Lady of Hay by Barbara Erskine (reading an ebook TXT) 📕

if I were starting a migraine. Then, quite suddenly, I was somewhere else. "

"You want to try again?"

Jo swallowed. "Of course. That's what we've come for. Actually"—she gave Tim a wry smile—"I'd rather have someone there. I think I'll feel safer somehow. Waking up and finding those people bending over me... I felt as if they had seen me naked. "

Tim nodded soberly. "I do understand. Come on. " He was about to turn away from the rail when he stiffened and leaned farther over, looking down into the bright glitter of the water. "Look. By those streamers of weed. "

Jo felt a shiver touch her shoulders. She clutched the rail, peering down, half expecting to see some shadow from the long-ago past.

"There. See it?" Tim leaned over in excitement. "A huge fish. "

Jo relaxed. She smiled at him in relief. "This is a famous fishing river. You should have brought your rods, if you fish. "

"No way. " Tim followed her toward the far side of the bridge. "I'd hate to kill anything for fun, that's a sport for the gods. Besides, I shoot as much as I want with my camera. "

She turned in at the swinging gate that led off the road and onto the footpath. "That sounds very philosophical. "

"Perhaps. " He was grinning as he followed her down the footpath through the trees and onto the shingle strip along the river. Slowly Jo led the way to the spot where she had sat before, picking her way over the smooth rocks that lined the bank of the river. She stopped at last on the edge of the shingle once again.

"It was here, " she said.

Tim was watching her. "You don't have to try to do it now, Jo. We can wait. "

"No. I want to. "

She put her bag down and sat nervously on one of the boulders. She swallowed, staring at the water, not blinking, allowing her eyes to be dazzled, deliberately trying to make her mind a blank.

Beside her Tim squatted silently, his eyes on her face. He was completely relaxed, his long limbs folded with the motionless ease of someone accustomed to the role of watcher. Jo, in contrast, was rigid with tension. He saw her swallow again. She was frowning. "It isn't going to happen, " she said at last.

"You're trying too hard, " Tim said easily. "Try to relax. "

"I can't. " She tore her eyes away from the water to look at him. "I suppose, deep down, I don't want it to happen. I'm afraid. Last time, sitting here, I was completely relaxed. It was the last thing I expected. Besides, I think I was so exhausted that my mind went a complete blank and that is when it happened. "

"Were you afraid with Dr. Bennet?" Tim smiled easily.

She nodded. "I was afraid but I couldn't fight his hypnosis. He knew how to approach it obliquely to put me at my ease. "

"You were telling me you read a book on self-hypnosis. What did that tell you to do?"

She grinned wryly. "It was incredibly complicated. To do with separating the two halves of the brain. You have to keep one half distracted while the other half is stimulated. I didn't read the instructions too carefully at the time, I must confess. It sounded awfully like hard work. "

Tim laughed. "You should have brought it with you. I could have read out the instructions as we went along. I find it hard enough to cope with my brain even when I think it's working in unison. " He stretched his arms above his head lazily. "Tell me the point Matilda's story has reached now. "

"Well, here it was rather exciting. " Jo smiled. "She met Richard again. They flew their falcons on the moors somewhere up there behind us, beyond Clyro, and they managed to go off on their own. They made love on the grass, by a mountain stream. Tim? What is it?"

Tim had scrambled to his feet. He walked to the edge of the river, kicking at the ripples with the toe of his shoe. "Nothing. " He stooped, and picking up a small stone, skimmed it across the water. "Come on. Let's walk up and see your castle. We can always try again another time for a trance. "

"All right. If you want to. " Jo frowned, puzzled by his reaction.

Turning, he smiled at her, extending his hand to pull her to her feet. "I'd like to take some shots with the sun low like this, then why don't we find a nice pub and grab an early meal?"

"That would be nice. " She picked up her bag and followed him over the stones. "Tim. Do you think I'm mad to pursue this?"

He shrugged. "Who knows? If you are driven to do it, then you must. "

"Driven? By Bet, you mean?"

Laughing, he shook his head. "Driven by something inside you. Matilda herself perhaps, seeking to tell her story. "

Jo shivered. "Do you think she is forcing herself on me? I don't feel possessed, not even obsessed. I think I'm just curious. "

"Then you can choose. "

"Would you go on if you were me?"

There was a moment's silence. Tim was looking up at the high bridge, his eyes narrowed. "I'm not sure. I believe in karma, you see. "

"Destiny?"

"Something like that. To know what has gone before won't alter what is to come. Perhaps it is better not to know. "

"But I do know. " The words came out as a whisper. "I know what happened from books. "

Tim shook his head. "You don't know the truth, Jo. You know a few disparate facts. Suppositions. It was too long ago, the characters too poorly documented, to know the truth. The only way you will find that out is to live Matilda's life again with her. "

"Right up to the bitter end?" Jo thought for a moment. "I don't think I have the courage. I think I am afraid