In the middle of the 1885 Serbo-Bulgarian war, an enemy soldier escapes a cavalry charge by climbing up a drainpipe into Raina Petkoff’s room. Raina is the daughter of one Major and engaged to another, but she chooses to save the soldier’s life by concealing him.
Arms and the Man, named after the opening lines of Virgil’sThe Aeneid, is a play that humorously deals with the hypocrisy of humanity and the stupidity of war. It was among George Bernard Shaw’s first commercial successes, and was included in a collection of plays he referred to as Plays Pleasant, along with Candida, You Never Can Tell, and The Man of Destiny. Having coined the term “chocolate soldier,” the play has been staged multiple times in London’s West End and on Broadway, and has been adapted into operetta and film.
Catherine downstairs as polite as you please to me, telling me not to mind the Major being a little impatient; for they knew what a good servant I was—after making a fool and a liar of me before them all! The twenty will go to our savings; and you shall have the ten to spend if you’ll only talk to me so as to remind me I’m a human being. I get tired of being a servant occasionally.
Louka
Scornfully. Yes: sell your manhood for thirty levas, and buy me for ten! Keep your money. You were born to be a servant. I was not. When you set up your shop you will only be everybody’s servant instead of somebody’s servant.
Nicola
Picking up his logs, and going to the stove. Ah, wait till you see. We shall have our evenings to ourselves; and I shall be master in my own house, I promise you. He throws the logs down and kneels at the stove.
Louka
You shall never be master in mine. She sits down on Sergius’s chair.
Nicola
Turning, still on his knees, and squatting down rather forlornly, on his calves, daunted by her implacable disdain. You have a great ambition in you, Louka. Remember: if any luck comes to you, it was I that made a woman of you.
Louka
You!
Nicola
With dogged self-assertion. Yes, me. Who was it made you give up wearing a couple of pounds of false black hair on your head and reddening your lips and cheeks like any other Bulgarian girl? I did. Who taught you to trim your nails, and keep your hands clean, and be dainty about yourself, like a fine Russian lady? Me! do you hear that? me! She tosses her head defiantly; and he rises, ill-humoredly, adding more coolly, I’ve often thought that if Raina were out of the way, and you just a little less of a fool and Sergius just a little more of one, you might come to be one of my grandest customers, instead of only being my wife and costing me money.
Louka
I believe you would rather be my servant than my husband. You would make more out of me. Oh, I know that soul of yours.
Nicola
Going up close to her for greater emphasis. Never you mind my soul; but just listen to my advice. If you want to be a lady, your present behaviour to me won’t do at all, unless when we’re alone. It’s too sharp and impudent; and impudence is a sort of familiarity: it shows affection for me. And don’t you try being high and mighty with me either. You’re like all country girls: you think it’s genteel to treat a servant the way I treat a stable-boy. That’s only your ignorance; and don’t you forget it. And don’t be so ready to defy everybody. Act as if you expected to have your own way, not as if you expected to be ordered about. The way to get on as a lady is the same as the way to get on as a servant: you’ve got to know your place; that’s the secret of it. And you may depend on me to know my place if you get promoted. Think over it, my girl. I’ll stand by you: one servant should always stand by another.
Louka
Rising impatiently. Oh, I must behave in my own way. You take all the courage out of me with your cold-blooded wisdom. Go and put those logs on the fire: that’s the sort of thing you understand. Before Nicola can retort, Sergius comes in. He checks himself a moment on seeing Louka; then goes to the stove.
Sergius
To Nicola. I am not in the way of your work, I hope.
Nicola
In a smooth, elderly manner. Oh, no, sir, thank you kindly. I was only speaking to this foolish girl about her habit of running up here to the library whenever she gets a chance, to look at the books. That’s the worst of her education, sir: it gives her habits above her station. To Louka. Make that table tidy, Louka, for the Major. He goes out sedately.Louka, without looking at Sergius, begins to arrange the papers on the table. He crosses slowly to her, and studies the arrangement of her sleeve reflectively.
Sergius
Let me see: is there a mark there? He turns up the bracelet and sees the bruise made by his grasp. She stands motionless, not looking at him: fascinated, but on her guard. Ffff! Does it hurt?
Louka
Yes.
Sergius
Shall I cure it?
Louka
Instantly withdrawing herself proudly, but still not looking at him. No. You cannot cure it now.
Sergius
Masterfully. Quite sure? He makes a movement as if to take her in his arms.
Louka
Don’t trifle with me, please. An officer should not trifle with a servant.
Sergius
Touching the arm with a merciless stroke of his forefinger. That was no trifle, Louka.
Louka
No. Looking at him for the first time. Are you sorry?
Sergius
With measured emphasis, folding his arms. I am never sorry.
Louka
Wistfully. I wish I could believe a man could be so unlike a woman as that. I wonder are you really a brave man?
Sergius
Unaffectedly, relaxing his attitude. Yes: I am a brave man. My heart jumped like a woman’s at the first shot; but in the charge I found that I was brave. Yes: that at least is real about me.
Louka
Did you find in the charge that the men whose fathers are poor like mine were any less brave than the men who are rich like you?
Sergius
With bitter levity. Not a bit. They all slashed and cursed and yelled like heroes. Psha! the courage to rage and kill is cheap. I have an English bull terrier who has as much of that sort of courage as the whole
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