The Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio (best classic books of all time txt) 📕

not. May I be strung up by the neck an it have not been stolen from me!’ ‘Good lack!’ cried Bruno. ‘How can that be? I saw it here but yesterday. Thinkest thou to make me believe that it hath flown away?’ Quoth Calandrino, ‘It is as I tell thee.’ ‘Good lack,’ repeated Bruno, ‘can it be?’ ‘Certes,’ replied Calandrino, ‘it is so, more by token that I am undone and know not how I shall return home. My wife will never believe me; or even if she do, I shall have no peace with her this year to come.’ Quoth Bruno, ‘So God save me, this is ill done, if it be true; but thou knowest, Calandrino, I lessoned thee yesterday to say thus and I would not have thee at once cozen thy wife and us.’ Therewithal Calandrino fell to crying out and saying, ‘Alack, why will you drive me to desperation and make me blaspheme God and the Saints? I tell you the pig was stolen from me yesternight.’

Then said Buffalmacco, ‘If it be so indeed, we must cast about for a means of having it again, an we may contrive it.’ ‘But what means,’ asked Calandrino, ‘can we find?’ Quoth Buffalmacco, ‘We may be sure that there hath come none from the Indies to rob thee of thy pig; the thief must have been some one of thy neighbors. An thou canst make shift to assemble them, I know how to work the ordeal by bread and cheese and we will presently see for certain who hath had it.’ ‘Ay,’ put in Bruno, ‘thou wouldst make a fine thing of bread and cheese with such gentry as we have about here, for one of them I am certain hath had the pig, and he would smoke the trap and would not come.’ ‘How, then, shall we do?’ asked Buffalmacco, and Bruno said, ‘We must e’en do it with ginger boluses and good vernage385 and invite them to drink. They will suspect nothing and come, and the ginger boluses can be blessed even as the bread and cheese.’ Quoth Buffalmacco, ‘Indeed, thou sayst sooth. What sayst thou, Calandrino? Shall’s do ’t?’ ‘Nay,’ replied the gull, ‘I pray you thereof for the love of God; for, did I but know who hath had it, I should hold myself half consoled.’ ‘Marry, then,’ said Bruno, ‘I am ready to go to Florence, to oblige thee, for the things aforesaid, so thou wilt give me the money.’ Now Calandrino had maybe forty shillings, which he gave him, and Bruno accordingly repaired to Florence to a friend of his, a druggist, of whom he bought a pound of fine ginger boluses and caused compound a couple of dogballs with fresh confect of hepatic aloes; after which he let cover these latter with sugar, like the others, and set thereon a privy mark by which he might very well know them, so he should not mistake them nor change them. Then, buying a flask of good vernage, he returned to Calandrino in the country and said to him, ‘Do thou tomorrow morning invite those whom thou suspectest to drink with thee; it is a holiday and all will willingly come. Meanwhile, Buffalmacco and I will tonight make the conjuration over the pills and bring them to thee tomorrow morning at home; and for the love of thee I will administer them myself and do and say that which is to be said and done.’

Calandrino did as he said and assembled on the following morning a goodly company of such young Florentines as were presently about the village and of husbandmen; whereupon Bruno and Buffalmacco came with a box of pills and the flask of wine and made the folk stand in a ring. Then said Bruno, ‘Gentlemen, needs must I tell you the reason wherefore you are here, so that, if aught betide that please you not, you may have no cause to complain of me. Calandrino here was robbed yesternight of a fine pig, nor can he find who hath had it; and for that none other than some one of us who are here can have stolen it from him, he proffereth each of you, that he may discover who hath had it, one of these pills to eat and a draught of wine. Now you must know that he who hath had the pig will not be able to swallow the pill; nay, it will seem to him more bitter than poison and he will spit it out; wherefore, rather than that shame be done him in the presence of so many, he were better tell it to the parson by way of confession and I will proceed no farther with this matter.’

All who were there declared that they would willingly eat of the pills, whereupon Bruno ranged them in order and set Calandrino among them; then, beginning at one end of the line, he proceeded to give each his bolus, and whenas he came over against Calandrino, he took one of the dogballs and put it into his hand. Calandrino clapped it incontinent into his mouth and began to chew it; but no sooner did his tongue taste the aloes, than he spat it out again, being unable to brook the bitterness. Meanwhile, each was looking other in the face, to see who should spit out his bolus, and whilst Bruno, not having made an end of serving them out, went on to do so, feigning to pay no heed to Calandrino’s doing, he heard say behind him, ‘How now, Calandrino? What meaneth this?’ Whereupon he turned suddenly round and seeing that Calandrino had spat out his bolus, said, ‘Stay, maybe somewhat else hath caused him spit it out. Take another of them.’ Then, taking the other dogball, he thrust it into Calandrino’s mouth and went on to finish giving out the rest. If the first ball seemed bitter to Calandrino, the second was bitterer