Nena by Ann Boelter (digital book reader txt) 📕

this secret, this burden with someone else, she was terrified. She knew what her aunt’s reaction would be. What it should be. Her feelings were absurd. No, they were beyond absurd; they approached madness. But she had agreed to tell the truth, and truthfully, she no longer wanted to keep it inside. “He forsakes me,” she whispered. Nena held her breath, waiting for her aunt’s outraged rebuke. Waiting to hear how she was stupid and weak. Waiting to hear the scathing disappointment in Jalla’s voice, as she had in Lothor’s, or the shock and disgust, as she had in Gentok’s.

“I see,” Jalla said, and resumed braiding as she struggled to process the enormity of what had been revealed to her, first by Jarl, then confirmed by Nena. Her niece’s predicament was suddenly crystal clear, and though everything made sense now, it only made the situation that much more impossible.

“You have no answer for me?” Nena asked.

“I do not, but I am only a woman, Nena. You must trust that the gods have a plan.”

“That is my deepest fear,” Nena admitted with a whisper. “I fear the gods had a plan when they chose him to be my first union, but in my arrogance and blindness, I thwarted their wishes. Now others will suffer the consequences of my actions.” Both women sat in silence while Jalla finished the braid and tied it off. “Did you know Father is sending me to the cliffs?”

“No,” Jalla said quietly.

“For four days.”

“Did he say why?” Jalla asked.

“He said because it is my warrior duty,” Nena said cynically.

“Do you think he knows of your feelings for the Northman?”

“I don’t know. But he does know why Jarl is here.”

“Your father never acts without purpose,” Jalla contemplated out loud.

“I know, which is why I have a favor to ask of you,” Nena said. “I need you to look after Jarl while I am gone.”

Jalla shook her head. “Nena, you put me in a difficult position. I am Lothor’s blood, too. And surely your father has no intent to harm him before the trial.” Even as she said the words, Jalla wondered if they were true. Desperation made people unpredictable. She thought of her own plan to kill the Northman earlier that day. But Meln? And if it were true, maybe it would be for the best. Why prolong Nena’s heartache when she could never be happy? And why risk Lothor’s life? If Meln did plan to kill him, both her niece and nephew would benefit. The tribe would benefit. Jalla knew she had to decide quickly. Once she gave her word to Nena....

“It is at Lothor’s request that Jarl requires care for these days,” Nena added. “You can look at it that way—that you are doing it for him. Just promise me you will tend to him.” Nena waited for her response.

“Very well. I will care for the Northman in your absence. Little did I know the answers to my questions today would come at such a price,” Jalla said and shook her head.

“You are the only one I trust.” Nena stood and hugged her briefly before leaving to tell Jarl.

Jarl’s eyes covered every inch of her as she passed through the doorway. “It is late. But you are safe,” he said, relief evident in his voice.

Nena ignored the guard seated at the table. “Apologies for worrying you with my delay. My aunt said she sent word to you of my safe return.” Nena spoke quietly and quickly under her breath. She knew the guard understood the Northman tongue, as all the Teclan did, but they were not as fluent in it as she was, thanks to her time with them. If she spoke rapidly and low, he would probably not understand much of what she said.

“She did, but I did not believe it. I could see no reason, if it were true, why you would not have come to tell me yourself.”

“My father has ordered me to the cliffs to stand guard until the trial.”

“Why?” Jarl asked.

“He said because we have increased the guard for so long there, we all need to take shifts.”

“But you do not believe him.”

“I don’t know. I think he suspects I would try to free you or do something else foolish.”

“Why would he think that?”

“I fear someone has put that idea in his mind.”

“Who?”

“The guard who interrupted us that first night.” She confessed her suspicion. She could not accept the idea that her father had foul play in mind. Gentok was the only one that made sense to her.

“Why would you think him? He seemed alright to me. He even assigned my safety detail.” He smiled and nodded to the guard at the table.

“Gentok heard us the first night. And...he wants the same from me as you do.”

Jarl took a moment to comprehend what she was saying. He looked at her, his eyes sober. “Does he have cause to feel that way?”

Nena sighed. “When it was the gods’ choice, Gentok professed his willingness to be chosen only to me. There were whispers about it at the time, but then that passed. When I returned and my father made it clear I was expected to make my second choice quickly, Gentok again expressed his desire and renewed his willingness. I would have chosen him, had you not come,” Nena admitted bluntly.

“Do you have feelings for him?” Jarl asked.

“No.” She paused. “But I would have chosen him anyway.” She looked up at him, her eyes haunted.

“If he heard us, why would he think I would escape?”

“He came to me that night after I left you, and warned me against doing anything shameful. He mentioned helping you to escape, specifically. He also asked me to choose him then, to insure that your words of our...being together, would not make the tribe look upon me with shame.”

“What did you say?”

“I told him I would not be making a decision until after the trial.”

“And I suppose if I were to fall, he is expecting to