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we hadn’t had the boys. I know what it would have been; we’d either be broken up or in some strange long-distance relationship. I was supposed to be traveling the world and studying cultures for my Ph.D. He would still be in that lab. It wouldn’t have worked.

But man, it would have been awesome.

I dread the thought of going to bed right now, to lie next to the man I once cautiously planned a future with in my head before one was planned for us. I suddenly remember I have fresh laundry folded on the living room couch. Grabbing my cell phone, I tiptoe over to my favorite dress. It’s just warm enough outside for the paisley boho dress that makes me feel ten years younger. I call Tosha.

“Nat?” She’s clearly in a bar.

“Where are you? I’m coming to meet you for a drink.”

“Woo! Praise the Lord, Natalie Collins is busting out! I’m at The Monkey Bar, you snit, get your ass over here.”

Thank God I can walk there, I’ve got some drinking to do.

Half a block and a world away, I find Tosha smoking outside. Ditching her conservative professional wardrobe, she’s wearing an almost too-short sleeveless black dress with ridiculously high red pumps. I love her.

“And just how often do you and your sexy-ass girlfriend come drinking a thousand feet from my apartment?” I hug Liz—Tosha’s girlfriend—first. She’s wearing red skinny jeans and a black tank. They match but I don’t mention it. They’d kill me.

“A few nights a week. You know that.” Tosha smacks my butt as we head inside to the glorious noise of anything but toddler screams and marriage cries.

Table of Contents

Dedication

White (Carrie)

Chapter Two: The First Hour

Are you the wife? (Carrie)

A dream? (Ray)

Chapter Three: The Second Hour

Nothing to play with (Carrie)

A thousand times worse (Ray)

Chapter Four: The Third Hour

Life is cheap (Ray)

Chapter Five: Nine Months Ago (First Date)

Are we doing okay? (Ray)

Snazzy (Carrie)

Chapter Six: Nine Months Ago (Shadows)

Shut up. Kiss me. (Ray)

Um… blueberry (Carrie)

Chapter Seven: The Fifth Hour

No respect at all (Ray)

Routine (Carrie)

Chapter Eight: The Sixth Hour

All that was left (Carrie)

It’s Doctor Babe to you (Ray)

Chapter Nine: Eighteen Months Ago (The Comet of Badakhshan)

Good one, man (Ray)

Comet (Ray)

I’m moving, damn it (Ray)

Chapter Ten: The Seventh Hour

She can have the belt (Carrie)

Chapter Eleven: Eight Months Ago

Not everybody gets a second chance (Carrie)

She’s Deep (Carrie)

Chapter Twelve: Eight Months Ago (New York)

Tell the Army I said hi! (Carrie)

Just a guy from Southie (Ray)

Chapter Thirteen: Eight Months Ago (Parting)

Forever (Carrie)

Chapter Fourteen: The Eighth Hour

Half-Cocked (Ray)

I’ll go to hell with him (Carrie)

Chapter Fifteen: The Ninth Hour

You can’t help Ray anyway (Carrie)

Chapter Sixteen: The Tenth Hour

Shut up. Yes I did (Ray)

I’m waiting for you (Carrie)

Leave my sister alone (Ray)

Chapter Seventeen: The Eleventh Hour

Not over yet (Carrie)

Sarah was gone (Ray)

Chapter Eighteen: Seven Months Ago

Little bits (Carrie)

Chapter Nineteen: Six Months Ago

Falling (Ray)

The Red Queen (Carrie)

Free to go (Ray)

Chapter Twenty: Six Months Ago (Two)

Don’t look back (Carrie)

Out of your system (Ray)

Chapter Twenty-One: Six Months Ago (Three)

My life is falling apart (Carrie)

Would it help if I got out and pushed? (Ray)

My Home (Carrie)

Chapter Twenty-Two: The Twelfth Hour

You need to know (Carrie)

Something to hope for (Ray)

You look like death (Carrie)

Chapter Twenty-Three: The Eighteenth Hour

Just ignore them (Carrie)

You’re awake (Ray)

I don’t see how (Carrie)

Chapter Twenty-Four: Four Months Ago

Including me (Ray)

No more questions (Carrie)

Well, did you? (Ray)

Chapter Twenty-Five: Four Months Ago (Two)

Come to Washington (Carrie)

How come your girl just throws pillows? (Ray)

I can make this whole thing go away (Carrie)

Chapter Twenty-Six: Three Months Ago

It’s a secret (Ray)

Why can’t I just wear shorts and a t-shirt? (Carrie)

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Three Months Ago (Two)

They’re coming (Ray)

It ain’t right (Carrie)

Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Twentieth Hour

Fading (Ray)

I don’t either (Carrie)

Let’s play army (Ray)

Almost toxic (Carrie)

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Four Days Ago

We ready? (Carrie)

Grounds for an appeal (Ray)

Chapter Thirty: Four Days Ago (Two)

Sherman went nuts (Carrie)

What about you, college boy? (Ray)

It’s … a letter (Carrie)

Chapter Thirty-One: The Twenty-Fourth Hour

Is this your real hand? (Ray)

What are they telling you? (Carrie)

What I had to do (Ray)

Chapter Thirty-Two: The Last Hour

You tell the truth (Carrie)

I wish (Ray)

Epilogue

The thing I’d been waiting for (Ray)

Author’s Note

Copyright

In The Stillness by Andrea Randall

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