Short Fiction by H. G. Wells (ebook smartphone .txt) 📕

on the difficulties of narration and embarked on a complicated parenthesis. “I don’t know if I told you it’d been a burglar’s ’ouse before it was my girl’s father’s, and I knew ’e’d robbed a mail train once, I did know that. It seemed to me⁠—”

“That’s very likely,” I said. “But what did you do?”

“Sweated,” said Mr. Brisher. “Regular run orf me. All that morning,” said Mr. Brisher, “I was at it, pretending to make that rockery and wondering what I should do. I’d ’ave told ’er father p’r’aps, only I was doubtful of ’is honesty⁠—I was afraid he might rob me of it like, and give it up to the authorities⁠—and besides, considering I was marrying into the family, I thought it would be nicer like if it came through me. Put me on a better footing, so to speak. Well, I ’ad three days before me left of my ’olidays, so there wasn’t no hurry, so I covered it up and went on digging, and tried to puzzle out ’ow I was to make sure of it. Only I couldn’t.

“I thought,” said Mr. Brisher, “and I thought. Once I got regular doubtful whether I’d seen it or not, and went down to it and ’ad it uncovered again, just as her ma came out to ’ang up a bit of washin’ she’d done. Jumps again! Afterwards I was just thinking I’d ’ave another go at it, when Jane comes to tell me dinner was ready. ‘You’ll want it,’ she said, ’seeing all the ’ole you’ve dug.’

“I was in a regular daze all dinner, wondering whether that chap next door wasn’t over the fence and filling ’is pockets. But in the afternoon I got easier in my mind⁠—it seemed to me it must ’ave been there so long it was pretty sure to stop a bit longer⁠—and I tried to get up a bit of a discussion to dror out the old man and see what ’e thought of treasure trove.”

Mr. Brisher paused, and affected amusement at the memory.

“The old man was a scorcher,” he said; “a regular scorcher.”

“What!” said I; “did he⁠—?”

“It was like this,” explained Mr. Brisher, laying a friendly hand on my arm and breathing into my face to calm me. “Just to dror ’im out, I told a story of a chap I said I knew⁠—pretendin’, you know⁠—who’d found a sovring in a novercoat ’e’d borrowed. I said ’e stuck to it, but I said I wasn’t sure whether that was right or not. And then the old man began. Lor’! ’e did let me ’ave it!” Mr. Brisher affected an insincere amusement. “ ’E was, well⁠—what you might call a rare ’and at Snacks. Said that was the sort of friend ’e’d naturally expect me to ’ave. Said ’e’d naturally expect that from the friend of a out-of-work loafer who took up with daughters who didn’t belong to ’im. There! I couldn’t tell you ’arf ’e said. ’E went on most outrageous. I stood up to ’im about it, just to dror ’im out. ‘Wouldn’t you stick to a ’arf-sov’, not if you found it in the street?’ I says. ‘Certainly not,’ ’e says; ‘certainly I wouldn’t.’ ‘What! not if you found it as a sort of treasure?’ ‘Young man,’ ’e says, ‘there’s ’i’er ’thority than mine⁠—Render unto Caesar’⁠—what is it? Yes. Well, he fetched up that. A rare ’and at ’itting you over the ’ed with the Bible, was the old man. And so he went on. ’E got to such Snacks about me at last I couldn’t stand it. I’d promised Jane not to answer ’im back, but it got a bit too thick. I⁠—I give it ’im⁠—”

Mr. Brisher, by means of enigmatical facework, tried to make me think he had had the best of that argument, but I knew better.

“I went out in a ’uff at last. But not before I was pretty sure I ’ad to lift that treasure by myself. The only thing that kep’ me up was thinking ’ow I’d take it out of ’im when I ’ad the cash.”

There was a lengthy pause.

“Now, you’d ’ardly believe it, but all them three days I never ’ad a chance at the blessed treasure, never got out not even a ’arf-crown. There was always a somethink⁠—always.

“ ’Stonishing thing it isn’t thought of more,” said Mr. Brisher. “Finding treasure’s no great shakes. It’s gettin’ it. I don’t suppose I slep’ a wink any of those nights, thinking where I was to take it, what I was to do with it, ’ow I was to explain it. It made me regular ill. And days I was that dull, it made Jane regular ’uffy. ‘You ain’t the same chap you was in London,’ she says, several times. I tried to lay it on ’er father and ’is Snacks, but bless you, she knew better. What must she ’ave but that I’d got another girl on my mind! Said I wasn’t true. Well, we had a bit of a row. But I was that set on the treasure, I didn’t seem to mind a bit anything she said.

“Well, at last I got a sort of plan. I was always a bit good at planning, though carrying out isn’t so much in my line. I thought it all out and settled on a plan. First, I was going to take all my pockets full of these ’ere ’arf-crowns⁠—see?⁠—and afterwards as I shall tell.

“Well, I got to that state I couldn’t think of getting at the treasure again in the daytime, so I waited until the night before I had to go, and then, when everything was still, up I gets and slips down to the back door, meaning to get my pockets full. What must I do in the scullery but fall over a pail! Up gets ’er father with a gun⁠—’e was a light sleeper was ’er father, and very suspicious and there was me: ’ad to explain I’d come down to the pump for a drink because my water-bottle was bad.