Lycan It by S. Yule (notion reading list .txt) 📕

he was? The hurt Damon had caused him over the years was nothing, a tiny speck of dust compared to the pain he felt at this very moment. For a minute, he feared his now broken heart might stutter to a stop.

Her sobbing quieted as she glided her fingers over the area he’d bitten.

“But, I thought—”

“Yeah. I know exactly what you thought.” He turned around and sat on the edge of the mattress and let his feet hit the wood floor. He propped his elbows on his knees and rested his face in his hands.

She was quiet for several minutes before she moved, and he felt the mattress dip beside him. “I’m sorry. I guess I freaked out a little.”

He raised his head from his hands and looked at her. “This just isn’t going to work between us, is it? I want it to more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life, but you aren’t ever going to trust me one hundred percent, are you?”

“It’s not that. I’ve been through so much the past few days. And, when I thought—”

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“When you thought I bit you?” He shook his head and stood. He bent, pulled his jeans on, and watched her from under his lashes. He reached out, cupped the side of her cheek and sighed. “You are a beautiful, sexy, honest, feisty, lovely woman. You have so much to offer the world, and you don’t even know it. I wish with all of my heart that you could trust me, but if you can’t, a relationship between us is impossible.”

“Raze, I didn’t mean to flip out like I did. I just . . .” She chewed her bottom lip and watched him with blue eyes that swam in pools of tears.

“I know, but until I know that you trust me, that you know I would never do anything you didn’t want me to or anything that would hurt you, we can’t continue on with what’s between us. And there is something between us. You can feel it just as I can. I will protect you with my life, and clean up this mess with Damon. After that, you can decide if your life will include me or not.”

Walking away from her was the hardest thing he had ever done. His soul screamed at him to run back to her and tell her he didn’t care if she ever trusted him, didn’t care about anything as long as she stayed with him. She was his true mate, and he’d forever have a void inside his chest if she chose to live without him in her life, but he couldn’t be with her if she didn’t trust him. It wouldn’t be fair to him or her, and maybe he didn’t deserve any better than that, but she sure as hell did.

* * * *

“Tell us a little about Damon, Raze.” Anthony eyed Raze with a cold calm that sent a trickle of foreboding down his spine.

He sat across from Anthony and Brent. The two werewolves were ancients, and while he wasn’t a spring chicken, these two had quite a few years on him. They had been around when the lycan laws had been sacred, when the race had been united as one, and the main goal was to keep all potential mates safe. Raze had the same beliefs, and had struggled with witnessing the things his pack had done after most of them had gone rogue.

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Luckily, he’d held on to his beliefs when most of the chivalry and morality had been brainwashed from those younger and older than he. He’d learned to keep his mouth shut and not draw attention to himself, but when Damon had killed the pack’s old leader and had become the alpha male, things had taken a drastic nose dive to hell. Raze had been plagued by horrible nightmares of the things Damon had done, and had awoken on more than one occasion with screams clawing at the back of his throat.

He’d witnessed so much violence, so much useless cruelty, that he honestly didn’t understand how he’d stayed sane.

“Damon lives for violence. He believes whatever he wants is his for the taking, including all lycan potential mates. He’s brought several women who carried the main scent to our pack over the years. They’ve been horribly used and mistreated. Once Damon and the pack tired of them, they were killed.

Janine is the first to survive.” Raze scrubbed his fingers across his face, wishing he could wipe the things he’d seen from his mind.

He’d tried several times to help the women, to convince Damon that what he was doing was wrong. Those actions always had repercussions, and the repercussions grew harsher every time Raze voiced his concerns. He finally stopped saying anything, as he knew the next time would end in his death. That was when he started trying to escape, but Damon had kept a short leash on him as if he knew what Raze was planning.

“This is why we started the sanctuary. We know there are younger lycans like you stuck in rogue packs. It is near impossible to escape your pack unless you are ancient or have protection on the outside. That is where we come in.

My mate was hunted by rogues for years.” A muscle ticked in Brent’s cheek

“I believe that if we hadn’t escaped when we did, Damon would have taken Janine from me and passed her around to the pack. She would have probably been murdered like the rest.” Raze’s stomach clenched at the thought.

“You did good getting her out and protecting her. You did the right thing.” Anthony stood and leaned his hip against the wall.

“I had to,” Raze whispered.

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“She’s your mate. You had no choice but to try to protect her,” Brent agreed.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t trust me. I told her we shouldn’t be together if she couldn’t.”