’t wanted to hear them. He’d left anyway. It was awful. Wretched. If she were to try again, he’d do the same thing. The facts and the lies hadn’t changed. Patrick hadn’t changed.

Mmm. Yeah, she still didn’t care. Where did this manic desire to torture herself come from? And why did she feel like she wanted to do it right now? This very second. Marianne took a deep breath in and out, trying to calm her racing heartbeat. What the heck? She had about a billion reasons to dismiss this idea, but none of them changed the fact that it felt right. Not fun, not exciting, just right. And not for herself; but right for Patrick.

Huh? How on earth could it be right for Patrick? He may have been the one to leave, but she wasn’t under any delusion that it had been easy for him. He was probably just getting happy again. If she were to show up at his door, he’d send her packing, and then he’d have to deal with everything all over again. She couldn’t do that.

Marianne bit her lip. She couldn’t do that, and she wouldn’t do that. He’d loved her before, and she’d hurt him. Never again. She’d rather rot slowly in her bed for the next ten years than to…

Marianne sat up. Hang on. Important thought.

Those two words: Never again. She took a deep breath in and shook her head like a wet dog. Those words weren’t a hope, or a promise, or a goal. They were truth. What she’d done before, she could never do again. It was an impossibility. Marianne would never hurt him like that again because she was different now. “Oh crap,” she breathed. “I’m different.”

Georgia lifted her head to look at Marianne. “Did you say something?”

“Yes,” she breathed. She jumped up off the floor and ran over to the doorway. She flipped on the light and stood there panting as everyone squinted back at her through the brightness. “I’m having an epiphany.”

“Finally,” said Danielle. “It’s about freaking time.”

“What?” said Marianne. “No, really. I just realized something very important… I’m different now.”

Georgia scrunched up her nose. “You’re different?”

“Yes, I’m different,” whispered Marianne. “And that matters.”

Danielle blew out a breath. “Nice work, professor,” she said. “You’ve finally caught up to what I’ve been saying for two weeks. So what?”

“So…” Marianne crossed her arms on top of her head, barely able to keep up with her own brain. “So, I think I need to talk to Patrick. I think he needs to know that I’m different. I think… I think I need to try to get him back.”

“Ooh...” “Um...” The murmuring started in the corners and worked its way across the room. “Honey,” said Danielle. “You know that’s not going to happen, right?”

“That’s fine,” said Marianne, nodding. “That’s fine. But there’s a chance, and—”

“No, babe,” interrupted Danielle. “I talk to him all the time. There’s no chance.”

Mom was biting her lip and shaking her head at Marianne. No chance.

Marianne started to deflate, but caught herself. “No. It doesn’t matter. I have to do it, anyway. It’s right. Somehow, it’s right. I…” She swallowed a few times to keep herself from crying. “I owe it to him. After everything he put up with, I owe it to him to put in the effort. I owe it to him to offer. I need to give him the choice, even if it’s going to hurt. He deserves that much.”

Silence.

“I love him,” said Marianne, dropping her arms. “I love him, and I’m going to prove it for once. I don’t care if he rejects me.”

Danielle shook her head. Sighed. Then she flung the blanket off herself and stood up. “All right,” she said. “If you’re sure, then I’ll help you.”

Marianne stared. “You will?”

Danielle nodded and started pacing.

“What? Now?” said Mom. “Right now?”

“Hell, yes,” said Danielle. “Let’s get this thing over with.”

Sally squealed and ran toward the den. “I’ll get some pencils! Let’s get planning.”

29

If You Don’t Believe Me, You’re in De-Nile

It was quickly decided that a face-to-face talk would never work. Marianne had broken down in tears three times before they’d even gotten settled around the kitchen table to discuss tactics.

“Texting,” said Sally. “It’s the only way.”

“That’s insane,” said Danielle. “She could send a confession every hour, and it would still take her fifty years to finish.”

“So be it,” said Sally. She pushed the cell phone across the table to Marianne. “You should get started then.”

Marianne opened her phone. She put her fingers on the keys and opened a new message. She looked up. “What do I say?”

“It doesn’t matter, sweetie,” said Mom. “So long as it’s not a lie.”

Marianne snorted once and then started weeping again. She took a few minutes to get herself together and typed out the following:

Patrick, I totally get now why you broke up with me. You were right to do it. Please don’t respond to any of this. I just wanted to let you know: I’m