The Man Who Wasn't All There by David Handler (book recommendations website TXT) 📕

‘I wasn’t where, Austin?’

He didn’t respond. Just kept shoveling his way through the carton of ice cream.

‘How did you get away from your house?’

He smirked at me. ‘I just left, that’s how. Dr McKenna has a downstairs bedroom set up like a sanitarium, OK? After the soldier boys had cleaned me up they gave me a pair of pajamas, got me into bed and her nurse, who wasn’t my usual nurse, gave me a pill to knock me out. Told me I needed to get some rest, like I’m an idiot boy.’ He smirked at me again. ‘What she didn’t know is I’ve spent so many years in hospitals taking pills that I’m an expert at hiding them between my cheek and gum. I pretended to swallow it and then spit it out after she’d drawn the curtains and left me there. Chilled for a while so they’d all think I was asleep and pay no attention to me. Then I sprang into action. They’d locked me in but get this – I have a key to unlock the door. Dr McKenna’s never known that because I’ve never needed to use it. But I had to use it today. Had to get back out on patrol. I mean, I have a mission now, understand?’

‘Sure, I understand.’

He finished the carton of ice cream, scraping the bottom of the empty carton with his spoon before he shoved it away. ‘I keep it hidden in the desk. The key, I mean. I tiptoed to the door, unlocked it and snuck a peek outside. Dr McKenna was on the phone in the living room with her back to me. The soldier boys were playing poker in the dining room. Their lame guard dog was fast asleep under the table. Didn’t so much as stir. What a joke. The nurse was rustling around in the kitchen. Nobody was paying any attention to my room. Didn’t think they had to because they’re so smart and I’m so stupid.’

‘So what was your next move?’

‘I tiptoed into the laundry room and found my uniform in there, freshly laundered and folded. My wallet, money, sneakers and everything were piled right there. So was my belt, with my weapon and my nightstick, which the soldier boys didn’t even bother to confiscate. That’s how seriously they take me.’ He cackled at me shrewdly. ‘Well, I showed them. Got dressed quick as can be, slipped out the laundry-room door and jumped in my car, which was sitting right there, keys in the ignition. I was gone before they knew what hit them.’

‘They must have heard you drive away. Are they out looking for you?’

Austin’s face fell. He started blinking back tears again. ‘Everyone is out looking for me. I–I did a bad thing.’

‘Are you going to tell me what you did, Austin?’

‘See, I–I started feeling hungry while I–I was out on patrol …’ He began breathing so raggedly he was almost panting. ‘So I stopped at the Old Lyme Beach Club, which was co-founded by my great-great-grandfather. I have privileges there for life. It’s mostly closed up for the season but they still serve lunch out on the deck and make the best lobster roll on the shoreline. I–I parked and went around to the take-out window to order one. While I was waiting I looked out at the deck and guess what I see? Two young guys sitting at a table holding hands, hugging and … and kissing. At the beach club. My beach club.’

I listened, nodding. He seemed just a teeny bit obsessed about the gay thing. I’m no shrink, and I don’t play one on TV, but I couldn’t help wonder if he was a repressed gay himself. Annabeth McKenna would no doubt have an opinion about that. ‘What did you do, Austin?’

‘I approached them and ordered them to leave the premises at once. In response they laughed at me in a highly disrespectful manner. I drew my weapon and ordered them once again. When one of them advised me to “go screw myself” I discharged my weapon and blew a hole in his friend’s left shoulder.’ Austin started to weep again. ‘God, there was blood everywhere. I–I didn’t mean to hit him, I swear. I just wanted to scare him. But I missed.’

‘Good thing you didn’t miss a few inches to the left or you would have killed him.’

‘God, don’t say that!’

‘Resident Trooper Conley said he’d made sure the firing pin was removed from your gun.’

Austin nodded readily. ‘He had. It was. But I took it back up to Old Tom and got him to restore it for me.’

‘How much did that cost you?’

‘Why do you care?’

‘Because Old Tom knows perfectly well why it was removed. I’m curious what his price was. I’m a writer, remember? Details interest me.’

‘Ten thou in cash.’

‘You carry that kind of cash around?’

‘Always. I don’t trust banks.’

‘He could have asked you for much more than that.’

‘Probably, but that’s what he asked for and that’s what he got.’

‘The man’s disreputable but not greedy. Fascinating, isn’t it?’ On his silence I said, ‘So what happened after you fired the shot?’

‘People went crazy, what do you think? Everybody was running around screaming their heads off. I–I made a mad dash for my car and got the hell out of there fast. The one thing I knew for sure was I had to see Miss Nash. She’s the only person who can help me.’ He sat there in stricken silence, shaking his somewhat largish head. ‘Except now you tell me she’s in Czechoslovakia.’

‘Hungary.’

‘Can you phone her? I have to explain to her what happened. She’ll understand. She’ll help me.’

‘I hate to disillusion you, Austin, but Merilee was just playing a character in a movie. In real life, she can’t help you. It’s Dr McKenna who can, and I’m guessing she’s really worried about you right now. I think we should phone her and let her know that you’re OK. What do you say?’

Austin’s chest heaved, his