The Small House at Allington by Anthony Trollope (the kiss of deception read online txt) 📕

he made up his mind, in a wild sort of way, to tell all the truth to his friend. Pawkins’s port wine may, perhaps, have had something to do with the resolution. “But I’d go through fire and water for her, my lord. I knew her years before he had ever seen her, and have loved her a great deal better than he will ever love anyone. When I heard that she had accepted him, I had half a mind to cut my own throat⁠—or else his.”

“Highty tighty,” said the earl.

“It’s very ridiculous, I know,” said Johnny, “and of course she would never have accepted me.”

“I don’t see that at all.”

“I haven’t a shilling in the world.”

“Girls don’t care much for that.”

“And then a clerk in the Income-tax Office! It’s such a poor thing.”

“The other fellow was only a clerk in another office.”

The earl living down at Guestwick did not understand that the Income-tax Office in the city, and the General Committee Office at Whitehall, were as far apart as Dives and Lazarus, and separated by as impassable a gulf.

“Oh, yes,” said Johnny; “but his office is another kind of thing, and then he was a swell himself.”

“By George, I don’t see it,” said the earl.

“I don’t wonder a bit at her accepting a fellow like that. I hated him the first moment I saw him; but that’s no reason she should hate him. He had that sort of manner, you know. He was a swell, and girls like that kind of thing. I never felt angry with her, but I could have eaten him.” As he spoke he looked as though he would have made some such attempt had Crosbie been present.

“Did you ever ask her to have you?” said the earl.

“No; how could I ask her, when I hadn’t bread to give her?”

“And you never told her⁠—that you were in love with her, I mean, and all that kind of thing.”

“She knows it now,” said Johnny; “I went to say goodbye to her the other day⁠—when I thought she was going to be married. I could not help telling her then.”

“But it seems to me, my dear fellow, that you ought to be very much obliged to Crosbie;⁠—that is to say, if you’ve a mind to⁠—”

“I know what you mean, my lord. I am not a bit obliged to him. It’s my belief that all this will about kill her. As to myself, if I thought she’d ever have me⁠—”

Then he was again silent, and the earl could see that the tears were in his eyes.

“I think I begin to understand it,” said the earl, “and I’ll give you a bit of advice. You come down and spend your Christmas with me at Guestwick.”

“Oh, my lord!”

“Never mind my-lording me, but do as I tell you. Lady Julia sent you a message, though I forgot all about it till now. She wants to thank you herself for what you did in the field.”

“That’s all nonsense, my lord.”

“Very well; you can tell her so. You may take my word for this, too⁠—my sister hates Crosbie quite as much as you do. I think she’d ‘pitch into him,’ as you call it, herself, if she knew how. You come down to Guestwick for the Christmas, and then go over to Allington and tell them all plainly what you mean.”

“I couldn’t say a word to her now.”

“Say it to the squire, then. Go to him, and tell him what you mean⁠—holding your head up like a man. Don’t talk to me about swells. The man who means honestly is the best swell I know. He’s the only swell I recognize. Go to old Dale, and say you come from me⁠—from Guestwick Manor. Tell him that if he’ll put a little stick under the pot to make it boil, I’ll put a bigger one. He’ll understand what that means.”

“Oh, no, my lord.”

“But I say, oh, yes;” and the earl, who was now standing on the rug before the fire, dug his hands deep down into his trousers’ pockets. “I’m very fond of that girl, and would do much for her. You ask Lady Julia if I didn’t say so to her before I ever knew of your casting a sheep’s-eye that way. And I’ve a sneaking kindness for you too, Master Johnny. Lord bless you, I knew your father as well as I ever knew any man; and to tell the truth, I believe I helped to ruin him. He held land of me, you know, and there can’t be any doubt that he did ruin himself. He knew no more about a beast when he’d done, than⁠—than⁠—than that waiter. If he’d gone on to this day he wouldn’t have been any wiser.”

Johnny sat silent, with his eyes full of tears. What was he to say to his friend?

“You come down with me,” continued the earl, “and you’ll find we’ll make it all straight. I daresay you’re right about not speaking to the girl just at present. But tell everything to the uncle, and then to the mother. And, above all things, never think that you’re not good enough yourself. A man should never think that. My belief is that in life people will take you very much at your own reckoning. If you are made of dirt, like that fellow Crosbie, you’ll be found out at last, no doubt. But then I don’t think you are made of dirt.”

“I hope not.”

“And so do I. You can come down, I suppose, with me the day after tomorrow?”

“I’m afraid not. I have had all my leave.”

“Shall I write to old Buffle, and ask it as a favour?”

“No,” said Johnny; “I shouldn’t like that. But I’ll see tomorrow, and then I’ll let you know. I can go down by the mail train on Saturday, at any rate.”

“That won’t be comfortable. See and come with me if you can. Now, good night, my dear fellow, and remember this⁠—when I say a thing I mean it. I