I Am What I Am by John Barrowman (white hot kiss .TXT) 📕

What did I see in her performance so early in the show’s process? Connie had poise and confidence and she had talent. She could sing. She had a quality to her voice that impressed me from the beginning. To observe all of this from her first audition didn’t mean I was biased and that no one else would have a chance to make a similar impression. Far from it. Many of the other performers for the successful talent-search programmes I’ve judged to date1 have also made strong first impressions on me. A few of them faded as the performance challenges increased in difficulty and the show’s pressure built, but a couple of them did go on to win their respective competitions. At a fairly early point in the audition process for Any Dream Will Do and I’d Do Anything, I made a similar comment to the other judges about Lee Mead as a potential Joseph and Jodie Prenger as a possible Nancy.

In these initial auditions, I noted my impressions and then I’d file them away in my head and in my notebook.2 I can and I do step away from those primary observations, and here’s why: Connie, Lee or Jodie, or any one of the other performers we auditioned in the early days of those shows, might have been terrific in that particular audition or during a specific performance on a given night, but when a performer is doing a show eight times a week for a year or more, there has to be consistency, energy, style and personality in his or her work at all times. Those qualities don’t always emerge until well into the run of the competition.

This is also why it’s not a good idea to have favourites too early. This applies to all of us – viewers and judges alike. I might have a notion of who may be emerging as the strongest in the programme, and I might begin to see the attributes blossom that will make, say, Connie or Lee or Jodie the best performer to carry the production, but, in the end, it’s the audience that ultimately decides – and viewers can quickly turn against a performer if it appears that a judge is putting forward a favourite.

How do I know this? Because if I wasn’t a judge on shows like this, I’d be sitting at home like everyone else, with my bowl of nibbles and my drink, and I’d be yelling through the TV at Barry Humphries or the Lord3 that they ‘must be mad’ or ‘tone deaf’ or ‘too bitchy’ or ‘so right!’ or ‘so wrong!’ and then, when the phone lines opened, I’d say to myself ‘those judges are being jerks to so-and-so’, and I’d vote for him or her in spite of what the judges said.4

Even I had to audition to get a place on these talent shows. For my audition to be a judge on How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?, I was on a practice panel with Elaine Paige. The producers were also looking at Elaine for one of the judging spots. During this initial audition process, I was under the impression that I was the only male lead from theatre and television being auditioned for the job. This did not turn out to be true, and the realization was a bit of a surprise.

Elaine and I have a long history together in the theatre and we’re friends. We were both comfortable with each other in this audition and we had a good rapport. We were asked to sit at a table in a room at the BBC studios in London with a television in front of us, and the producers showed us a series of audition tapes they had from other shows. As Elaine and I assessed and debated the performances’ strengths and weaknesses, the producers recorded our comments. They listened to everything I said and then they assessed my performance as a potential judge.

During a break from my audition, I headed up to the bar at the top of the BBC studio building, where guests gather after a show’s taping to have a relaxing drink.5 It’s a comfortable and spacious area with lots of tables and a terrific outside balcony, which is used in the summer months for end-of-series parties.

For example, after the final episode of Any Dream Will Do, the producers threw an American-style BBQ6 up there for cast, crew and guests. I filled my plate with sausages, chips and some other ‘healthy’ morsels, and then commandeered a table with Jonathan Ross and his family, who had been guests for the final episode.

We were a large group. Along with the Ross family were Scott, Carole, Gav and his husband, Stu. Jonathan and I were in fine form, so trying to get us all settled round an outside table on a crowded balcony was like herding cats. Just as we all finally managed to find places, David Tennant and his girlfriend at the time, Sophia Myles, joined us – and the musical chairs began all over again. We did, though, find a moment to squeeze in a toast to Lee and his future success.

So, after I’d finished my first session for my Maria audition, I took the elevator up to the bar. I thought I’d see if anyone I knew was there, and have a chat before my next set of tapes. I scanned the room and didn’t see anyone at first, but just as I turned to leave, I spotted Michael Ball sitting on one of the couches. When I saw Michael across the room, I wondered if he was also auditioning for the same judging position as me (I found out later that he had been considered for the job). Michael and I have a similar level of experience and history in the theatre world: the BBC was serious about wanting to cast a judge who could bring significant theatrical expertise to the panel.

Obviously, I got