Amber by Heather Burnside (fb2 epub reader .txt) 📕

her jump in shock and drop it. She quickly switched it off and put that on the bed as well.

Amy was just about to take out another item when she heard voices coming from downstairs. She wondered who her brother could be talking to; perhaps he was on the phone. But then one of the voices drew closer and she recognised it instantly as her mother’s.

As soon as Amy heard, ‘I’ll go and see what your sister’s up to,’ she panicked.

Her first thought was to put the shoes away and remove the makeup. She quickly shoved the high heels inside the wardrobe and shut the door. Then she thought about the makeup; her mother would be furious if she knew she’d been using it. Amy tried to wipe it off as quickly as she could using the back of her hand but when she looked in the mirror, she found that all she had managed to do was to smear it across her face.

Her clown-like reflection in the mirror almost reduced her to tears of desperation but then she spotted a box of cosmetic tissues on the dressing table and grabbed one. She was rubbing away at the makeup when the bedroom door opened and in walked her mother with an expression of fury emblazoned across her face.

‘Just what the bloody hell do you think you’re up to, young lady?’ her mother raged.

Amy stared at her, open-mouthed in shock and with her bottom lip trembling, but she was unable to utter any words of defence. As well as guilt she was besieged by a feeling of shame, which was emphasised by her outlandish appearance.

‘How dare you interfere with my things? How many times have I told you not to go in my room without my permission? And do you realise how bloody ridiculous you look?’

Her mother was furious, and Amy felt afraid. She had rarely seen her mother this angry and it startled her; normally she was so nice to her. She opened her mouth to speak again. ‘Sorry, Mummy,’ she managed in a tiny voice.

‘Don’t you bloody Mummy me. You’re nine years of age, not a baby. You should know better!’

Then Loretta’s eyes shot to something on the bed and she glared at the items as though she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. She marched across the room and grabbed hold of the weird toys, pushing them into the bottom drawer as she continued to remonstrate with Amy.

‘You shouldn’t be looking at things like this. For God’s sake! These are private. They’re not for little girls.’

Her voice was loud and whiny, and Amy picked up on her distress. As she drew nearer Amy could also smell the alcohol on her breath and could tell something about her was different. She had that strange face she got after drinking wine where her cheeks were flushed and puffy.

‘I’m sorry, M-mum. I won’t do it again. Honest.’

Loretta swung around, the look of anger on her face now suffused with something else. Guilt? Embarrassment? Amy couldn’t put the right words to it. She didn’t know what it meant but it was all a bit strange. She had never seen her mother like this before and it was scaring her.

‘You bet you bloody won’t because you’re staying in your room for the rest of tonight and all of tomorrow, too. Now get out of my sight and get my bloody makeup off your face. You look pathetic!’

Amy shuffled out of the room, her eyes downcast and filled with tears. Once inside her own room she let the tears spill over and carried on crying for a while. It wasn’t the fact that she had been caught out that had upset her; it was the way her mother had reacted. Amy was already aware that she was second best to Nathan, and she feared that this would only make matters worse.

Something major had just happened. Amy wasn’t sure exactly what, but she did know that she had really upset her mother. Why? What had she done that was so bad? She had only wanted to have a look. She couldn’t understand why her mother was so angry. If she hadn’t come back early, she would never have even known that she had been trying her things on. Then she puzzled over why her mother had come back so early. Perhaps she had had a falling-out with her latest boyfriend. It wouldn’t be the first time.

With that thought in mind Amy settled down to get some sleep. But she couldn’t help but fret over what had just happened. She was convinced there was something not quite right. There was a whole secret side to her mother’s life, and the world inhabited by adults seemed alien to her at times. Her mother’s scolding had unsettled Amy so much that she wasn’t sure she wanted to become a grown-up anymore. And she certainly didn’t want to do the things that grown-ups did if that’s how they made you feel.

16

September 2015

Amber was surprised to see an open bottle of pills on the coffee table when she walked into the living room the following afternoon. Before she had chance to check what they were, her brother, Nathan, walked in carrying a glass of water and snatched them away.

‘Keep your fuckin’ mitts off,’ he hissed.

Amber looked at Nathan who was as dark as she was fair. He took after his father in appearance, which their mother was fond of reminding them. Nathan had classic good looks with strong, well-defined features and was just above average height. He was also better dressed than she was and kept himself well groomed.

She didn’t want to get into a confrontation with him. Still tired and unsettled from the previous night, Amber just wanted to grab something to eat before she got ready for work again, so she tried to ignore his aggressive attitude as she said, ‘Oh, it’s you. Where’s Mum?’

‘Out shopping for food. I know, I couldn’t fuckin’ believe it