Just William by Richmal Crompton (funny books to read TXT) 📕

gait and complexions intended to represent those of the aborigines of South America, they had even turned their attention to kidnapping (without any striking success), and these occupations had palled.

In all its activities the Society of Outlaws (comprising four members) aimed at a simple, unostentatious mode of procedure. In their shrinking from the glare of publicity they showed an example of unaffected modesty that many other public societies might profitably emulate. The parents of the members were unaware of the very existence of the society. The ill-timed and tactless interference of parents had nipped in the bud many a cherished plan, and by bitter experience the Outlaws had learnt that secrecy was their only protection. Owing to the rules and restrictions of an unsympathetic world that orders school hours from 9 to 4 their meetings were confined to half-holidays and occasionally Sunday afternoons.

William, the ever ingenious, made the first suggestion.

“Let’s shoot things with bows an’ arrows same as real outlaws used to,” he said.

“What things?” and

“What bows an’ arrows?” said Henry and Ginger simultaneously.

“Oh, anything⁠—birds an’ cats an’ hens an’ things⁠—an’ buy bows an’ arrows. You can buy them in shops.”

“We can make them,” said Douglas, hopefully.

“Not like you can get them in shops. They’d shoot crooked or sumthin’ if we made them. They’ve got to be jus’ so to shoot straight. I saw some in Brook’s window, too, jus’ right⁠—jus’ same as real outlaws had.”

“How much?” said the outlaws breathlessly.

“Five shillings⁠—targets for learnin’ on before we begin shootin’ real things an’ all.”

“Five shillings!” breathed Douglas. He might as well have said five pounds. “We’ve not got five shillings. Henry’s not having any money since he broke their drawing-room window an’ Ginger only has 3d. a week an’ has to give collection an’ we’ve not paid for the guinea pig yet, the one that got into Ginger’s sister’s hat an’ she was so mad at, an’⁠—”

“Oh, never mind all that,” said William, scornfully. “We’ll jus’ get five shillings.”

“How?”

“Well,” uncertainly, “grownups can always get money when they want it.”

“How?” again.

William disliked being tied down to details.

“Oh⁠—bazaars an’ things,” impatiently.

“Bazaars!” exploded Henry. “Who’d come to a bazaar if we had one? Who would? Jus’ tell me that if you’re so clever! Who’d come to it? Besides, you’ve got to sell things at a bazaar, haven’t you? What’d we sell? We’ve got nothin’ to sell, have we? What’s the good of havin’ a bazaar with nothin’ to sell and no one to buy it? Jus’ tell me that!”

Henry always enjoyed scoring off William.

“Well⁠—shows an’ things,” said William desperately.

There was a moment’s silence, then Ginger repeated thoughtfully. “Shows!” and Douglas, whose eldest brother was home from college for his vacation, murmured self-consciously, “By Jove!”

“We could do a show,” said Ginger. “Get animals an’ things an’ charge money for lookin’ at them.”

“Who’d pay it?” said Henry, the doubter.

“Anyone would. You’d pay to see animals, wouldn’t you?⁠—real animals. People do at the Zoo, don’t they? Well, we’ll get some animals. That’s easy enough, isn’t it?”

A neighbouring church clock struck four and the meeting was adjourned.

“Well, we’ll have a show an’ get money and buy bows an’ arrows an’ shoot things,” summed up William, “an we’ll arrange the show next week.”

William returned home slowly and thoughtfully. He sat on his bed, his hands in his pockets, his brow drawn into a frown, his thoughts wandering in a dreamland of wonderful “shows” and rare exotic beasts.

Suddenly from the next room came a thin sound that gathered volume till it seemed to fill the house like the roaring of a lion, then died gradually away and was followed by silence. But only for a second. It began again⁠—a small whisper that grew louder and louder, became a raucous bellow, then faded slowly away to rise again after a moment’s silence. In the next room William’s mother’s Aunt Emily was taking her afternoon nap. Aunt Emily had come down a month ago for a week’s visit and had not yet referred to the date of her departure. William’s father was growing anxious. She was a stout, healthy lady, who spent all her time recovering from a slight illness she had had two years ago. Her life held two occupations, and only two. These were eating and sleeping. For William she possessed a subtle but irresistible fascination. Her stature, her appetite, her gloom, added to the fact that she utterly ignored him, attracted him strongly.

The tea bell rang and the sound of the snoring ceased abruptly. This entertainment over, William descended to the dining-room, where his father was addressing his mother with some heat.

“Is she going to stay here forever, or only for a few years? I’d like to know, because⁠—”

Perceiving William, he stopped abruptly, and William’s mother murmured:

“It’s so nice to have her, dear.”

Then Aunt Emily entered.

“Have you slept well, Aunt?”

“Slept!” repeated Aunt Emily majestically. “I hardly expect to sleep in my state of health. A little rest is all I can expect.”

“Sorry you’re no better,” said William’s father sardonically.

“Better?” she repeated again indignantly. “It will be a long time before I’m better.”

She lowered her large, healthy frame into a chair, carefully selected a substantial piece of bread and butter and attacked it with vigour.

“I’m going to the post after tea,” said William’s mother. “Would you care to come with me?”

Aunt Emily took a large helping of jam.

“You hardly expect me to go out in the evening in my state of health, surely? It’s years since I went out after tea. And I was at the post office this morning. There were a lot of people there, but they served me first. I suppose they saw I looked ill.”

William’s father choked suddenly and apologised, but not humbly.

“Though I must say,” went on Aunt Emily, “this place does suit me. I think after a few months here I should be a little stronger. Pass the jam, William.”

The glance that William’s father fixed upon her would have made a stronger woman quail, but Aunt Emily was scraping out the last remnants of