Amber by Heather Burnside (fb2 epub reader .txt) 📕

Amber knew that meant there wouldn’t be much food in the house again until her mother returned, and she resigned herself to grabbing something from a takeaway while she was out. Nathan swallowed down two pills with the glass of water.

‘What the fuck did you want with headache tablets anyway?’ he asked. ‘I thought coke was more your style.’ Amber’s eyes shot up in surprise. ‘Oh yeah, don’t think I didn’t fuckin’ know. I’ve seen all that shit in your bedroom, and the lighter and spoon. I’m not stupid. But you are. Don’t you know crack is the most potent form of cocaine?’

Amber knew full well the effects of crack. She had graduated to it after snorting coke for some time and now she took both. But she wasn’t going to get into a conversation with Nathan about it.

‘You shouldn’t be in my fuckin’ room! Keep out.’

‘I’ll do what the fuck I want seeing as how I’m the only person who works for a living in this shithole.’

Amber was sick to death of hearing about his job, which he’d started a couple of years ago after graduating from university. He had been bad enough to live with before but now that he was working as a trainee accountant, he had become unbearable. Every chance he got he was denigrating her lifestyle and lording it over her.

‘I work too,’ she snapped.

‘If you can call that work! Up to date with your tax and national insurance, are you? No, I thought not because you don’t fuckin’ pay any, do you? What’s your job description anyway? Tart? Slapper? Dirty fuckin’ junkie who’ll do anything to feed her habit.’

Nathan was really starting to annoy her. ‘Shut the fuck up!’ she yelled.

‘No, I won’t. You make me fuckin’ sick. Do you realise what it’s like to have a family like you two? Why do you think I never bring anyone back? Because I’m too ashamed, that’s why. Look at the state of the place. I would have thought at least one of you could clean it up once in a while.’

‘Why don’t you fuckin’ clean it up?’

‘Because it isn’t up to me. Like I said, I work for a living!’

Amber had had enough. ‘Don’t take it out on me just because you don’t fuckin’ feel well. It’s alright to be given the chance of a fancy education so you can get a good job, isn’t it? But I never had that fuckin’ chance!’

She was screaming at him now and tears of fury were threatening to erupt. But she didn’t get any sympathy from Nathan who had always refused to see things from her point of view.

He was just about to retaliate when their mother walked into the house. ‘Oh, I can’t be fuckin’ doing with her as well,’ he muttered before he stormed out.

‘What’s wrong with him?’ asked Loretta as she passed the living room door laden with shopping. Then, before Amber had chance to answer, she carried on, ‘Help me get this lot away will you, love?’

Amber followed her into the kitchen and began unpacking the bags. Her mother left her to it and went upstairs. Great, thought Amber who had been planning to get ready for work. But at least now she could have something to eat before she left the house.

A quick scan of the shopping bags left her disappointed. There were just a few essentials, but it was enough for her to make a sandwich and a cup of tea, so she quickly rustled them up then went through to the living room. Her mother hadn’t come back downstairs yet so she sat alone for some minutes, still reeling from the argument she’d had with her brother.

She hated the way he acted towards her and for a few moments she sat thinking about the injustice of it all. How she wished she’d had the same opportunities as Nathan. She’d always known from a young age that her mother viewed them both differently and as time went on Amber had grown to resent it more and more. She wished she could break away from the drugs and not have to resort to prostitution. But she couldn’t. She was stuck with it and there was no escape.

17

January 1998

Amy had heard about nothing else but Dale from her mother for the past few weeks. Sean was now a distant memory as were the various other men who had filled Loretta’s life since her split with him months ago. Dale was apparently an executive for a company that imported machinery and, although Amy wasn’t exactly sure what that entailed, she could tell that her mother was very proud of that fact.

Her mother had been so much happier since she met Dale, and Amy loved it when her mother was happy and being nice to her and Nathan. She also knew that his presence in Loretta’s life would mean better food, more gifts and other goodies. Amy cast her mind back to her tenth birthday several weeks prior, recalling her disappointment when she hadn’t received the presents she really wanted, and she couldn’t help but share her mother’s enthusiasm for her potential new ‘uncle’.

It was now the day on which Loretta had decided her children should meet the new man in her life and, at her insistence, they were wearing their best clothes in readiness for his arrival. Loretta had made a special effort and cooked a three-course Italian meal, harking back to a more prosperous time of dinner parties with well-to-do professional types.

‘Now don’t forget, Amy,’ said her mother, ‘I don’t want anything out of place. Dale is a really special man and we need to make sure that we create a good impression.’

As Amy set the table, Nathan sat watching, his irritation evident as Loretta straightened his hair, and he continuously tried to pull the collar of his too-tight shirt away from his throat.

‘Aw, Mum,’ he complained. ‘Can’t I undo the top button?’

‘No, Nathan, I’ve told you before, you’re to keep it