Master Flea by E. T. A. Hoffmann (drm ebook reader .txt) 📕

Gamaheh⁠—for the reader has long ago known that these were one and the same person apparently split into three⁠—it is, on the contrary, quite requisite to narrowly portray the little monster that sat upon the counterpane, and caused so much terror to Mr. Peregrine Tyss.

As already mentioned, the creature was scarcely a span long. In his bird-shaped head gleamed a pair of round sparkling eyes, and from his sparrow beak protruded a long sharp thing like a rapier, while two horns came out from the forehead close below the beak. The neck began close under the head also, in the manner of a bird, but grew thicker and thicker, so that without any interruption the former grew to a shapeless body, almost like a hazelnut, and seemed covered with dark-brown scales like the armadillo. But the strangest part was the formation of the arms and legs; the two former had joints, and were rooted in the creature’s cheeks, close by the beak; immediately under these arms was a pair of legs, and still farther on another pair, both double-jointed like the arms. These last feet appeared to be those on which the creature really relied, for besides that they were longer and stronger than the others, he wore upon them very handsome golden boots with diamond spurs.

The little monster having so completely vanished upon Peregrine’s attempt to seize it, he would have taken the whole for an illusion of his excited fancy, if directly afterwards a thin voice had not been audible, exclaiming:

“Good heavens! Mr. Peregine Tyss! have I really been mistaken in you? Yesterday you acted so nobly towards me, and now that I want to show my gratitude, you grasp at me with a murderous hand! But perhaps my form displeased you, and I did wrong in showing myself to you microscopically, that you might be sure to see me, which, as you may well suppose, is no such easy matter; in fact, I am still sitting upon your white counterpane, and yet you cannot perceive me. Don’t take it amiss, Peregrine, but, in truth, your optical nerves are a little too gross for my thin form. Only promise me, however, that I shall be safe with you, and that you will not make any hostile attempts upon me, and I will come close to you and tell you many things, which it would be as well that you knew now.”

“In the first place,” replied Mr. Tyss to the voice, “tell me, my good unknown friend, who you are; the rest will easily follow of itself. In the meantime I can assure you beforehand, that anything hostile is not at all in my disposition, and that I will continue to act nobly towards you, though at present I cannot comprehend in what way I have evinced my nobleness. Keep, however, your incognito, for your appearance is not the most agreeable.”

The voice, after a little hemming and coughing, continued, “You are, I repeat it with pleasure, a noble man, Mr. Peregrine, but not particularly deep in science, and above all, a little inexperienced, or you would have recognised me at the first glance. I might boast a little and say that I am one of the mightiest of kings, and rule over many, many millions, but from a natural modesty, and because, after all, the expression ‘king’ is not exactly correct, I will pass it over. Amongst the people, at whose head I have the honour to be, a republican constitution prevails. A senate, which at most can consist of forty-five thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine members, for the greater facility of voting, holds the place of regent, and he who presides over this senate has the name of master, because, in all the affairs of life, he must really be a master. Without farther circumlocution, I will now confess to you that I, who now speak to you without your seeing me, am none other than this Master Flea. That you know my people I do not make the least doubt, for most assuredly, worthy sir, you have already nourished many of them with your own blood. Hence you must needs be aware that they are animated by an untameable love of freedom, and indeed are a set of springalds, who are inclined to keep off anything like solidity of form by a continual leaping and skipping. You will easily perceive what talents must be requisite to govern such a people, and will therefore feel for me a becoming respect. Assure me of that, Mr. Peregrine, before I proceed any farther.”

For some moments it seemed to Mr. Tyss as if a great mill wheel were turning round in his head, but he soon became more composed, and began to think that the appearance of the strange lady at the bookbinder’s was just as wonderful as the present one, which was perhaps, after all, nothing more than a natural continuation of the singular history in which he had become involved. He therefore declared to Master Flea that he respected him prodigiously for his uncommon talents, and was the more anxious to know him better, as his voice sounded very sweetly, and there was a certain delicacy in his speech which betrayed a delicate form of body, whereat Master Flea continued:

“I thank you much, my best Mr. Tyss, for your favourable opinion, and hope soon to convince you that you are not mistaken in me. In the meantime, that you may learn what service you have rendered me, it is requisite that I should impart to you my whole history. Know then that my father was the renowned⁠ ⁠… (Yet stay; it just occurs to me that the beautiful gift of patience has become remarkably rare of late amongst readers and auditors, and that copious memoirs, once so much admired, are now detestable: I will therefore touch lightly and episodically that part only which is more immediately connected with my abode with you.)⁠ ⁠… In knowing that I am really Master Flea, you must know me for a man