See Under by David Grossman (famous ebook reader TXT) 📕

write on all the streets of Warsaw, the capital, the word ‘luminous,’ a kind of system I myself devised, here in this forehead! And they call me calf. Nu, well, why should I be angry, shortly my lot will no longer be with theirs, a different world awaits me, a world of winged beings! Of angels! Do you see? Come closer! Don’t be shy! Come closer and look at the map! Here now, everywhere I rubbed but controlled myself I drew a little Star of David, and here, all along Gensha Street and Lubctzky Street I have most of an L, and from Nizka and Zamanoff Streets I almost fashioned an entire U, but I will fill that out soon on Wellinska Street … and the I is still faulty. Now do you understand, sir?” Fried: “Bozhe moi! And that’s what you do to my sheep! You play with them to control yourself? And for that you think God will take you in?” Munin: “Oh yes, your honor, nu, at long last this Gentile is catching on. With us, with us Jews—” Fricd: “Will you stop making up stories! I, too, am a Jew!” Munin: “Your honor is one of ours? One of us? And I never knew! Welcome home! You don’t look it, though … and Mrs. Paula shares a room with you … who would have guessed?! One of ours! Nu, now I can explain wholeheartedly. One of us. Think of that! And so you probably know, sir, that even wicked thoughts, if properly exploited, become a kind of Grandfather Archimedes lever, a kind of eagle organ, an awakening of the soul. You are a little tired. Sit here on the rocks … (A Jew he may be, but he thinks like a Gentile) … Yes, and now you understand, sir, what I intend to do; from childhood I have had the evil inclination, and I suffered torments, and I was small and pitiful. A little fertel. Andan organ I had, nu, as tiny as the prayer for dew and rain in the little siddur! But my inclination, ha! Like fire in the bones, my wicked thoughts disturbed the prayers and mitzvahs, and though my parents of blessed memory took great pains to find me a wife, the thoughts would not leave me … and my poor wife was very sorry for me, she was weak and could not satisfy half my desires … and in the end I ran away. I deserted her, a living widow with six chicks, because a voice said unto me, Go, go, run away, a wanderer you will be in the land; yes yes, I will not weary you further, Doctor (it’s clear he’s an ignorant Jew, a head that never lay tefillin!), and I only hope that my deeds are deemed worthy by the Holy One, blessed be He, because even the Holy Ari of Safed said that the Torah has seventy facets, each of which is revealed in its generation and time, but it has six times more that number of facets, and every son of Israel has his own secret way of reading the Torah, as a living body adhering to the holy speech, a secret way that envelops the roots of the individual soul in the upper spheres, known to him alone, yes, and each man worships God according to his way and manner, and I in my way, this is my prayer, I know no other, and perhaps of me it was written that prayer is the arrow shot heavenward, and this because it is not the evil inclination I believed it to be in my youth but a holy angel, as Rabbi Nachman says, as one who has known God has this evil inclination which must be overcome and tempered with justice, till it becomes goodness, as the candlelight shines and the wick that turns to fire is destroyed, so the light of the Shekhina shines on the godly soul by destroying the bestial soul and turning it from darkness to light, and from bitter to sweet among the saintly ones, and do not think, your honor (A Jew! Who would believe it!), that it is easy to do that which I have taken upon myself! It is not at all easy! And sometimes so much control could make a person lose his mind! And there are other dangers, too …” Fried: “Dangers?” Munin: “Dangers, grave dangers indeed! What did you suppose, sir? Lilith, cursed be her name, dogs me, hoping a drop of sperm will hatch her some demons, the holy lambs! And every time I put my hand out to my little shofar she flies out of hell with a whistle, wheeeee! But I, as you already know, control myself. I bite my cheeks! Any second … but I control myself! And I am not obliged to perform a penance, as do those wretches who yield to temptation and spill their seed!” Fried: “Enough! Shut up! My head is splitting from all your talk! Howlong have you … that is, how many years have you—” Munin: “Controlled myself? More than seven years, your honor, since everything went bad.”

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1. See under: LOVE

2. An unusual discussion on the topic took place between Wasserman and Neigel while Dr. Fried was plunged in grief and longing for his Paula, who had died [see under: EDUCATION], and Marcus drew the doctor’s attention to the “sad and banal contradiction in our nature”; that is, “All the powers of love, all the mighty forces of passion, and at whom do we aim them? At a single soul, a smile, a dimple, a mere cluster of habits and opinions, a whim-filled bag of flesh, it would seem. How wonderful it is, ah, how wonderful: one person loves another person. Nothing more and nothing less.” At this point Wasserman put down his notebook and sank in thought. Then he began to tell Neigel things which were