Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never by Lancaster, Jen (e books free to read .txt) 📕

I follow along behind him into the bedroom where we find Maisy and Loki fast asleep on the bed. Nice watchdogs, eh? But if a squirrel had tried to break in, we’d be telling a different story right about now.

I climb into my side of the bed. “I’m not claiming that the Java Chip Blended Beverage is responsible for two idiots attempting to gain entry to our home.”

He yawns and stretches and resets our house alarm before getting into bed. “That’s for a judge to decide.”

I puff my pillow and pull up the covers, attempting to eke out the portion of the bed not covered in dog. “All I’m saying is that I worry that our culturally cavalier attitude towards the basic rules could lead us down the slippery slope to complete and total anarchy.”

Fletch gives me a kiss and turns out his light. “That’s a lot to ponder… especially without your good aluminum-foil thinkin’ cap. But nice work tonight. You were very brave.”

“Thank you.”

We lie there in the dark and I can hear his breathing slow as he begins to drift off.

“Hey, Fletch?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I can bring coffee to the trial?”

“I guess we’ll find out.”

But we don’t find out because I write down the wrong date and I miss my day in court.

I guess the tweakers got their miracle after all.

Reluctant Adult Lesson Learned:

If you don’t want to be a victim, employ Constant Vigilance™… and buy a datebook.

C·H·A·P·T·E·R S·E·V·E·N

Generation Y Don’t You Do It for Me?

My professional career began when I graduated from college and landed a position at an HMO. Unlike most of my Gen X peers, I was actually able to nab a job that didn’t require wearing an apron and black Reeboks, so I was thrilled. [Kids, this recession ain’t our first rodeo.]

I’ll always be grateful to my friend’s mom who worked for the HMO. She was kind enough to give my résumé directly to the hiring manager instead of having to navigate HR. The introduction got me in the door and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it.

In 1996, Larry Page and Sergey Brin were a couple of nerdy PhD students kicking around the Stanford campus while I was getting ready to graduate. It would be a solid two years until they got their first round of venture capital to start up the company that eventually became Google. What I’m saying is that researching a company wasn’t as easy as typing a few lines into a search engine back then. I couldn’t ping the Dun & Bradstreet database on my Android phone nor could I Facebook stalk the hiring manager to find our common ground, like how she was really into Bob Mould and ER.

Everything I knew about the HMO came from me skulking around the basement of the Purdue University libraries, scanning sheet after sheet of microfiche. Information was hard to come by back then, so the onus was on me to sell myself because I wasn’t impressing anyone with my mad library skills. I spent days poring over my management textbooks and practicing sample interview questions.

Ultimately, I was successful in being hired on my own merits.

Turns out, even though I got the job, I hated the job. For six months, my professional life revolved around keeping the physician provider manual up-to-date and my days were endless, filled with calling office staffs to inquire if they were located on Sheridan Street or Sheridan Road. It was crazy-making and I wonder if I wouldn’t have been happier as a waitress. At least I’d get a shift drink at the end of the day.

Around that time, my friend’s mom landed an incredible gig at a top-tier consulting firm and it was everything everyone in my company dreamed about. I’m talking serious Golden Ticket here. As I watched her pack her desk, all I could say was, “Take me with you!”

To which she replied simply, “You’re not ready. You need to serve your time here before you can move on.”

As I’ve built my career, first as an executive, and then as an author, I’ve never forgotten that piece of advice.

I don’t know what it’s like to be searching for a job now right out of college. In a lot of ways, because of access to information, it has to be easier than trawling around a basement, squinting at microfiche. And yet, because technology’s leveled the playing field, it must be challenging as well, so I respect anyone who takes a creative approach in trying to make it. When it’s appropriate and when I can, I do my best to help those who ask.

What I don’t respect is the portion of Generation Y—and to be clear, I believe it’s only a portion and that there are plenty who shouldn’t be painted with this brush—who’ve grown so lazy and entitled that they can’t even be bothered to try.

That brings me to Ashley.

Ashley embodies everything I loathe about the Millennials. Following, you’ll find the letter she blast-e-mailed to a number of successful contemporary authors [Including me.] a couple of years ago. (My comments are in italics.)

Hi, my name is Ashley and I’m currently working on my first novel. Writing a novel has always been a dream of mine, but I’m pretty nervous and worried that I’m going to fail. I was hoping that you would answer the following questions for me, to help me get started?

1. How do you develop your characters? Are they people you know?

I write nonfiction which seems like it would be obvious by the word “memoir” on the cover of each of my books, but apparently not. Since I write about real people, the characters pretty much develop themselves.

2. How do you come up with their names?

Really, most of the credit goes to their parents.

3. Did you have any formal training in order to become a writer? Classes? A degree?

Yes.

4. How do you get ideas for stories?

How do