Roughing It by Mark Twain (large screen ebook reader .txt) 📕

would make the clown in a circus look tame and commonplace by comparison; and each Hawaiian official dignitary has a gorgeous varicolored, gold-laced uniform peculiar to his office⁠—no two of them are alike, and it is hard to tell which one is the “loudest.” The King had a “drawing-room” at stated intervals, like other monarchs, and when these varied uniforms congregate there weak-eyed people have to contemplate the spectacle through smoked glass. Is there not a gratifying contrast between this latter-day exhibition and the one the ancestors of some of these magnates afforded the missionaries the Sunday after the old-time distribution of clothing? Behold what religion and civilization have wrought! LXVIII

While I was in Honolulu I witnessed the ceremonious funeral of the King’s sister, her Royal Highness the Princess Victoria. According to the royal custom, the remains had lain in state at the palace thirty days, watched day and night by a guard of honor. And during all that time a great multitude of natives from the several islands had kept the palace grounds well crowded and had made the place a pandemonium every night with their howlings and wailings, beating of tom-toms and dancing of the (at other times) forbidden “hula-hula” by half-clad maidens to the music of songs of questionable decency chanted in honor of the deceased. The printed programme of the funeral procession interested me at the time; and after what I have just said of Hawaiian grandiloquence in the matter of “playing empire,” I am persuaded that a perusal of it may interest the reader:

After reading the long list of dignitaries, etc., and remembering the sparseness of the population, one is almost inclined to wonder where the material for that portion of the procession devoted to “Hawaiian Population Generally” is going to be procured:

Undertaker.

Royal School. Kawaiahao School. Roman Catholic School. Maemae School.

Honolulu Fire Department.

Mechanics’ Benefit Union.

Attending Physicians.

Knonohikis (Superintendents) of the Crown Lands, Konohikis of the Private Lands of His Majesty Konohikis of the Private Lands of Her late Royal Highness.

Governor of Oahu and Staff.

Hulumanu (Military Company).

Household Troops.

The Prince of Hawaii’s Own (Military Company).

The King’s household servants.

Servants of Her late Royal Highness.

Protestant Clergy. The Clergy of the Roman Catholic Church.

His Lordship Louis Maigret, The Right Rev. Bishop of Arathea, Vicar-Apostolic of the Hawaiian Islands.

The Clergy of the Hawaiian Reformed Catholic Church.

His Lordship the Right Rev. Bishop of Honolulu.

Escort Hawaiian Cavalry.

Large Kahilis.

Small Kahilis.

Pall Bearers.

[HEARSE.]

Escort Hawaiian Cavalry.

Large Kahilis.17

Small Kahilis.

Pall Bearers.

Her Majesty Queen Emma’s Carriage.

His Majesty’s Staff.

Carriage of Her late Royal Highness.

Carriage of Her Majesty the Queen Dowager.

The King’s Chancellor.

Cabinet Ministers.

His Excellency the Minister Resident of the United States.

H.I.M.’s Commissioner.

H.B.M.’s Acting Commissioner.

Judges of Supreme Court.

Privy Councillors.

Members of Legislative Assembly.

Consular Corps.

Circuit Judges.

Clerks of Government Departments.

Members of the Bar.

Collector General, Customhouse Officers and Officers of the Customs.

Marshal and Sheriffs of the different Islands.

King’s Yeomanry.

Foreign Residents.

Ahahui Kaahumanu.

Hawaiian Population Generally.

Hawaiian Cavalry.

Police Force.

I resume my journal at the point where the procession arrived at the royal mausoleum:

As the procession filed through the gate, the military deployed handsomely to the right and left and formed an avenue through which the long column of mourners passed to the tomb. The coffin was borne through the door of the mausoleum, followed by the King and his chiefs, the great officers of the kingdom, foreign Consuls, Embassadors and distinguished guests (Burlingame and General Van Valkenburgh). Several of the kahilis were then fastened to a framework in front of the tomb, there to remain until they decay and fall to pieces, or, forestalling this, until another scion of royalty dies. At this point of the proceedings the multitude set up such a heartbroken wailing as I hope never to hear again. The soldiers fired three volleys of musketry⁠—the wailing being previously silenced to permit of the guns being heard. His Highness Prince William, in a showy military uniform (the “true prince,” this⁠—scion of the house overthrown by the present dynasty⁠—he was formerly betrothed to the Princess but was not allowed to marry her), stood guard and paced back and forth within the door. The privileged few who followed the coffin into the mausoleum remained sometime, but the King soon came out and stood in the door and near one side of it. A stranger could have guessed his rank (although he was so simply and unpretentiously dressed) by the profound deference paid him by all persons in his vicinity; by seeing his high officers receive his quiet orders and suggestions with bowed and uncovered heads; and by observing how careful those persons who came out of the mausoleum were to avoid “crowding” him (although there was room enough in the doorway for a wagon to pass, for that matter); how respectfully they edged out sideways, scraping their backs against the wall and always presenting a front view of their persons to his Majesty, and never putting their hats on until they were well out of the royal presence.

He was dressed entirely in black⁠—dress-coat and silk hat⁠—and looked rather democratic in the midst of the showy uniforms about him. On his breast he wore a large gold star, which was half hidden by the lapel of his coat. He remained at the door a half hour, and occasionally gave an order to the men who were erecting the kahilis before the tomb. He had the good taste to make one of them substitute black crape for the ordinary hempen rope he was about to tie one of them to the framework with. Finally he entered his carriage and drove away, and the populace shortly began to drop into his wake. While he was in view there was but one man who attracted more attention than himself, and that was Harris (the Yankee Prime Minister). This feeble personage had crape enough around his hat to express the grief of an entire nation, and as usual he neglected no opportunity of making himself conspicuous and exciting the admiration of the simple Kanakas. Oh! noble ambition of this modern Richelieu!

It is interesting