Irresistible Bachelors: Books 1-5 by Landish, Lauren (bts books to read TXT) 📕

I don’t know why I’m so worked up. “You could have at least said you’d think about it, that you don’t want to answer without having a private conversation with me. Played it off or something. Not get us deeper into some shit . . .”

“I’m usually strong and independent, but when it comes to family—” she says softly, her voice cracking. She stops and starts again. “You don’t really want to marry me, I know. You hate me now.”

“I—” I try to reply, but I choke up. I can’t speak over the lump in my throat. Is that what she wants? A real wedding? Is that why she’s looking so miserable right this moment? Does she really think I hate her? “I don’t hate you. And I don’t know what I want, not while I’m this angry. Not while . . .”

Mindy nods, and I see the hurt in her eyes. But after a week of lies, of half-hidden comments and games back and forth, I can’t lie anymore. I’m too pissed off to really respond to that.

Still, I feel like shit because I can't assuage her pain. I know she’s trying to please her family. It’s noble from a certain point of view. And she isn’t the only one who’s guilty of lying. I know we’re both in too deep. But this seems like she stepped over the line. Save your mom’s feelings? Sure, I get it. Sham marriage? No, there’s got to be a line somewhere.

When she speaks again, her voice is small and filled with shame. “I’m sorry. I know I’m a terrible person, Oliver. I swear I’m normally not such a coward. It’s okay if you hate me. If you don’t want to talk to me ever again after this is over, I’ll understand.”

Not talk to her ever again? It hurts to even hear the words. And I don’t know why I can't just tell her it's okay, we’ll do it and just get through it. I guess I’m just still raw over everyone’s emotions, seeing them hope for Mindy, wanting us to consummate our love. Love that they don’t know is supposed to be fake.

“Don't say that,” I say more harshly than I should.

“Don’t say what?” she asks, her voice raw and choked with half held-back tears. “That you hate me? Go ahead and say it. At least someone this week knows the truth about me!”

“That’s not true—” I start, stopping when my thoughts start to tumble over each other. I hate the lies, but I can’t hate Mindy. And the truth about how I feel about her is so enormous, so insane, it scares me to even think about it, let alone say something about it.

“You’re so mad right now you can't even talk. You think I’m weak!” Mindy continues before I can get my head right, emotions sweeping her away and taking me with her like a lake that’s broken through a dam. We’re helpless in the rush, and all I can try to do is hold on for dear life.

She’s definitely not weak. She’s one of the strongest women I’ve ever known, and that’s what I love about her. She just puts others before herself a lot of times. I’ve seen it in everything Mindy’s done this week. From this whole charade to the stories she’s told me about her life back home, even the ways we’ve had sex, everything this woman does is to please others. Her deepest desire is the desire to see other people happy. She drinks it, survives on it like it’s her daily bread.

I’m unable to offer anything, not trusting myself to speak. I don’t really know what I can say. I’m angry, so angry that my fingers are trembling as I hold them behind my back just to give them something to do. I’m hurt. And worst of all, I think I’m madly in—

“I’ll just go fucking tell them,” she says, jumping to her feet. “Get this over with like I should have in the beginning. I don’t know why I did this.”

I step In her way. “Don’t,” I growl. As much as I wanted her to say no at the time, I don’t want to see her hurt more by telling her family and upsetting everyone. “We just need to carry this thing through at this point.”

She tries to step past me but I grab her by the arm. “Don’t,” I repeat, staring into her beautiful eyes that are now blazing in anger. “You’re not going out that door.”

She tries to twist out of my grasp, but my hand is like iron, and while I’m not squeezing her, I’m not releasing her either. “Let go of me!”

“No.” I step closer until we’re almost touching foreheads, my own anger growing. “You’re not going anywhere, Princess. You committed us to it, and we’re going to fucking do it.”

“But you don’t want to,” she hisses. “And you have that right. I shouldn’t have said yes. I'll just tell another lie,” she says, lowering her head in shame. “I’ll tell them we changed our minds, that your mom said she didn’t want you to have it without her.”

“No!” I repeat, pulling her back from the door. “We’re doing it, and that’s final. We’ll get an annulment as soon as we get back.”

She goes lax in my arms. The anger evaporates, leaving just a wounded hurt in her eyes. It’s like she’s upset that I’m going to annul our fake marriage. It’s what she wanted, wasn’t it? And how could I get married and stay married to someone I’ve only known for five days?

“What do you really owe Gavin?” she asks quietly out of nowhere after a long pause. “Why would you do this for him? And don’t try to tell me it’s nothing. I’ve been trying to figure out this whole time why a man like you would go through all of this, even for a friend, when I know you can’t be that close to him. Brianna