City of Magic: The Complete Series by Helen Harper (book club recommendations TXT) 📕

‘How?’ Julie demanded. ‘The only person I was putting in danger of discovery was myself, and I was prepared to retire before anyone got suspicious.’

Jerry bent down until his face was in hers. ‘Once the world knew what you were, they’d have come for all of us.’ He angled his head towards me. ‘Have you killed Billy?’

Eh?

He tutted and straightened up. ‘Ben,’ he hissed. ‘His real name is Billy.’

Oh. ‘We’re not actually in the business of killing people,’ I said. Although given Monroe’s temper these days, I wondered if I was telling the truth. Fortunately, a moment later, Monroe himself padded up, dragging Jerry’s unconscious partner by the arm.

‘Two against one, Jerry,’ I said. ‘You should give this up. Besides, it’s all moot now. With what’s happened to Manchester, no one has to hide their true nature any more. You can be a vampire and tell the world and it doesn’t matter. Not in this city. You’re upset over something that happened in the past and can’t be changed.’

‘Exactly,’ Julie said. ‘Let me down, darling, and this will all be in the past too.’

Jerry kicked her, clearly more for effect than to cause pain. ‘Shut up.’ He put his hands on his hips and faced me again. ‘The past defines us. The past colours everything we do. No, it can’t be changed but that doesn’t mean we should forget it.’ He nodded at me. ‘Doesn’t your past follow you?’

If I closed my eyes for a moment, I knew I’d find myself back in my parents’ house, scrabbling to get up the smoke-filled staircase to rescue my little brother Joshua, who never had a chance. Because of me. ‘Yes,’ I said quietly. ‘Yes, it does.’

‘And what about what might have been? If things had been different and the apocalypse hadn’t occurred, I could be the one being tortured right now. She can’t get away with that.’

I drew in a deep breath. ‘But you weren’t tortured. You weren’t exposed.’

Jerry sniffed. ‘That’s not the point.’

‘Of course it is.’ I walked forward until we were almost toe to toe. Monroe growled in warning but I ignored him and put my hand on Jerry’s shoulder. He flinched but he didn’t move away. ‘You can’t live your life focusing on what might have been. We can’t forget the past, and we shouldn’t – it’s there for us to learn from. Memories help us avoid making the same mistakes again. But just because there are things in those memories that might be sour doesn’t mean they should sour our whole life. You won’t feel better if you hurt Julie.’

‘Yes, I will.’ There was a stubborn set to his jaw.

‘Okay,’ I conceded, ‘maybe you’ll feel better for a while, but it won’t last. Guilt will set in sooner or later. After all, Julie didn’t actually hurt you – and she’s carrying around her own guilt. I bet she has those snarky thoughts herself. You know, the ones that keep you awake at night, that your mind keeps churning over and over again.’

‘It’s not enough,’ Jerry spat.

‘Don’t mess yourself up over this,’ I advised. ‘You’re fine. We’re all fine. This life we live now is not the life we lived before. There’s nothing Julie can do now that will hurt you. Hurting her will hurt you in the long run. Give this up. Move on.’

‘I’m not fine,’ he told me.

‘But you will be,’ I answered simply. ‘You’ve been fixating on Julie as someone to blame for all your woes. Sometimes blaming others is helpful, but sometimes it’s not. Now it’s not. Nothing about this new life is easy to deal with. Don’t make it harder, Jerry.’

Indecision warred within him and his eyes shifted back and forth. I was aware of the coiled tension in Monroe. I could only pray that Jerry would make the right choice; I didn’t need more spilled blood to deal with.

In the end he turned to Julie, reached into his pocket, pulled out a small blade and held it up to her face. ‘Remember,’ he said, ‘I could have done this. I could have killed you.’ He pulled back. ‘But I have chosen not to.’ He heaved in a shaky breath. ‘We all pay for our crimes in the end.’

He put the knife away and glanced at Monroe and me. When neither of us moved, he strode over and took his partner’s body, hauling him into a fireman’s lift. He walked towards the exit.

Despite what Jerry may or may not have been about to do, I was glad we were letting him go. He’d stopped himself before things got too bad; he’d listened and reflected and altered his course. Sometimes that was the best any of us could ask for.

The sound of cracking bone filled the space. When I glanced back, Monroe was straightening up. He was human again – as well as naked and surprisingly vulnerable. ‘Wait,’ he called out.

Jerry froze in his tracks.

‘I’ll give you a lift home,’ Monroe said gruffly. ‘Your friend is in no state to be carried through the streets, not with all the beasties around. We’ll clear this place out later. You don’t need a back-up hiding place. We’re all going to look after each other in the north. We’re a community, when all is said and done.’

I blinked, surprised. Then I smiled.

Jerry slowly turned. ‘I’m shocked you care,’ he said.

‘Well, I do,’ Monroe muttered. He gave me a fleeting glance. ‘I’ve not been doing a very good job lately. It’s time that changed.’ He took a shaky breath. ‘We all need to put the past behind us if we’re to move on.’

We stayed where we were, none of us speaking but all of us appreciating a shared moment of total understanding.

‘He would never actually have hurt me,’ Julie said, breaking the spell. ‘They were arguing before you got here. The other one thought they’d scared me enough and that they should let me go.’ She scoffed. ‘As if they could scare me!’

She’d looked pretty scared